Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Strange Noises(228 Posts)
Really odd problem, and not sure where else to post. DH is wonderful, kind and caring but this problem is really bothering me. For background, we're together 7 years, married for 2, DD is 7 months old. He's great with her, in a senior, responsible role at work and is articulate, thoughtful and great fun.
This problem is long term, but probably bothers me more because I'm on maternity leave and sometimes deprived of adult company! He often makes odd noises instead of communicating properly, just with me. Like if I tell him about my day, he might say 'That is the flumblewormp of papunosity'. If I offer him a cup of tea, he might answer with 'that's what she said' instead of an appropriate response. Instead of informing me he needs to use the restroom, he might flail his arms and legs and shout 'wee wee wee wee'. This can be constant on a bad day, a few times an hour on a good day.
He manages to stop this completely to talk to absolutely everyone else. He seems to find himself really amusing. When I ask him to stop he tells me he'll 'be a good boy', and whenever I've tried to discuss it seriously he seems positively dejected.
I'm worried about its impact on DD learning to talk in the near future. I often feel dismissed and almost as though I'm the one being silly? He's otherwise such a lovely person.
There are no likely mental health issues. I'm a psychiatrist. There's no pervasive low mood, no delusions, no elation. No likely obsessive/compulsive element. I've recommended asking his GP or possibly seeking an opinion from someone who isn't his wife, but he's too embarrassed and can totally stop when in company.
My first thought was MH issues. Then Tourettes. Although, as far as I know, tourettes sufferers can't just switch it off, when they want to. Have you sat him down for a proper talk about why he's doing this?
If he was older, I'd be thinking dementia!
I thought tourettes too (I have a family member with it.) Has he always done it?
Sounds like your his replacement mummy, especially with the 'good boy' chat. He needs a swift reality check, frankly.
This would annoy me!
Eurgghh such a turn off!!
Sounds like a regression into childhood - although if you can't diagnose him I'm not sure how we could
I think it's just his sense of humour TBH, which is why he was a bit dejected when you asked him to stop it.
This would infuriate me. It would be funny the first time and then I'd seriously lose patience with it.
My DP can be a little bit like that as he's got a very immature sense of humour and likes to be silly sometimes. Luckily he only acts like that occasionally or I'd end up murdering him.
Does he know it irritates you or do you laugh and smile along? Would he be really offended if you jokingly said 'stop being so annoying!'
I'd have to say something if it was me or it would make me start to resent him.
How utterly weird.
It does sound like Tourettes or similar, but if he can totally switch it off in company then unfortunately it sounds as if he's completely in control of it and it isn't a MH issue.
It does sound like he just likes doing this and - shudder - thinks it's funny and it's part of a carefully constructed and utterly toe-curling 'crazee' personality. 'I'm mad, me!' - is that what you think, OP?
Your description of his repsonse when you've picked him up on it is also odd, though. Dejected? I'll be a good boy? Reading between the lines, this sounds like you've 'asked him not to do it' in a gently chiding way - 'DH please - could you not speak like that all the time? It is a bit silly'. If so, that's your first move - to lay it on the line with a very diferent approach.
'DH, I have had enough of this ridiculous situation. I really hate it when you speak this way. It's irritating, inappropriate and not funny at all - quite the opposite. Most of all I hate the fact that you can stop it when anyone else is around but won't give me the same courtesy, your wife, even though you KNOW how much I dislike it. Either stop it, or if you can't go to the doctor. If things carry on like this our relationship is going to suffer'.
Is it that he's always been silly and you used to humour him, but now the baby's here you want him to be more grown up?
It won't impact her learning to talk, but it will impact her if she sees her mum constantly telling off her dad, that's no way to model a relationship.
It's not clear from your post if he's able to stop doing it if he chooses to.
Sounds like he's stuck in a bloody Roald Dahl book!
He can clearly control it though which would make it even more annoying. Have you actually asked him why he does it?
Probably a hint of the mummy thing. It's not like Tourette's - having seen a lot of tics, there aren't them. No other dementia symptoms. And too situation-specific to be too likely to be organic.
