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Cant get over a married coworker!! Frustated:(

(87 Posts)
perplexed89 Sat 13-May-17 02:03:24

I am a happily married women, married 6 years ago. When i say happily married, i really mean it.I am in a travelling job, travelling every week for 4 days. I have been doing this for the last 10 years. Everything was fine until few months back a guy(lets call him David) joined the company as my new boss. I dont know when but i have developed a strong crush on him.
I recently came to know he is married and has a 4 year old son. I dont know anything about his wife / their relation.

I am getting mixed signals from him. He is an anti social guy. We only talk about work related stuff in office and otherwise. Nothing else. However, he is very charming and warm. Or may be i feel that way!!

We sometimes have office parties and he always casually asks me if i am going. But my response doesnt change his decision anyway. Anyway we had a recent party to which i went and he was also there He opened up a bit and told me that i was dong good in my work etc etc. then all of a sudden he asked when i was going to show him my hubbyz photo. I just said sometime soon. Then we generally spoke about my husbandz work and i was praising my husband and he asked , you think your husband is better than me?? i just ignored the comment.

As the party progressed, i think he got a bit drunk and started giving hi fis though he was giving it to other people too. However, he did talk to me about random stuff.

I dont think of this all this is a big deal but at last i was sitting and he sat very very close to me. When i moved farther he asked me why i was moving and not sitting clos. I told him bcoz there so much space here. To be honest, i was liking him sitting next to me but there were other people so i couldnt help. Anyway as i pushed farther he got up.

Sometime later i went home.
Later i messaged him that i liked speakIng to him and he said he was very glad that i came.

I dont think there is anything great about the conversation we had but david usually is very reserved and speaks only when spoken to and never talks much other than work. However during the party he opened up the conversation and even made sure i had the right equipement to play the game we all were playing as a group

Hey tease me a lot with his sarcasm and i have found him looking at me sometimes.

I am not sure what to make of this. I am already feeling guilty of cheating my husband but i cant get him out of my mind. I dont think i want any relation with david but his i like when he pays attention to me.

I want to vent this frustation out, so writing here. He is a leo cusp.

I cant change my job and dont know how to get over him

Plunkette Sat 13-May-17 02:12:25

What would you think of your husband if he behaved with a female colleague exactly as David behaved with you?

Would you be heartbroken?
Would you think he was a deceitful scumbag?
Would you feel sick?
Would you feel betrayed?

There you go, he's an arse.
His poor wife and your poor husband.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 13-May-17 02:14:50

If he's giving you signals, as a married father who is your boss, he's a grade A shit.

BastardGoDarkly Sat 13-May-17 02:19:18

I think you sound very immature.

Stop trying to read something into everything he says and does.

Complete detach and keep things strictly professional.

perplexed89 Sat 13-May-17 02:22:10

I know i am cheating my husband and feel like shit right now. I know this is all wrong and dont know how to stop itsad

I am not sure about what he thinks coz he is not like this when sober.

How do i get him out of my mindsad i dont want to be a homewrecker

perplexed89 Sat 13-May-17 02:24:00

Thanks much. I am aware i am going get a lot of backlashes heresad

I have decided to not go to any casual party post office or where we can get a chance to talk anything other than work

Plunkette Sat 13-May-17 02:24:09

Imagine losing your job and your husband. That should help.

Heebejeebees Sat 13-May-17 02:25:45

You're not happily married if you're posting about another man asking for opinions on the Internet.

I hate cheaters. Biased as I was cheated on. Don't even go there, think it, post it, if you love your husband.

user1486956786 Sat 13-May-17 02:26:12

Stop even trying to work out what he's thinking? You are both married. Not happening. End of

user1486956786 Sat 13-May-17 02:26:48

Good idea , avoid alcohol at all costs.

perplexed89 Sat 13-May-17 02:29:46

You are right, i shouldnt be giving a damn about what he thinks. I need to try hard to distance myself from him, in which ever way possible.

I just hope i get out of this soon

user1486956786 Sat 13-May-17 02:34:07

You will!!! Just treat him like any other co worker and I do think it will pass eventually.

perplexed89 Sat 13-May-17 02:35:24


anon1987 Sat 13-May-17 02:37:44

Grow up

Arealhumanbeing Sat 13-May-17 02:39:01

You think your husband is better than me? hmm

Not attractive OP. Smacks of false confidence and fuckery.

It may be he is trying to get your attention. See if he can get you to like him and then cold shoulder you.

One possibility but whatever happens it could end up hurting. Hurting a lot.

user1486956786 Sat 13-May-17 02:41:03

PS don't text him again unless about work! I had stupid crush once and sent not an inappropriate message but a message that I wouldn't normally send in those circumstances and looking back I'm cringing at the thought

allthingslipsticks Sat 13-May-17 02:42:58

Is this post for real?

perplexed89 Sat 13-May-17 02:46:15

I can totally understand aready hurts so much. I dont want this to go any further.
I dont think i will ever act on this crush.

perplexed89 Sat 13-May-17 02:47:51

Some weeks are good where i dont think about him but some are just worse. Point noted, no texting

OlennasWimple Sat 13-May-17 02:51:35

Simples - don't text him or communicate with him except in a strictly professional context

Don't get drunk at an event where he is also there

Remember you are married - and happily so

Run everything you say and do through a "would I be happy with my dH saying / doing this to a female colleague" filter

e1y1 Sat 13-May-17 03:00:38

I have never known any manager/boss (in fact ANY employee) ask a colleague do they think their spouse is better than them.

Of course they think they're better - that's why they're married to them (well except some OP).

It's good that you indicate you want to stop it, as this will only end badly.

Not to be mean, your boss, and you sound slightly on the wrong side of mature.

Aquamarine1029 Sat 13-May-17 03:13:32

You're living in a fantasy world like a childish school girl. Get your shit together before you lose your job AND your husband. It's time to grow up.

jellymum1704 Sat 13-May-17 03:32:13

He sounds unprofessional, you need to get a grip and focus on your marriage instead. Does he travel with you on work? You will lose your husband and job if you act on your crush, so that should keep you from doing anything stupid. Don't text or meet him outside working hours, simple. What does being a Leo have to do anything with it?

BeachyKeen Sat 13-May-17 04:13:46

Just imagine meeting his 4 year old and saying, "I want to be the reason your family breaks up"

perplexed89 Sat 13-May-17 04:24:31

I would never want that to happen. To be honest, i am trying to overcome this but finding it extremely difficult. I don't want to break our families.

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