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French Martini Bastard

(1000 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

backscratcher Sat 13-May-17 13:54:19

Hi everyone.
I hadn't realised my first thread had filled up so quickly - I'm completely overwhelmed at how many people have replied to me - and how quickly you have all done it! And thank you to everyone who has inboxed me their support.
It has made me feel less alone.

Not much to update. He hasn't come home. The bags are still outside. He hasn't text or called and I haven't attempted to text or call him.

My sister has just left as she has to go and pick up her kids but she'll be back later. My daughter is with her dad until tomorrow so I have some time to think of what I'm going to do and what I'm going to tell her.

Some more things, which may sound like a drip feed so sorry about that - but to those that have asked if he'd done this before etc - he works only 25 hours a week on a rota basis, so early or late shift. I work full time week days. I earn considerably more than him. We have a joint account and both have our own accounts. I pay in a sum of money each month to the joint account which we can both access. Tenancy is in my name so I fully pay the rent. I know he has a credit card but don't know how much money he has in his own account, or what he owes on credit card.
He works 25 hours a week because he also has a 'hobby' which he is trying (unsuccessfully so far) to turn into a business. On days when he is not working then he will collect my daughter from school so that suits me.
I have never had any reason to doubt that when he was not working that he was anywhere dodgy or doing anything dodgy.

I have been cheated on before but I left him because of how distrustful I became and because I hated the person I had became, sneaking about to check phones and try to access their Facebook - I didn't ever want to be that person again. So I made an effort not to be that person again. I chose to trust.

I've known dp - or rather twatface- for over 4 years - I met him through a friend. He pursued me for a few months and we've properly been together 3 years. He moved in with me just over a year ago. I thought we were happy. I truly thought he loved me and my daughter. We rarely argued and when we did it was never serious really - just about small stuff. We had fun together. Our sex life was good. I felt loved by him. I never felt the need to try to check his phone or to ask him for the passcode or to ask to see his own bank statements or to double check where he was on his days off whilst I was at work. I always believed what he told me.
I feel like I've been taken for a mug - both financially and emotionally. And he was just some fucking cocklodger and he's been caught out and he's too scared to face me. He doesn't do confrontation well - prefers the easy life - the fucking coward.

I'm going to try to have a nap. I'm exhausted and my eyes are sore from crying.
I am going to contact him later because I want to know who she is and how long it's been going on.
I really don't think I will ever trust another man ever again.

I didn't rush into this with him after the split from my daughters dad. I saw no one else - not even a date - between dickhead1 and dickhead2 and I thought I'd chosen wisely. What a mug.

TheMaddHugger Sat 13-May-17 13:55:13

More ((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

Dairymilkmuncher Sat 13-May-17 13:58:04

flowers hugs from me

whattheactualfudge Sat 13-May-17 13:58:08

OP if you inbox me his name, I can find out who she is for you... x

GreenHairDontCare Sat 13-May-17 13:58:22

He's a cowardly shit, isn't he?

TheMaddHugger Sat 13-May-17 13:58:45

I feel helpless to help and I have no fancy words, so here is a pretty tree [if the gif works]

FrenchMartiniTime Sat 13-May-17 13:59:26

You're not the mug, he is!

Don't stop being a trusting person because this twatface has treated you like this, keep your head held high flowers

ProfessorPickles Sat 13-May-17 13:59:44

You aren't a mug at all OP, glad your DD is still with her dad so you get chance to have a good cry and a rest before she's home.

You couldn't have predicted this and none of it is your fault, it is entirely him.
From the sounds of things you've done so well so far, I know the harder times are to come when you have to see him etc (or if) but you will recover from this and be happy again whether that's in a new relationship or by yourself. flowers

user1466690252 Sat 13-May-17 14:00:05

your doing amazingly. be kind to yourself

ButtMuncher Sat 13-May-17 14:01:16

You're amazing. I know you don't feel strong perhaps at the moment but you most certainly are - massive love to you x

BelligerentGardenPixies Sat 13-May-17 14:03:20

Oh sweetness! I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

Obviously you have to do what you need to do but I would caution against trying to get information from him, especially at this moment. He's in damage limitation mode and the chances of you getting any information out of him nevermind the actual truth is nil. He won't tell you and the act of you asking gives him power over you.