There's a touch of it being sense of humour related, but sometimes it genuinely is like talking to a toddler and nobody jokes THAT much!
My father in law does this and it drives me insane. He thinks he's being very humorous! He does it more when he knows its bothering someone. Drives mil mad too. I really don't know how she has put up with him this long. It's like a show he puts on when there are people around. I don't get the humour! Don't find him even remotely funny. He is a very good natured man though and would do anything for you. It would be nice to have a normal conversation with him once in a while. I find him impossible to communicate with.
My husband occasionally comes out with his 'dadisms'!! I just go silent and ignore so he knows how I feel about such ridiculousness. (I'm praying it doesn't worsen over the years!!).
Have wondered has his dad a mh problem though!
Yes, he can stop it at will.
We have had serious talks, well before DD came. I don't just smile and say stop it, and I'm not always giving out either.
I quite often just ignore. Sometimes I will say something along the lines of 'please, I'm too tired'.
He has really curtailed it for weeks at a time, but ultimately starts up again.
I have asked him why. He can't really give an answer, other than to say he's comfortable with me, but he was apparently not like this as a child with his (close, lovely) family.
Having googled, checked textbooks and spoken to countless patients and families in recent years, I've yet to really come across anything like it.
xH used to do this. Also put on silly accents. I also asked him to stop but he got cross at me 'trying to change him'.
Don't have any suggestions but you have my sympathy. It's really annoying to have to deal with a grown man who acts like a child.
Is it his way of getting attention from you? Like when children misbehave.
Could it be a form of anxiety or stress relief. If he has to be very grown up elsewhere?
The biggest problem is him taking no responsibility for it. He must know why he does it.
That would really piss me off, and I say this as someone who has and still makes silly noises, and so on. Eg, I make a prrrrppp noise - in imitation of one of my cats, and I'll call my 15 year old son "pumpkin" and he and I have a thing where we hold out one hand, pointing down, and say "paw!".
However, I/we don't do this as often as your husband does, and we do it as something which we both find humorous/familiar, and stop if the other person asks.
Your husband though is imposing this on you, despite you saying that you want it to stop, and it has no meaning or benefit to you.
Is there a chance he is deliberately doing it to annoy you? My stbxp does certain things in my company and not others and its definitely to piss me off.
My only suggestion would be to totally put your foot down and tell him it has to stop or your relationship is at risk.
I know it sounds trivial but this behaviour will wear you down after a while and you will end up resenting him!!
How bloody weird.
Have you rowed with him about it? Actually shouted? I wouldn't normally say having a row or shouting would help, but it might just stop him if ever time he did it he got a bollocking.
I know that I wouldn't be able to stop myself swearing at my DH very regularly if he did something like this.
If he is very clever it might be he is just playing with words. I used to know an English teacher who used to do something similar. Sometimes it was quite funny and people would join in.
Euww, I'd find that deeply sexually unattractive and if I had a parter who did that my ovaries would recoil in horror. I'd tell them that there is no way I'd want to have sex with a man who talks like a weird child.
Maybe it's some sort of ingrained bad habit that he's formed and he doesn't even realise he's doing it half the time. Almost like an impulse where he just comes out with stupid things or silly reactions without thinking about what he's doing.
Maybe if you give him no reaction at all, not even a negative reaction, he might eventually get bored of doing it. Try going totally silent and leave the room for a minute every time he does it over the next few days
My guess would be that it's a form of regression based on unmet childhood needs.
I'd wonder about his "close lovely family" and how he's only able to be playful (even inappropriately so) with you now as an adult.
It's interesting that you've gone into caring for people and he needs caring for; maybe it's a dynamic that's worked for you up to now but now a child has made it unbearable.
Was it ever something you were fond of? How did your relationship get this far?
Do you have a supervisor you can talk with about it, a therapist of your own?
That wouldn"t account for the whole 'wee wee wee' bollocks when he needs the toilet though.
Is he the eldest sibling in his family? Always having to be the big boy? Sensible one?
I fear it will get worse for you when your own DD starts walking and talking. It will be both an excuse to do it more and also like competition for him!
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.