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Why are some men so shit?

(20 Posts)
BeautifulLiar Sun 14-May-17 10:33:57

He hasn't seen his DC for weeks now, and it's been seven weeks since he randomly stopped paying maintenance, leaving me £90 a week short (my food shopping money!).

I know there's nothing anyone can do really. Just wanted to get that off my chest sad

Harree Sun 14-May-17 12:12:39

I have no advice I'm afraid, but keep strong. Some men ARE shits, not all, but definitely sounds like yours is.
Am here holding your hand, OP.
Do you have an official arrangement in place? Can he just randomly stop paying you maintenance?

BeautifulLiar Sun 14-May-17 13:55:49

Thank you. Much appreciated.

There's nothing official in place, although he's an abusive twat so contact is supervised by his mum at her house. He doesn't always turn up though. And now she doesn't to have the DC, either.

Yep, he can just stop. I informed the CMS straightaway and they're trying to get my money but it's a loooong process when dad doesn't want to pay sad

BeautifulLiar Sun 14-May-17 13:56:39

She doesn't want to have the DC*

Harree Tue 16-May-17 16:22:38

angry rubbish that he can randomly stop. Am angry for you. flowers Hope your situation gets better.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 16-May-17 16:27:40

The rotten apple that is your ex did not fall far from his rotten family tree.

I would keep your children well away from all his family, if they want contact then it should be anyway formalised via the court system.

No man is above the law; he still is financially responsible for his children.

BeautifulLiar Tue 16-May-17 16:35:12

Wow, Attila, do you think I'd be within my rights to do that?! It's strange that you should say that when I haven't even mentioned any of the disgusting abuse he put me through for years. And yes, I can see exactly where he gets it from. I never had to agree that she supervised contact, but they act like they're doing me a massive favour by taking the children

BeautifulLiar Tue 16-May-17 16:40:02

Formalised via court... ExH would NEVER stick to anything like that. Nothing is put before his job and social life, and that man will not be told what to do

BeautifulLiar Wed 17-May-17 10:45:16

Bump sad

isitjustme2017 Wed 17-May-17 13:23:51

If he's not paying maintenance he has no right to see the children then surely??? It sounds like they would be better off without him. Keep chasing for the money though, you need that for your children.

Refuse him and his family access if they contact you.

BeautifulLiar Wed 17-May-17 13:25:18

I don't think courts see it like that, isit sad when we first left, before contact was supervised and before I had contacted the CMS, I handed the DC over to him with a smile and a polite "hello" with us both knowing full well that he hadn't paid maintenance the previous day

BeautifulLiar Wed 17-May-17 13:25:38

HE first left*

isitjustme2017 Wed 17-May-17 13:51:07

Well let him take you to court then...... they will take a dim view of his lack of payments and his behaviour.
Will he be prepared to pay a solicitor to take you to court? If not, of course you can stop him seeing the children.

BeautifulLiar Wed 17-May-17 13:59:01

I very much doubt he would pay a solicitor! He got rid of his car because he couldn't pay the finance, obviously doesn't pay maintenance, he's in a lot of debt basically. And I'm sure he'd rather spend his money on drink and drugs!

Jesuswepthelpmeadvise Wed 17-May-17 14:01:50

IME, family courts don't give a rats ass about child maintenance, whether he's paid or not or what his previous behaviour to the resident parent was, all they care about is that the child is given the opportunity to see the non resident parent.
They will bend over backwards to accommodate the non resident parent to ensure the children have that opportunity. If the NRP fails to adhere to the court ordered contact, there's little the court will do about it except to arrange further contact that suits the NRP.
In your case OP, I wouldn't go to court. It will only mean you will then be responsible by law for presenting the children to the NRP whenever you've agreed with the court that you will. The NRP OTOH won't be held responsible for turning up or adhering to contact.
However, I would get the maintenance dealt with formally. It can be very difficult to get an unwilling NRP to pay maintenance but at the moment, you have no maintenance at all coming in.

BeautifulLiar Wed 17-May-17 14:06:10

Yeh Jesus that's what I've heard. Social services were the ones who told me to make sure contact was supervised as he is, well, a shit dad! I really don't want to go through the stress of court sad

BeautifulLiar Wed 17-May-17 14:07:04

Trying my best with the maintenance. They said this morning that we have to wait until he hasn't paid anything for two months before they can deduct anything from his earnings... Great.

grannytomine Wed 17-May-17 14:11:42

Probably for the same reason some women are. Not everyone is nice. Hope you get things sorted.

isitjustme2017 Wed 17-May-17 14:13:56

I hope you get things sorted OP. It must be awful dealing with a shit Dad who not only doesn't pay for his children, puts drink and drugs before them too.

BeautifulLiar Wed 17-May-17 14:41:33

Thank you. Yeh I picked a shit one here sad he has ignored all the divorce petitions too so that's dragging on.

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