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Would I be mad to ask again?

(10 Posts)
AragornsManlyStubble Sat 13-May-17 21:06:52

Ok, quick back story.....I've known my DP almost 8 years, been together 2 and a half. I'm 37 weeks pregnant and have 3 DC from my marriage who have known him since birth.

Last year I terminated our pregnancy due to health issues ( the anniversary falls a day after this one will be born, so very soon and I'am struggling a little). A week or so afterwards we went out for a few drinks together and had a huge emotional heart to heart. Partially due to being tipsy, I proposed. I meant it and had put some thought into how I said it and where. I'd been thinking of it and we happened to be somewhere meaningful to us. He said no. This hit me hard but we got through that and the emotion surrounding the termination.

So that brings us to now. We're stronger than ever and very happy. I don't know if he has any thoughts to do it himself, but I'd like to ask again. He's always said that we would do it some day so I don't feel he's against it, but I just want to be married to him now. Not sure what I would do if he turned me down again, so would I be mad to ask again?

BifsWif Sat 13-May-17 21:07:38

Did he say why he said no the first time?

Berrie1 Sat 13-May-17 21:10:50

It might be worthwhile to bring it up generally in conversation first to see what his thoughts are before proposing again. As BifsWif asked, why did he say no first time around?

Emboo19 Sat 13-May-17 21:12:01

I wouldn't ask again as in propose. But I'd be having a conversation about marriage and if you haven't already the other practicalities of having a child together, life insurance, wills, is the house in joint names, that kind of thing.
And I give baby your surname, it can be changed to his if/when you marry!

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sat 13-May-17 21:13:18

Stronger than ever and very happy.
Why risk it?

scottishdiem Sat 13-May-17 21:19:05

That sounds dangerously close to proposing as a way of dealing with the termination (flowers) so I wonder if he said no because of that?

I think its ok to bring the topic of marriage up again but maybe be clear that if you ask, you kind of know he is going to say yes. Maybe he might even ask.

MadgeMak Sat 13-May-17 21:19:52

Did he give a reason for saying no? To me having a child together is a bigger commitment than marriage so I find it strange that he is having a child with you and has said he does ultimately want to get married, why therefore say no? Why wait?

SaltySeaDog72 Sat 13-May-17 21:28:11

this sounds like another emotionally charged time for you (anniversary and new baby). So on this basis I would hold fire and discuss when baby is here and you are a little bit recovered.

AragornsManlyStubble Sat 13-May-17 21:28:45

scottish, it wasn't exactly a way of dealing with the termination, but more brought forward by how united we became after it. I do see what you mean though.

He said that he said no because he felt it was something he should do rather than me. However that was a year ago so his reasoning may have changed. It comes up in conversation fairly regularly but not in any serious way.

Madge I agree with you. I'm of the 'why wait' school of thought.

Just I do see your point, but ultimately I love him, we have a family and I want to marry him. I took the risk once and survived. I think I could do it again, I just wondered if I'd be mad to! smile

I think I might have to start a gentle conversation at some point.

AragornsManlyStubble Sat 13-May-17 21:32:16

salty I agree there seems to be a patterngrin, something in the May air! I was just having a little reminisce earlier and it got me thinking. Good advice, I'd wait until after baby in any case, I can't imagine the sight of a bloated wobbly me on one knee ( and thus getting stuck! ) would be a tempting proposition! grin

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