Is it when fil deliberately does stuff to get a rise out of me?
When he makes me feel as if I want my own dd to get hurt because I ask him to leave her be (she's finding her feet and he's like her shadow following her around all of the time)?
When he tells me he's doing something regardless of me asking him not to?
When he goes in a strop because I cook her evening meal?
When he tells her yes if I've told her no and does it anyway?
I've posted before about our current living situation (we moved to live with the in laws following the death of my mum, us having no family back in Wales to rely on as dd is epileptic). I was flamed for getting upset about mil arranging dd's first birthday cake behind my back, fil wanting to take over her birthday and constantly wanting to up his presents to her to try and make some sort of weird competition, wanting to join baby groups such as jo jingles with dd (if funds had allowed) and made to feel as if I should just let fil do what he wants out of gratitude for him allowing us to live in their house.
Our housing application came back as a band c, which to be honest I was expecting. But thanks to our rubbish car failing its mot any savings from dh's redundancy pay we had to look into private rented has been taken up by that. I doubt we would be able to sign up with a letting agent either as neither of us would pass the credit checks. I've looked on the Shelter website for advice about that, but I'm not too brilliant at navigating it.
When the health visitor came to do her introduction appointment mil was off work. So they were both sat in the room with us, constantly interrupting and trying to get dd's attention, despite the health visitor dropping hints for them to give us some space. I now go to clinic instead of her coming out to the house so that we can talk in private.
I'm struggling with my mental health. When my mum passed away my anxiety and panic attacks rocketed. I resorted to asking the Dr for help and was put on medication. So things had slowly calmed down. But they're building back up and I think it's a result of how things are here.
I spoke to the health visitor and she advised me to get to a local group that gives advice on housing, benefits etc. They're actually writing a supporting letter to the housing department and have asked the health visitor to do the same to see if that will help in any way. If not then we need to go back to the group and they will see what steps can be taken next.
I don't want to come across as ungrateful. But, at what point is enough enough? At what point can I actually put my foot down? At what point have I let more than enough slide because I feel indebted to them?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
at what point is it too much
pinklemonade84 · 12/05/2017 22:06
I don't think dh seems to get it. The panic attacks always hit at night, when things are quiet and I've got time to think about everything. He more often than not just turns over, goes back to sleep and leaves me to it to be honest 
The only income we have at the moment is dh's job seekers allowance. He is applying for everything he possibly can, but not really getting anywhere. We get child benefit, but I use that for dd, for her nappies and wipes and food/milk for her. I've requested the forms for child tax credits so will send them off and see if we get awarded that.
Since the car failed the mot, I've been looking for private landlords that aren't with letting agents but they seem so few and far between around here that anything remotely suitable is snapped up almost immediately
I actually got told off by fil the other day for spending a whole morning at one of the local parks. We got there and had the whole playground to ourselves and dd thought it was amazing. She was crawling around and exploring, and has ruined her leggings in the process as her knees got so grubby 
It honestly scares me a little bit to stand up to him. Dh obviously won't do it. And if fil goes in strops because I take her to a park for the morning or I cook her food myself then what will he be like when I start asserting myself? I was honestly made to feel last time I posted like it was a case of put up and shut up because they were being so kind in putting a roof over our heads
Like last night I was giving her food. I'd done her chicken, peas, pasta and stirred in some soft cheese and she was loving it. First off he came over holding her hand saying "where's my baby girl?" and then when I was putting some more on her tray he said "look at mummy throwing that food at you!". I actually almost said to him "if you want to refer to dh as a girl then go right ahead, he's in the kitchen"
We're trying to be as proactive as possible with housing. We've got the letters going off to the council to see if that will help with our banding. The group will support us if not. But, I am also looking for private landlords not with an agent everyday as the council should help us with a deposit if I can find one.
I just want out of here
I bite my tongue because he can be really spiteful. This afternoon he's gone off on one saying he will blame each and every single one of us (me, dh and mil) if dd gets hurt because he was told to leave her be. She's cruising round the furniture and starting to let go to stand on her own and as soon as she does he's there picking her up, so he got told by mil to back off and he moaned that she would hurt herself and I said she would let us know if she'd hurt herself. And once again he's made me feel as if I actually want her to get hurt because I'm not there shadowing her, keeping her from every little bump and knock
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.