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Help with a Pregnant Girlfriend

(51 Posts)
Walesdad2017 Fri 12-May-17 22:31:22

Hi, my name is mike

I know I'm a man and I'm assuming this is a blog/message forum for mums.. but I really need some advice and not sure where else to turn.

My girlfriend is 7 weeks pregnant. And we seem to now be going through a very rough patch.

Let me explain out background a little first. I live in Wales and she lives in Bristol.. we have been dating from January and we got engaged around 3 weeks ago before we knew about the pregnancy.. it had been very quick.. but we are madly in love and have spent the majority of our time together.

She has a 9 year old son from a previous relationship, who very much enjoys my company and we do things together.. cinema, sports etc which no previous partner has ever done with him. I had been traveling back and forth for work etc and spending the evening with her and her son.

Since she found out she was pregnant everything had changed... she no longer wants me to sleep at her place.. even though I took a job in Bristol because she said I could move in with her.. until later in the year when we get a larger place. She says that I will stress her out during the pregnancy.. we can move in at 9 months just before she gives birth.

There has been one argument where she said I asked her if she was ok 5-6 times one day.. only because she was acting very weird and would not talk to me about anything. I was only trying to help. She is basing her whole pregnancy experience on this one day. I'm so desperate to be there with her during this pregnancy as it will be my only experience of this. She acts as it's nothing I'm missing out on as she has been through it once.

Am I being unreasonable? I just want to be with the woman I love and the futur mother of our child.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated

WellErrr Fri 12-May-17 22:39:37

Be kind, give her what she asks for eg space.

Pregnancy, particularly early pregnancy is a rollercoaster. Your hormones are all over the place, there will be physical changes, there may be nausea and there will definitely be extreme exhaustion. As well as this there are the mental pressures of feeling the responsibility of growing a new person, considering how you will provide for them and how it will affect everything else in your life, plus the thought of having a newborn to look after.

Now add onto this a man moaning about how he's missing out on his pregnancy experience and it's not faaaair.....can you see where I'm going with this?

I get that you're excited, and you have every right to be. But pregnancy is about the needs of the mother - just be there for her. It's not about you. And I say that in the kindest possible way.

JK1773 Fri 12-May-17 22:40:08

Hello Walesdad. What a rushed relationship firstly. You don't really know each other and I'm surprised you've already met her DS. Her behaviour is suggesting she may not be as invested in this relationship as you might think. If I behaved like this it would be because I was withdrawing emotionally. However she is pregnant, it may be that she's just feeling hormonal, ratty and overwhelmed. Maybe give her a little bit of space, sounds like she might want that. I've never been pregnant myself but when I'm hormonal somebody asking me 6 times in one day if I was ok would get snapped at (sorry it's inexplicable). I don't have much by way of advice other than you maybe need to step back slightly. If your relationship is as strong as you believe it will come good. She's maybe just struggling with all the changes in such a short time

Walesdad2017 Fri 12-May-17 22:50:57

What about all the plans changing? For example. She said I don't want you to move in with me now... but we can still do what we are doing, i.e. Sleeping together at her place in Bristol.. now she says it's too much.. I have hardly seen her all week. Maybe 15 mins her and there in passing through work etc

Walesdad2017 Fri 12-May-17 22:51:33

Shall I just give her the time and space? I'm just worried we are already drifting apart slightly 🙈

StiickEmUp Fri 12-May-17 22:53:28

How long have you known her in total

JK1773 Fri 12-May-17 22:59:44

Give her space mike or you'll lose her. Don't be needy, it's all about her right now, as hard as that is. She got a child, one on the way and the possibility of you moving in! All in the space of 4 months!!! It's all too quick. Rushing her right now is a recipe for disaster. Relax your plans for a while and give her time to come to terms with it. She'll respect you for it

ijustwannadance Fri 12-May-17 23:00:01

Seems really odd to me tbh.

Did she just want another child?
Are you sure it's yours?
Met, engaged and pregnant in just 4 months? Wow.

springydaffs Fri 12-May-17 23:05:14

You've given a lot of identifiable info in your op - anyways good to fudge those details on a public forum. Click 'report' and ask for details (eg exactly where you both live) to be changed or taken out.

Sorry for your situ op. Must be painful and confusing flowers

pombal Fri 12-May-17 23:08:52

She's pushing you away.
Does she have doubts about you being the father???

