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Nervous about sex and pregnancy

(16 Posts)
LovelyBath77 Sat 13-May-17 08:08:08

We have two children 8 and 12. I have had a lot of pelvic and emergency surgery. Been advised any further pregnancies would be dangerous.

It's affecting our sex life. I have been to a specialist gynae doc who advised the mirena but I read it could cause complications in those with lots of scar tissue internally (have a retroverted womb and it is 'pinned down with scar tissue' as the doc says) anyway the options were the mini pill and the injection. I went for the mini pill.

I'm finding I'm avoiding sex for the two reasons - pain and also worry about pregnancy. I guess the answer may be to also use condoms or DH to get the snip. Not sure.

It's just all so un-sexy. I wonder if I'm being OTT about the pregnancy risk. In the letter the gynae doc mentioned due to the loss of small bowel I have had it might not be absorbed properly, but we discussed it and my periods have stopped so think it probably is. I'm 40 now and also with the internal scar tissue probably any ovulation wouldn't progress to the womb anyway- such scar tissue can be a cause of infertility.

I know any pregnancy would result in an abortion (early hopefully) or a c-section which would be difficult due to all the surgery, and a potential risk of small bowel obstruction during pregnancy. They said an obstetrician and surgeon would have to be involved.

It feels like sex is now a thing to be feared and I think of all the surgery etc and it's become sort of associated. has anyone anything similar- people who have had pelvic or c-section surgery perhaps.

How safe is the mini pill I wonder. My concern is, as it stops the periods, it may be possible to be pregnant and think the periods are stopped due to the pill. Obviously not atm due to lack of sex. DH has IBD (inflammatory bowel disease). so that obviously affects things as well.

Maybe I should try the injection or implant instead. I think they said something about osteoporosis though.

Rescuepuppydaft2 Sat 13-May-17 08:26:57

Have you discussed your fears with your dh? There is a relatively easy way he can reassure you and that is to have a vasectomy. I had horrific pelvic issues during both pregnancies and was advised that if I had another child I would spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair.

My husband went straight to our g.p and asked for a vasectomy, our daughter was weeks old when his appointment came through. I am so grateful to him, the time waiting for the hospital to confirm that it had worked was nerve wracking. Like yourself I was panicking, we used the mini pill and condoms to be sure. Our sex life was fantastic once that confirmation came through.

Unfortunately the damage was already done with my pelvis and combined with another condition I am now wheelchair bound. I felt bad that he had went through that, for me only for me to end up in a wheelchair anyway. But my husband told me not to be daft, he didn't want any more children and the reassurance that it gave us both was more than worth it.

Would your dh consider this? I imagine that there is much less risk involved in his having a vasectomy than for you to go through even more surgery.

category12 Sat 13-May-17 08:29:56

I would see how he feels about vasectomy.

Rescuepuppydaft2 Sat 13-May-17 08:34:25

As for the pain aspect, have you looked into different positions that cause less pain for you? There are other ways to please each other that shouldn't be as painful. I was given a hand out with advice for sex positions from my physio. Some were not for us but we have found ways to still please each other and enjoy the closeness of making love.

I will admit that often there is still pain for me, but the closeness with my dh and the enjoyment of orgasm makes it worth it for me. We don't get the chance to make love often enough but we enjoy it when we do.

LovelyBath77 Sat 13-May-17 08:39:16

Thanks for the replies. Where your DH's Ok after the snip? Don't want him to have lots of pain too.

category12 Sat 13-May-17 08:51:39

My ex had the snip, sore for a short time and no problems thereafter.

My current bloke had the snip couple of years ago, sore for a week or so, and no problems since. Goes like a weasel. grin

Rescuepuppydaft2 Sat 13-May-17 08:55:17

Dh was uncomfortable for a day or two, but he says it was more than worth it. To be honest with the risk of pregnancy being so dangerous and the impact that the anxiety has on your sex life I would have thought he would have at least offered to look into vasectomy.

Look at what your poor body has been through to give him two beautiful children. Vasectomy is a relatively simple procedure that can often be done at your local health centre under local anaesthetic.

Patchouli666 Sat 13-May-17 10:13:41

Well, Ive just had a hysterectomy for womb and scar tissue probs caused by four caesarians. And already the pain I had before has gone. It's very sore, yes but the pain is surgical pain and wind pain.
Whatever you get your hubby to do, it will remove the pregnancy risk, yes, but it won't stop your pain. Maybe worth having a chat to your gynae to see what he/she thinks?

LovelyBath77 Sat 13-May-17 10:19:15

They've told me that due to the amount of previous surgery (several bowel resections) I'll only have surgery in future if life threatening, so hysterectomy wouldn't be an option.

i'm not sure he realises how serious the situation is with regards another pregnancy as he wasn't at the appt with the doc. I think he thinks it's just about pain. Think I maybe need to talk to him and see what he thinks, condoms could be another option as well along with the mini pill which I'll continue taking anyway as it helps with pain not having periods.

Keepcalmanddrinkcoffee Sat 13-May-17 11:27:48

What about being sterilised? I had it done and it was a great relief to not worry about pregnancy.

confusedat23 Sat 13-May-17 11:30:08

Have you considered having your tubes tied too OP? If you DH then had the snip too there is next to no chance of getting pregnant then is there?

LovelyBath77 Sat 13-May-17 15:47:27

I doubt they'd be able to do that cos of the adhesions to be honest. But thanks for the suggestion. Last time on ultrasound they said the womb is all retroverted and stuck to the rectum (have had the bowel rejoined at the rectum) and the gynae said probably infertile due to pelvic adhesions. No-one wants to go near the area surgically due to id causing more problems. So unless there is some way of blocking the tubes internally, which also may be tricky, think it would be a no-go.

Trying to pick a good time to bring up the snip with DH. (I won't call it that though!)

LovelyBath77 Sat 13-May-17 16:16:28

Ok, I checked online and there is an option of sterilisation not involving surgery. It says

A narrow tube with a telescope at the end, called a hysteroscope, is passed through your vagina and cervix. A guidewire is used to insert a tiny piece of titanium metal (called a microinsert) into the hysteroscope, then into each of your fallopian tubes. This means that the surgeon does not need to cut into your body.
The implant causes the fallopian tube to form scar tissue around it, which eventually blocks the tube.

Hmm, nit sure I fancy this metal idea, I can imagine would be tricky with the retroverted womb business and possibly risky- could maybe ask the doc though.

FrogFairy Sat 13-May-17 22:54:46

Vasectomy would be the ideal answer, but I wonder if endometrial ablation could work?
Not major surgery, a balloon inserted through your cervix, filled with water which is heated and destroys the womb lining.
They will only do this for women who want no more babies as there is no womb lining for an egg to implant.

But frankly I think you have been through enough and your DH should get the snip.

HeddaGarbled Sat 13-May-17 23:50:15

I think I'd just give up PIV and do other things instead. I'm not being flippant. Regardless of the contraceptive issues, if PIV causes you pain, don't do it. There are lots of other things you can do, which will be more enjoyable for you.

LovelyBath77 Sun 14-May-17 16:49:43

I can't face anything invasive like coil or eblation, the whole pelvic area is apparently fused with adhesions, a 'conglomerate' is how the surgeons call it meaning organs like bowel and womb joined together, it's all too risky in terms of possible complications.

I'm going to just stay on the mini pill as it helps me not to have periods in terms of pain, intercourse is actually not too bad, but I think he needs to step up a bit so going to say either condoms or the snip possibly, he can choose...

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