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Has anyone gotten back together after a separation

(17 Posts)
floatingawayfinally Sat 13-May-17 16:40:39

Hi

Just wanted to know whether this has happened to anyone. Has a separation actually helped you to resolve any conflicts within your relationship/marriage and brought you closer together with your partner? Did you get back together after a separation then regret it afterwards? Or anything else related really. Just looking for peoples experience as to give me perspective and make me more realistic.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sat 13-May-17 16:43:32

Separation just gave twat ex time to practice pretending to be nice. .
Got back together and actually got married. Regretted it the same week.
Didn't last a year. .

JK1773 Sat 13-May-17 16:51:53

Many years ago I did. Had been separated a year. Lasted about 6 months tops.

turtlewoman Sat 13-May-17 16:58:09

I did, we broke up for 9 months but not from any infidelity, more just because it felt like we had rushed into things, living with eachother ect, all the exciting things happened to quickly. The more time we were apart we realised we missed each other and eventually got back together. Our relationship is much stronger now, has been 2 years.

LedaP Sat 13-May-17 17:01:13

Yes.

Split for 6 months. Not a break. We intended to divorce.

We got back together and had counselling for our issues and its loads better.

It rare that you can do it without resolving the issues though

Mari50 Sat 13-May-17 17:01:13

My exP and I got back together after several separations, the relationship was a complete disaster- 14 years of a disaster.
Not that I'm bitter.
I'm trying really hard not to be

HilariousGuitar Sat 13-May-17 17:20:11

Broke up for six months after a year together. I had a brief fling with someone else. He held it over me for the rest of our relationship, another four years, as if I had cheated on him. No idea why I put up with him, or even really why I got back together with him after the break.

inlectorecumbit Sat 13-May-17 17:26:50

Broke up when engaged and got back together after 6 months.
Got married-had DS broke up after 18 months and got back together after 4 months.
Still together 30 years later.
That said we met and got engaged/married far too young, l have tried to encourage my DC's to live a bit first.

LightYears Sat 13-May-17 17:27:15

Years apart then tried again, no good though.

floatingawayfinally Sat 13-May-17 18:39:01

Hmmm can I ask for those who got back together and regretted it what was it that made you go back? Was it that you missed them or was it your circumstance at the time? Also if you got back together why do you think it worked second time round? Or do you think you rushed to separate first time round?

LedaP Sat 13-May-17 18:54:13

We both attempted to see other peoplr and realised we missed eachother. Just so many issues in the way.

We were doing well seperate and co parenting. No need to get back together, we wanted to and we continued to live seperatley for another year after we got back together. Whilst we worked through the issues.

TreeTop7 Sun 14-May-17 16:48:14

We separated in 2012 and I took him back 3 months later for the children's sake and because he missed me. Terrible decision. We're divorcing now. We wasted 4 years of our lives on a sham. I blame myself for being weak.

However if you both reunite for yourselves not the DC, and work on the tough issues that led to the split, it'll likely be fine.

floatingawayfinally Sun 14-May-17 21:53:12

Thank you treetop, LedaP and everyone else who posted. Very thought provoking. Basically it seems like if you work through your issues you are likely to get back together and stay together. This really resonates with me.

There are a lot of good things in my relationship and things I like about my partner however there are aome core issues that if unresolved will inevitably lead to divorce in the future. Kind of abstract things like future plans/goals, core values and parenting styles/attitude. Lots of things we should have discussed initially. Right now we are both quite fixed in our positions but hopefully some time apart will help us to evaluate whether the relationship is worth saving and therefore is it worth compromising on our separate issues.

LightYears Sun 14-May-17 23:02:29

Love, compromise and tolerance.

MamaOfBabas Sun 14-May-17 23:09:09

We separated for a month very early on in our relationship then again about 4 years down the line. 5 years later its over for good. I was an idiot for ever being with him.

myheadsamess Sun 14-May-17 23:18:19

We split up last summer, but things hadn't been good for a long time. Lots of money worries and a vast difference in opinion of what was financially important. Family ill health and just a shit few years meant we stopped being kind to each other, stopped listening to each other, assumed the worst of each other.

But, 17 years of marriage and being best friends for over 25yrs means we can't really manage without each other ( I don't think). We have had a day out (minus kids), been for a walk and am planning an evening out. Taking things very, very slowly. I do not know if it's what I want, but we are at least thinking of each other and being considerate of each other's feelings and opinions - things we lost tbh. Tbh even if nothing comes of it it means we are on good terms for our 3 dc.

I think time apart helps a lot, I think counselling is also helpful. My gran always used to say what's for you won't go by you. So, we'll see

Good luck, you'll know if it's what you want blush

floatingawayfinally Mon 15-May-17 13:00:18

Thank you myheadsamess. Good luck to you also.

Sometimes I feel hopeful about my own situation and that my relationship will improve as a result of this and we will get back together. Then I read posts like Mamas and I think maybe I am dodging a bullet and we should stay split. It doesn't help that h keeps insinuating that I will struggle and will come back to him. hmm ideally I would just like to find someone else but I worry that I haven't tried hard enough to resolve things for the sake of my kids and though moving on to a new relationship may be the best outcome for me but not necessarily for my children.

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