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(25 Posts)
newjobsoon Sat 13-May-17 10:58:06

Had lovely weekend last week. Looking forward to getting house done up after children have left home, sunny weather, saw friends, planned holidays and summer events for h and I. All good except for this...
After work one day h declared he had a wind fall so I asked would he add it to the other money he had. Que him telling me I was negative and calling me stupid in a condescending manner. I told him to stop and moved on but kept my distance. The next evening he tells me that I can only ask things once and to ask things twice shows I have no intelligence. I said but things can change so I was just checking in.
More condescending comments and I lost it.
I brought up the fact that in order to proceed doing up the house I needed money in a joint account so I could access it. I have been asking him for years and it has become a sticking point as I refuse to ask him every time I need money to pay someone.
Previously this had happened and he refused to pay and I got nasty letters.
So he did put some money in a very small amount and I was supposed to be grateful but I refused to be saying it was just normal to do this.
So he said I've got to put money in your little hand in a sarcastic way.
Christ all this because I want to move on as the house is a complete mess.
He says he doesn't trust me and that is the reason? TBH I don't feel like doing all the things I have planned now. All the mood boards etc.
Feel like I'm being taken for a ride.

ijustwannadance Sat 13-May-17 11:06:01

So he's got a ton of money but won't give you any?
Sounds like an abusive knob.

Guiltypleasures001 Sat 13-May-17 11:06:46

Divorce the mean old bastard take half of his precious money and go decorate a house how you like
Simples 😏

Is he always this controlling ? Yes, then still LTB

newjobsoon Sat 13-May-17 11:20:12

I know what you mean. The thing I find most odd is the offense he takes if I ask things twice. He becomes condescending and nasty. Its always money questions. Why does asking again make me stupid? I don't know if hes spent or added money therefore me asking for a joint account.
I asked years ago and hes only just done it in the meantime I have to live in shit not wanting to invite friends round.
His answer is why didn't you set up an account? I said because its your money. Blame shifting.

newjobsoon Sat 13-May-17 11:21:15

Just bought himself a classic car the other week.

Moanyoldcow Sat 13-May-17 15:43:47

Why are you with him? You don't sound happy at all.

Do you have kids? How old are you both?

isitjustme2017 Sat 13-May-17 16:11:27

God I hate men who have money issues. My stbxp is like this. I have to go to him cap in hand to give me money for things he SHOULD be paying for anyway. It makes you feel pathetic.
Is he generally really tight with money? Sorry but he won't change. Tell him you'll divorce him and take half his 'windfall' and see how he likes that.

BubblingUp Sat 13-May-17 16:17:58

Wait. He just bought a classic car? Your children have recently left home? He is less than forthcoming about money and not sharing it? He is picking fights? Could he be having an affair and/or about to leave?

Hermonie2016 Sat 13-May-17 16:35:21

You are not stupid and he's being hurtful as well as treating you with contempt.

Has he always been like this?

newjobsoon Sat 13-May-17 20:35:58

hmmmn see what you mean.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sat 13-May-17 20:37:49

Well the car would be an asset. .
See a solicitor and ltb. .

Naicehamshop Sat 13-May-17 20:57:55

He is speaking to you in this horrible way to stop you asking questions about his dodgy attitude to money. Don't let him intimidate you into dropping the subject.

Berrie1 Sat 13-May-17 20:59:14

You have two options really - leave him or put up with it. It doesn't sound like he is going to change as he clearly doesn't recognise that he is being unfair.

You need to put your happiness first. Life is too short.

newjobsoon Sat 13-May-17 21:08:52

Just talked with him about it and his attitude hasn't changed he thinks I am having my own way?
I think asking for a joint account is just normal for a couple but clearly he doesn't.

Berrie1 Sat 13-May-17 21:15:39

It is normal to want to have a joint account. IMHO he acting like a twat and clearly doesn't want to share any of his money with you. He is treating you like a child.

The only way you are going to get any money from him is by divorcing him....

MidnightHag Sat 13-May-17 21:22:02

Is he the sole earner? Is he implying that you can't be trusted with money?

newjobsoon Sat 13-May-17 22:43:29

no we both work full time. We both have our own salaried bank account this was just for extra money.
No he doesn't trust me as he was caught cheating about 4 years ago and I wanted more say in things so I could move on but he thinks I will ask him to leave.
So in effect he is really is pushing me to do so. odd.

newjobsoon Sat 13-May-17 22:46:09

He also said the only time it would be half mine is if we divorce!
He also said Have I ever said no to you about money?

ImperialBlether Sat 13-May-17 22:49:55

Oh I couldn't be bothered with this. Listen, your kids have left home and you are left with this twat. Leave him, get half of everything and start again. You know it makes sense!

newjobsoon Sat 13-May-17 22:55:22

Thanks Imperial you made me laugh. Don't get why it has to be such hard work. He thinks I'm making demands. Silly me.

gren Sat 13-May-17 22:58:46

He sounds awful

newjobsoon Sat 13-May-17 22:58:56

Might just get myself a little flat and start over I don't need this shit. Hes fat balding and snores but fancies himself you know what I mean.
Big belly and sunglasses in classic car. Yuk. I tried.

Moanyoldcow Sat 13-May-17 23:07:45

Look - he's a dick, your kids are gone, you can support yourself. Just leave. It's a nonsense from start to finish.

He cheated and you took him back - he thinks he can get away with anything. Call it a day.

twattymctwatterson Sun 14-May-17 00:18:36

He's financially abusive. He's condescending, belittling and insulting and he cheats on you. Seriously LTB and take half of everything when you go

Teabay Sun 14-May-17 09:38:40

Ok, imagine the following two scenarios - both completely possible.
1. It's Sat afternoon after a long week at work. You're watching him tinker with car, you have no money, house is not finished but you are not allowed any money to finish it....But you can look forward to bedtime with a fat snoring bald belly...

2. It's Sat afternoon after a long week at work. You're sitting in a lovely clean & tidy flat, just contemplating a quiet bath and book before you go out to meet a friend for tea....But you are looking forward to an early night in freshly laundered sheets and a lie in Sunday morning.

Pick one!

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