You know all you need to know about him. He is a deceitful, disloyal bellend who will not protect your feelings or dignity. Ghosting him would be the most powerful thing you could do for

Offred Sat 13-May-17 14:04:15

Ah you are not a mug!

You are just blaming yourself because you don't know how to make sense of this shitstorm he seems to have created for no good reason,

It is not you, it is him. I think you know that really though.

I was watching your thread last night but didn't comment. I'm so sorry you are going through this again. FWIW I think you are strong and brave to have trusted him in the way you did after your last experience and that it was the right thing to do, as is leaving him now.

The only thing that is wrong with you is him IMO.

mustiwearabra Sat 13-May-17 14:04:29

I'm so so pleased you told your sister, it's really important to have some support around you. Have a nice long nap, maybe have a bath later and order a takeaway. x

Leatherboundanddown Sat 13-May-17 14:05:12

So sorry he has done this. Followed your first thread from Thurs and then checked in late last night.

Onwards and upwards. X

titsbumfannythelot Sat 13-May-17 14:05:24

I admire your dignity in this crappy situation op. I hope you get a rest and the answers you deserve flowers

WeeMcBeastie Sat 13-May-17 14:05:28

I followed your last thread but didn't comment, really sorry you're going through this. It sounds as if you're being very strong, stay strong and don't listen to any bullshit he may come out with. I've been through it so I know how hard it is. My EXH also refused to contact me after I found messages on his phone. When he did come back, I got the 'It's not what you think...' bollocks. I told him I didn't believe a word. Not sure if you'll ever get answers from him, mine still swears that nothing was going on with the OW even though he's now marrying her! hmm Stay strong, you're definitely better off without him.

Paperdoll16 Sat 13-May-17 14:05:59

Oh lovely. You're an incredibly strong and brave woman. Honestly, you should be proud of yourself. You are not a mug.

Perhaps he saw his things outside and decided to stay away.

What a series of events you've endured and with such dignity.

Had you not seen that text on Thursday night you would be spending today with him thinking he worked last night.

Have a nice sleep and I'm so glad your sister is coming back to be with you later.


AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley Sat 13-May-17 14:06:04

(((hugs))) OP.

Do you have a link to your last thread?

RiseandGrind Sat 13-May-17 14:06:09

You're being so brave and pragmatic op. Hang on in there but be prepared for the crash when the adrenalin wears off - take care of your health and eat and sleep properly.

Its always a shock when the people we thought lived us treat us badly and betray us.

pumpkinmoon1 Sat 13-May-17 14:10:24

So sorry this has happened, and again too. I was going to post on the old thread but couldn't as it was full so I am glad you made another.

Despite what it looks like, I understand why you would need answers to questions and proof that he was actually cheating. But in doing so, I hope you don't allow him to talk you around.

What I was going to say on the original thread is that what wakes this worse, is that he KNEW you thought something was going on, yet he still went ahead with it, whatever it was that he actually did. The fact that he has stayed away says a lot I think. If it were innocent, he would be banging down your door, with proof of where he was and who with.

I hope you manage to get some rest and feel better for it. X

noitsnotme Sat 13-May-17 14:11:58

You're not a mug, OP we should be able to trust people. But I wouldn't ask him any details. Don't give him the satisfaction of twisting the knife further, or lying to you further. Just cut him dead. You'll find out the details elsewhere no doubt, so let him think you instantly no longer care.

I'm intrigued as to how whattheactualfudge can find out though??

NeedATrim Sat 13-May-17 14:13:50

You don't need anything from him. If you ask him the who's and the why's, thats the one thing he can feel he has over you to use as a playing tool against you. Make him believe that you cate not one iota about his sleazy business including who she is. Then he's got nothing.

LosingDory Sat 13-May-17 14:14:02

You absolutely aren't a mug op flowers

QuiteLikely5 Sat 13-May-17 14:16:51

What the actual fudge, how can you find out who she is?

I'm curious smile

user1468353179 Sat 13-May-17 14:17:04

My daughter's husband had an affair with her best (now ex) friend. It broke her heart and she divorced him. She's so much happier now though. It just takes time. He's a bastard and one day he'll do it to her.

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