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Anyone tricked their partner into having a baby?

(262 Posts)
B42 Sat 13-May-17 02:50:33

My friend is lovely, sweet, tough, strong willed.

Has been in a relationship for 4 years. Her dp loves her but as a result of a fucked up upbringing, won't marry her.

She doesn't care about marriage but at the age of 40, does care about the clock ticking with regards to kids.

He says he loves her to death. Doesn't want to be with anyone else, isn't looking. And wants children. But wants to be married first.

So catch 22.

She finally decided to take matters into her hands and stop taking the pill. Without his knowledge.
And is now pregnant. Has never been happier.

He is over the moon too.

But she is now feeling guilty that she "tricked" him.

Personally I think all's well that ends well.

What do you think?

Terfing Sat 13-May-17 02:51:09

Poor kid sad

B42 Sat 13-May-17 02:52:43

Why poor kid Terfing? They love each other and are in it for the long run.

OlennasWimple Sat 13-May-17 02:53:09

Yeah, not exactly the best way to bring a child into the world

Is it really your friend or you, OP?

B42 Sat 13-May-17 02:53:58

Definitely not me. But I do have a lot of sympathy for my friend's way of thinking.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 Sat 13-May-17 02:54:38

It's so obviously you you're talking about, OP, and I think that's a really despicable thing to do.

SaltySalt Sat 13-May-17 02:54:48

Wants to be married first or dosent want to marry her? I'm confused.

SuperBeagle Sat 13-May-17 02:55:04

I think it's grim as fuck, tbh.

The truth will come out eventually. It always does.

diodati Sat 13-May-17 02:58:54

No, the truth doesn't have to come out. I should know.

SuperBeagle Sat 13-May-17 03:01:19

diodati Well, takes one liar to know another, I suppose. hmm

diodati Sat 13-May-17 03:10:00

Yup. Ain't it the truth, Super

kateandme Sat 13-May-17 03:11:31

if the man had poked whole in his condom and same thing happened how would you feel op
I think its great they are happy but its so dam hurtfuly deceptive of her.such a betrayal of trust. so the outcome though is what they both are happy over for me its the principal or the action of such tricking over what she has done.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sat 13-May-17 03:23:10

I think she should feel guilty, tbh - it's not the right way to have gone about it.
I get that he had hang-ups, but you don't force the issue in that way. You talk it through, you explain the biological situation, you tell him what it's likely to mean if he continues to let his hang-ups rule his life. You ask him to go to counselling, you suggest that if he doesn't, you'll have to think about whether or not you want to remain with him long-term if it means never having a child because of his hang-ups (emotional blackmail but still better because it involves a choice on his part).

It is LUCKY that this has turned out well (so far) and I hope that it ends well too. But bad bloody idea.

JustAnotherPoster00 Sat 13-May-17 03:26:21

So your 'friend' decided to sexually assault her dp? Classy hmm

GypsyQueen Sat 13-May-17 03:26:23

If she hadn't done something about the situation she would have been too old to have children. He didn't seem to care about the stress that must have caused her
, despite all his declarations of love.

B42 Sat 13-May-17 03:29:32

It's so obviously you you're talking about, OP,

No, definitely not me. And I have name changed for this thread (am a regular) so not to be outed.

To those up in arms about the situation, I just don't think it's black and white but judge away as you will.

They have been together 4 years. He loves her and wants to be together forever, but, for reasons linked to his parents unhappy marriage, had a block when it came to commitment and family.

She, however, was realistic about her biological clock ticking along, didn't care about marriage but did want to have a family with the man she loves, and who loves her, and eventually took matters into her own hands.

Outcome is that they are both over the moon with live and happiness.

How is that wrong?

Ginger782 Sat 13-May-17 03:29:57

Pretty rubbish. I agree with the 'poor kid' comment.
Your 'friend' should have left the bloke long ago and found another man or had a baby alone.

SuperBeagle Sat 13-May-17 03:32:06

Yeah, OP, the more you post, the more obvious it is that you're talking about yourself.

Ginger782 Sat 13-May-17 03:34:54

OP, if you think it's fine and are going to be defensive about the reponses, why did you post?

Plunkette Sat 13-May-17 03:37:53

It's wrong because it's deceitful. It removed his choice.

Will she do the same for number 2 if he decides one is enough?

What about number 3?

A relationship based on lies and manipulation stands on a rocky foundation.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sat 13-May-17 03:41:23

What Plunkette said.

B42 Sat 13-May-17 03:41:58

Just stating that the outcome is that they are both ecstatic. So IMHO she understood.
He had never been happier. All of us say what a changed man he is. He's going to be a great dad.
But it would not have been had she not taken matters into her own hands.

B42 Sat 13-May-17 03:42:56


IMHO she understands him.

He has never been happier

MeltingSnowflake Sat 13-May-17 03:46:55

You'd be surprised at how many people (my mother and close friends included!) have hinted I do the same (I'm in a similar situation).

I would NEVER do it - it's unfair, and it's risky - you have to respect the rights of people to not want children and not force them upon someone, whatever the eventual outcome.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sat 13-May-17 03:47:13

Yes, get all that - but it could have gone the other way.
The POINT though, is that the ends don't justify the means. She should have been above board about it, not underhanded.

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