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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I've just asked my DP to leave

(58 Posts)
Emergencynamechange123 Sun 14-May-17 14:12:17

Because this morning, when my DD was being annoying (she's 11) he picked her up by her arms, moved her across the room, dropped her and smacked her bum. I was horrified.

I love(d) him very much, but this isn't acceptable is it? This isn't a difference of parenting styles. He's saying I am crazy and overprotective and being stupid.

I don't want to be one of those people who put their relationship over their children. This is not ok.

Emergencynamechange123 Sun 14-May-17 15:12:11

Please. Would someone talk to me?

Reow Sun 14-May-17 15:13:27

No it's not on. He smacked your child!

You did the right thing.

Beelzebop Sun 14-May-17 15:13:28

Hello! I think you have good reason to be outraged at him. What happened in the lead up to the incident? Hope your daughter is OK? Xxx

CiderwithBuda Sun 14-May-17 15:13:35

You did the right thing. I take it he is not her father?

Gallavich Sun 14-May-17 15:14:06

You are right. Has he smacked her before? It's almost worst if he hasn't because that's just random violence coming from nowhere.

PastysPrincess Sun 14-May-17 15:14:27

From your description it doesn't sound at all acceptable. If you fear for your childs safety then definitely asking him to leave is the right thing.

HCantThinkOfAUsername Sun 14-May-17 15:15:39

You've done the right thing flowers

Quartz2208 Sun 14-May-17 15:22:30

You did the right thing (I assume he is not her father) and it's crossing a line

Aquamarine1029 Sun 14-May-17 15:52:54

You did the right thing. Don't let him gaslight you into believing you're overprotective. You're not.

Alexandra87 Sun 14-May-17 15:53:22

100% did the right thing.

isitjustme2017 Sun 14-May-17 15:58:49

Is this the first incident like this? Not that I'm excusing it, especially if he says you are over-reacting. But if your DD is 11 then I'd be surprised if this is the first time he's done something physical.
There really is no excuse for this behaviour. Was she upset? Did he hurt her?

Emergencynamechange123 Sun 14-May-17 15:58:59

No. He's not her dad.

He's a big, strong guy and he's been over physical with her once or twice, but never to this extent.

He didn't hit her hard, but he scared her (and me). He said it was his right because she was getting in his face and sitting on him when he didn't want her to and he had a right to physically eject her from the room.

I thought we would be together until one of us dropped.

He isn't perfect. He doesn't work much, he tells the odd lie, but he was very kind to me and no one ever really loved me before. I know that's pathetic.

Misstic Sun 14-May-17 16:06:16

It's hard to say. She was being physical with him and he picked her up and moved her to another room and gave her a no-hard smack on the bottom.

In his shoes and given what you just described now, I might have done the same.

ModreB Sun 14-May-17 16:13:45

1. You know that the minute he laid hands on her, it's domestic violence.

2. You said that no one ever loved you, well, your children will until you let them down. Then they still will love you, but as they get older will see how you failed to protect them. Is a man worth that?

3. Protect your children. If you don't have their back, who will?

Sorry if I seem harsh, but I was the child in this situation. And what my mother did would have made a difference. If she had done it.

Emergencynamechange123 Sun 14-May-17 16:14:01

She'd stopped, and was sitting next to him. I asked her to get moving and get dressed and she didn't. I asked her again and she didn't and then he furiously grabbed her and moved her as I described.

It was the anger as much as anything I think think.

Emergencynamechange123 Sun 14-May-17 16:15:10

Thank you ModreB. You're not being harsh, you're being real.

I know what the right thing to do is, but it is hurting rather more than I expected

Emergencynamechange123 Sun 14-May-17 16:15:26

Sorry. Not v coherent.

Reachingout1 Sun 14-May-17 16:21:03

OP, on the pure fact he is not her father that is unacceptable!
If it was maybe her actual dads partner I am sure you would have something to say!
I would go absolute burrserk if anyone paid a finger on my child other than me or my daughters dad as in a little tap on the bum ( in no way hard ) when needed.
Hope you're ok x

fannydaggerz Sun 14-May-17 16:26:36

My husband would have been booted out the door if he did that.

Absolutely not on.

Misstic Sun 14-May-17 16:46:15

If I give my child a light smack on the bottom for misbehaving, this is domestic violence? Really?

OP, in the future make it clear to your new partner that as they are not your child's father you do not expect them to get involved in discipline and they must leave patenting of your daughter to you.

Based on your clarification, his response seems inappropriate.

Beyondworried Sun 14-May-17 16:47:20

Bollox to that. If a man laid a single finger on my child they would be gone in an instant.

Intransige Sun 14-May-17 16:49:54

It's the anger that's the problem. She was frightened and that's not ok, particularly since he's so much bigger than her. It's also an awful message to give a young girl - people bigger than you can physically force you to do things sad

Jtaylor143 Sun 14-May-17 16:51:11

Unacceptable if he's not her father, you did the right thing in my opinion. Hope you're ok

dirtywindows Sun 14-May-17 17:13:17

Sorry you're going through this. I think you know yourself that you're doing the right thing as hard as it is. Stay strong flowers

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