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I think he may get primary residence HELP!

(14 Posts)
Chipshopninja Fri 12-May-17 13:39:06

I posted this on AIBU but wanted to post here as i think some of you may be able to offer advice



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To think he could get primary residence/custody?27
Today 00:01 Chipshopninja

I am considering seperating from my OH. I love him but like a brother and i dont think i can stay in the relationship for ever.

My main concern is that he has said he qould fight for custody of our child.

I consider myself the primary carer. I work part time around school.hours so i do all the drop offs and pick ups (with a handful of exceptions over the years)
I cook childa tea every week night.
I do all of doctors/dentists visits.

Homework and quality time at the weekend is split between us.
Bedtimes are also split 50/50

I have some issues which im worried he would use against me to get primary residence

When child was 6 months old following a traumatic medical time after the birth i said i wanted to kill myself. I never attempted suicide.

I suffer from anxiety and depression. I do my best to keep my child unaware of this and it does not impede my ability to parent. Im taking medication and attending cbt/counselling

I was drinking too much. I used to drink a bottle of wine a.night (self medicating the anxiety) i stopped in september and havent had a drink since.

Is it likely he would get primary custody?

He works full time, sometimes has to go away to other cities for work meaning hes back very late or stays overnight. He has a temper and there are two examples of him hurting my child because of this. Both were over a year ago and he claims to only remember one of them.

I think i would be in for a fight and because of the things ive listed i could end up losing. My child is 6

ETA...i realise i sound like a bad mother from these details. I have only put the bad stuffbin that i think he would use against me. I realise everyone would say this but my child is very happy, very loved and cared for. I believe i am a very good mother

Chipshopninja Fri 12-May-17 13:39:45

Sorry for the errors too...fat fingers and typing on phone

BertrandRussell Fri 12-May-17 13:40:32

I honestly thing you need proper legal advice.

Chipshopninja Fri 12-May-17 13:41:50

I have an appointment with a solicitor next week. Maybe im just looking for some advice or hand holding in the meantime i think

Changedname3456 Fri 12-May-17 15:13:49

I think it's unlikely he'll get primary, unless he could prove you're a risk to the children. It's much more likely to be 50:50, or skewed towards you, particularly given that you're p/t and more involved with their daily care.

Try and work something out between you, if you can (not always possible, and almost never "easy") because a contested hearing with solicitors and barristers involved would become very expensive.

He's likely going to be hurt that you're leaving him, and he'll be as worried about not seeing your dc (as much as he does know) as you plainly are. Some of what he's saying is no doubt reflective of this.

If you can get to a point where you can reassure him you're not going to screw him over ref the dc, and work out an arrangement that works well for you both (and dc) then try and do that. Ask him how he has planned for drop offs and pick ups. How's he going to change his work hours to make that work? Has he even thought it through?

Changedname3456 Fri 12-May-17 15:14:19

*now not know!

Chipshopninja Fri 12-May-17 16:42:27

Thanks changed thats made me feel a bit better.

traviata Fri 12-May-17 16:49:57

I think your biggest problem may be your previous drinking.

You say you haven't had a drink since September - excellent, but can you prove this? What are you doing now to help yourself stay off the wine that you weren't doing before? Do you have any help or support with not-drinking?

WatchingFromTheWings Fri 12-May-17 16:52:53

My ExH tried the old 'I'm going for custody' BS. I was advised by my solicitor that a judge would not likely take kids from the main carer and hand them over to the other parent (there would have to be extreme reasons for it to happens). Like you I worked PT, doing shifts that fitted in around him and the kids.

Several months after the split he started sending me solicitors letters suggesting he wanted 50/50 access. I calmly pointed out why that would not be possible (he physically could not have done it) and told him to take me to court if he wanted. Never heard a peep out of him about it since.

Chipshopninja Fri 12-May-17 17:24:32

Traviata yes i can rpove it if required.

I saw go in september for blood tests and my liver enzymes were raised.
I have been having blood tests every 3 months since and levels are back to normal now. Gps are aware i havent been drinking but have told me i am fine to deink socially now. I dont think i will as ive lost the taste for it to be honest.

I had no issues topping on my own, no side effects or any problems after a week i didnt even miss it.

Chipshopninja Fri 12-May-17 17:27:46

Watching what your solicitor told you was very reassuring for me thanks for sharimg that. Dd is not and has never been un danger.

In fact if anything my anxiety may have helped him. When he was showing the signs of appendecitis everyone including oh said it was just growing pains or a pulled muscle. I took him to hospital and luckily he was operated on before it ruptured.

QuiteLikely5 Fri 12-May-17 17:56:31

He hurt your child deliberately?!

No good telling s court that now unless of course the authorities were informed at the time

Enough101 Fri 12-May-17 18:30:48

Chipshop, I have PM'd you

Chipshopninja Fri 12-May-17 19:48:28

Thanks enough

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