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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Do you have a dick head in your life?

28 replies

BecauseICanAndWill · 14/05/2017 12:03

So I have a dick head in my life, it's not someone I can cut contact with and it's not someone I can confront, between the delusions of grandeur and the most incredible sense of entitlement I've ever come across there is just no talking to this person.

They have a knack for making you feel shit with little digs whilst simultaneously bragging about their own life. Their problems are more important than anybody elses and everybody should drop everything in their own lives to support them and God help you if you don't. They are rude and selfish but constantly project their flaws onto others.

I am just about fucking done with narcissistic twats in my life but for the time being I'm stuck with this one so how do I deal? How the fuck do I not let this person get to me?

I have to be somewhat vague because I think this particular dick head might use this site, although having said that I doubt they'd even recognise themselves because it's everyone around them that is the dick head apparently

OP posts:

Report

rizlett · 14/05/2017 12:18

It takes practice - but people can only 'get' to us if we give them the power to do so.

This person is a dick - but that's ok - there's always gonna be dicks in the world. Let that dick go.

Keep your interaction with them as minimal as possible.

And maybe work out why they bother you so much.

BecauseICanAndWill · 14/05/2017 16:16

Thank you rizlett, I will have a think about why, or more importantly why I let it bother me.

OP posts:

user1493759849 · 14/05/2017 16:25

I think most people know someone like this OP, I do! It's a (male/female) couple actually. Can't fucking stand them and neither can my DH; they are exactly like you describe in your original post; and they are such hard work that me and DH have been avoiding them incessantly all year.

They have asked several people if we are 'ok,' and these people have come back to us and reported this to us, and asked if we are ok. And we say yes of course, because we are ok. We just don't want to be in the company of dickheads.

user1493759849 · 14/05/2017 16:28

@rizlet
And maybe work out why they bother you so much.

Erm, the OP explained why in her opening post......

They have delusions of grandeur and the most incredible sense of entitlement I've ever come across there is just no talking to this person.

They have a knack for making you feel shit with little digs whilst simultaneously bragging about their own life. Their problems are more important than anybody elses and everybody should drop everything in their own lives to support them and God help you if you don't. They are rude and selfish but constantly project their flaws onto others.

That ^ is why she is bothered by them.

JK1773 · 14/05/2017 17:09

Yes I have one of these in my life. Thankfully I don't have to see her more than a handful of times per year. Makes life easier

Allabitmuchisntit · 14/05/2017 17:11

Several unfortunately.

AnyFucker · 14/05/2017 17:13

Yes, my father

Imbroglio · 14/05/2017 17:15

Depends what they want from you and the context, which I understand you may not want to give.

redandwhite1 · 14/05/2017 22:10

Why are you stuck with them (him?)? Kids?

MamaOfBabas · 14/05/2017 23:04

I have one who is unfortunately here for good. There were a few more, but they've pretty much gone now, so its more bearable. Just avoid as much as possible.

sproutsmum · 14/05/2017 23:26

Not anymore , I didn't think I could get rid, but decided in the end my sanity was my priority, so I walked away. With a little space and time away it was easier to see their opinions were just that, opinions and not facts and therefore did not matter.. when I started to realise that they did not have more value as a person than me and I was entitled to think whatever I liked regardless of them I felt better.
It also makes it easier to just smile and nod and ignore any further shit that comes my way from them.
Good luck with getting rid or ignoring yours, they do it for a reaction anyway it makes them feel important that they have an impact.

user1494806102 · 15/05/2017 02:24

huh. sounds like my big brother.

Myrobalanna · 15/05/2017 11:08

I don't. I have been quite ruthless over the past few years at walking away.
Sadly in one case it meant losing a good family friend but it just couldn't be done, having this woman around us and keeping her partner as a friend. She was that bad.

BecauseICanAndWill · 15/05/2017 19:31

Redandwhite1 it's not my DH. I have had the misfortune of having a few narcissistic twats in my life and have cut them out but for now circumstances dictate I'm stuck with this one. It sucks, I hate that once again I am in a situation where I feel vulnerable because someone else gets their kicks out of treating others like shit.

OP posts:

MissBax · 15/05/2017 19:39

Haha yep, I know one just like this. I find it equally infuriating and fascinating!

FormerNymphet · 15/05/2017 20:32

My DP...
Try and rise above it.
I always think of this Russian phrase.
You don't drink poison and wait for your enemies to die.
The only person that hurts is you.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 15/05/2017 20:37

I used to have too many of them around. Much reduced in private life now, professional life still subject to them. I find that laughter and pity, even if internalised never said out loud, helps a lot. Remind yourself that their behaviour is telling you something about them, something sad and deluded.

BossyBitch · 15/05/2017 20:43

The type that you can't ever get rid of even if you do your utmost to several all ties: I got half of my DNA from him.

It's a few hours twice a year, and I always follow it up with a drink-and-bitch with similarly holiday-traumatised friends with equally dysfunctional families, which does help.

Answering back certainly doesn't- there's no point in arguing with a self-infatuated person. They'll only see you as the idiot who just doesn't get how utterly awesome they are.

Steamgirl · 15/05/2017 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redandwhite1 · 15/05/2017 21:52

Be strong people!

milkjetmum · 15/05/2017 21:56

Well if you don't know a dickhead within your friends /family /colleagues then chances are it's you! so look on the brightside!

I have a cactus at home named after mine...

redandwhite1 · 15/05/2017 22:15

Haha!

I try to eliminate them all out my life, bring me down too much!

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DoYouFeelBetter · 16/05/2017 12:07

Just got rid of one who sounds exactly like yours OP. Plays the victim but is nasty to the core. She thinks she's being hard done by but doesn't see that it's her continued and relentless nastiness that brought us to this point. So sorry you have to put up with it.

Polkadot1974 · 16/05/2017 22:38

Now panicking that I'm a dick. Been cut off by a woman in last year but she's cut off our mutual friend too. I'd love to know why. Maybe I am a dick but I really hope not

BecauseICanAndWill · 18/05/2017 07:58

Just seen a thread, not sure how to link but it's called 'to ask how you got strong or stopped giving a shit'. Some posters have some good advice about assertiveness that might be helpful for those of us dealing with dick heads.

Polkadot do you recognise yourself in any of the behaviour myself and other posters have mentioned? Being cut out doesn't mean you're a dick, it could be for loads of reasons and not all of which will be your fault.

OP posts:

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