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There once was a don't judge as I already know thread

(15 Posts)
CleanHonestGoals Sat 13-May-17 23:12:22

I don't know where the last one went but I'm hoping for a bit of support as I know I should ltb but for numerous reasons I can't. Some are selfish and I feel bad admitting that but I might as well be honest.
He isaid abusive and a drunk..I constantly tip toe around him. He is a high functioning piss head so no one sees it but me.
But on the the flip side he works well, keeps a tidy house, earns and has shared custody of his 3 and I have older kids in the mix. His family thing he is perfect and such a catch after the ex wife shit on hi. And left him with 3 young kids...I deal with that and see probably /possibly why

CleanHonestGoals Sat 13-May-17 23:14:20

So many spelling mistakes in my opening post. Sorry

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sat 13-May-17 23:15:43

An alcoholic df will have lasting effects on all the dc. . Why would you be party to that?
Your dc also!!
You have a duty to them not to keep them in this life don't you?

Wolfiefan Sat 13-May-17 23:17:33

You can LTB. If he won't stop drinking then you have to get kids away from him.
The fact he keeps a tidy house excuses nothing.

CleanHonestGoals Sat 13-May-17 23:22:42

Because he can do days without a drink, but abuses it when he does..a binge drinker more than anything. Yes my kids and his shouldn't see it either...we bothen work a lot of stressful hours and I suppose I put a bit down to that but I'm now getting to enough is enough

CleanHonestGoals Sat 13-May-17 23:26:29

Oh it's not just he keeps a tidy house that was meant that he's not sat in a stupor,.which he's not. I don't whether I'm making more of it..as he gets up, goes.to work, pulls his weight etc..he is just a bit shite when he has had a few..never in front of anyone else though

Wolfiefan Sat 13-May-17 23:26:34

Stop making excuses.
A problem drinker doesn't have to drink every day. They can have redeeming features. In fact abusers can often choose to be lovely. It's a manipulation technique to stop the other person leaving.
Stress and working hard isn't a reason to abuse alcohol. It's an excuse an alcoholic might use though.
Seek RL support. Tried Al Anon?

Wolfiefan Sat 13-May-17 23:27:17

And what's a bit shite?
Sounds like code for abusive arsehole.

HeddaGarbled Sat 13-May-17 23:32:42

He's what's known as a functional alcoholic. There are support groups for the partners and families of alcoholics. I'd recommend you seek support there as they will be more familiar with what you are dealing with.

HeddaGarbled Sat 13-May-17 23:35:56

Al anon is the most well known.

Moanyoldcow Sat 13-May-17 23:37:05

I don't understand why you've posted? You know you should leave him but won't.

And?

CleanHonestGoals Sat 13-May-17 23:38:33

It's not a code for abusive arsehole he is one. Some of the time he is the man I married, most of the time these days he's not. Its really not as easy as to.ltb. I'm a bit stuck. He's not a monster but at times he is soul destroying, yet to the outside world he is a saint who took his 3 on when his ex had an affair and left him with all her debts and the house went under

Moanyoldcow Sat 13-May-17 23:40:41

So why don't you leave him?

CleanHonestGoals Sat 13-May-17 23:40:44

Took his 3 on is the wrong phrase..she did one and left him with them...he devoted everything to his kids and brought them up on his own..until we got together

CleanHonestGoals Sat 13-May-17 23:45:06

Because I have no support and no money behind me..I had council tenancy which I had for 10+ years which I stupidly gave up on the word of it went tits up he would leave house..which is a private rent but cheaper than most as it's friends

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