Aquamarine1029 Fri 12-May-17 23:17:38

Could she be having an affair? Her behaviour is very odd and I don't believe it's just her hormones.

Offred Fri 12-May-17 23:28:56

You have only been together 4 months, you got engaged after 3 weeks and she is nearly 2 months pg?!

This has absolute car crash written all over it!

Whose idea was the engagement?

Also you cannot possibly know whether she is acting strangely or not because you have been together for no time at all!

Offred Fri 12-May-17 23:30:46

She may well have simply woken up to the total and utter insanity of getting engaged after three weeks, planning to live together and being pregnant already.

I always think if a pregnancy occurs early in a relationship the best thing to do is back off from the relationship and focus on coparenting. She might just be doing that.

Offred Fri 12-May-17 23:32:40

You should get your own place in Bristol if your work and potential baby are going to be there and focus on being a father.

Walesdad2017 Fri 12-May-17 23:51:43

No we have been engaged for 3 weeks not after 3 weeks.

Also we have known each other from Christmas time.. and spent everyday talking all day and night.. we have both at that time we're self employed. So easy to make time etc

I know she isn't having an affair or cheating and that the baby is 100% mine so there is no worries about that from my end

About the time.. I know she is the one.. as much as some people will have a go at us for moving this quickly. We both spent along time discussing everything and talking through all the scenarios. And we were very happy with the decisions we made at the time.. but she appears to have gone back on everything we agreed??

Walesdad2017 Fri 12-May-17 23:53:26

My tenancy is my up until September in Newport.. and I suggested I find somewhere then for us to move into together and she didn't really like the idea of that. So I said I'm not going to move once in September and then move again at Christmas. Including paying two rents etc

Walesdad2017 Fri 12-May-17 23:56:19

I just don't know what to think st the moment.. almost as though I have been set-up a little bit. And now everything is changing again so fast 😔

HeddaGarbled Fri 12-May-17 23:57:10

I'm sorry to say, I think she's gone off you.

It's normal to feel "madly in love" this early in a relationship. It's often infatuation and the sex blinding you to reality. Then as you really get to know the other person, doubts creep in. You have your first row, or you notice the stuff the other person does which is irritating.

If it weren't for the pregnancy, she'd dump you, you'd be upset for a bit, then you'd recover and hopefully meet someone new. Unfortunately, the pregnancy means you are going to be linked forever.

I think you need to make plans for how you can be a dad to your child whilst separated from your child's mother. Sorry.

shyturnip Fri 12-May-17 23:57:36

How old are you and your partner OP?

robinia Sat 13-May-17 00:02:50

I think you just need to bide your time and see what happens. Don't put any pressure on her.
It could be just hormones and/or being overwhelmed by the pregnancy.
It could be cold feet or worse, got what she wanted. I hope for your sake it's the former but if you want the relationship to have any chance of working you need to give her the space she's asking for at the moment.

Walesdad2017 Sat 13-May-17 00:05:49

I'm 28 and she is 30

Offred Sat 13-May-17 00:07:42

But you barely know her!

How can you possibly know she is 'the one'?

You may really like her and really want to be with her but this has all gone so fast and it is not surprising that she is now slowing it down. Not surprising at all!

This kind of intensity and fast forwarding is often a sign of problems with control and an early sign of an abusive relationship.

I am not saying you ARE abusive, simply that there are million and one reasons why she should be cautious now she is pregnant and really only one reason for her to continue rushing this forward - because YOU want her to.

Offred Sat 13-May-17 00:10:48

And please try to put this relationship stress on the back burner.

The child and what you can contribute to its life is much more important than your relationship with a woman you hardly even know.

If the pg goes OK then you will be a parent to the child forever. You don't know whether this relationship will work out or not, and it definitely won't if you put pressure on it.

The child is the better emotional investment for you to make.

Walesdad2017 Sat 13-May-17 00:19:44

Also my travel costs back and forth to Bristol are around £30-40 per day.. which was one of the reasons we had decided to move in together so we could save.

She is saying that she is now worried that we will spend all our savings etc when we have the child and won't be able to buy our own place anytime soon, which is something we discussed.

How can she on one hand expect us to save when I am now having the added cost of travel 7 days a week?

Offred Sat 13-May-17 00:26:07

She doesn't want you to move in with her just now.

That's it.

That's the end of the story as far as you are concerned.

That is the only thing you need to listen to.

So what you need to do is get your own rented place in Bristol for now and see what happens without any pressure.

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