Ex has died, child support have written.

[SimplyPut]

Not sure if this is the right location but here goes.

I left Ex when DC1&2 were under 2.5yrs. He was abusive to me, financially abusive to us all and choose to have no contact with the children from then on. He had paid a total of £472 in maintenance over a 13yr period. He frequently left jobs etc with CSA found him, arrested his wages at one point so he moved again. Of the £472, £40 was made up of £5 postal orders sent when he was unemployed from the DWP.

He recently committed suicide. Today I received a letter stating he owed over £20k in maintenance. Of which £16k is owed to me.
If I don't make contact then they will pursue his estate for their share only.

What would you do? Do I upset his family (3DC's and a partner/parents) and pursue this for the DC's or just leave it be?

[myoriginal3]

Yes.

[myoriginal3]

Pursue

[SimplyPut]

Yes, leave it be?

[SimplyPut]

Ah, x post. Thanks.

[catsofa]

Yes.

[Ginger782]

Pursue. It's for his children, not for you to have a holiday. His family can't deny that.

[JessieDoops]

Your children are entitled to it... Pursue

[PrincessGeorge]

Yes. Absolutely. For the children's futures even if you don't want to use the money now. It's a tiny consolation in a situation that has been beyond shit for you all.

[Emily7708]

I would pursue it, without a doubt.

[catsofa]

x post also, yes pursue it. It's your children he owed that money to.

[HappyLollipop]

Definitely pursue, that is money is rightfully owed to your children and could do a lot of good for their future!

[TyneTeas]

Yes

[SimplyPut]

Thank you all. Half of me feels like DH and I have raised the children, we work hard and that have good lives but this is theirs and would be better added to their savings than not. Then the other half thinks 'screw him, how dare he still be messing with our lives in death.'

[WildKiwi]

Definitely pursue it. Parents should provide for their young children both during their lifetime and through their estates.

Even if you don't need the money for day to day expenses now, you can always save it for when they're older.

[MommaGee]

Pursue and put aside fir when they're older x

[CatchingBabies]

Persue it. It's not your money to refuse it belongs to your children. If the estate dosnt have it then they won't get it but if there is money there then they are entitled to it and could use it in the future.

[SimplyPut]

Thank you all. I was worried it looked grabby. The DC's refused to attend the funeral (much to my relief, although I would never have let them know that).
I will call them tomorrow. According to the letter if their even is an estate left behind if he owed creditors they come first, then the CSA, then the kids.

[VimFuego101]

I would pursue. Presumably his partner will have some sort of life insurance and/ or be eligible for some sort of widows benefit.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

TBH the chances of getting a penny are slim to none, but there is nothing to be lost by trying.

[Italiangreyhound]

pursue it.

You will not look grabby and even if you did, he abused you and left you to raise his kids. Just pursue it and give it no more thought.

[TrinityTaylor]

pursue it and if anyone has the audacity to say anything just say it is going straight into an account for the kids to put towards uni/learning to drive/gap years or whatever. anyone who thinks you are wrong to pursue this on behalf of your kids is twisted, it's their money and he is their father living or not, who has totally screwed them over tbh despite them having a great upbringing by yourself

[TrinityTaylor]

also I love how the csa actually come before the kids when it comes to money owing, hilarious and typical!

[DumDumdum99]

Purse

[DumDumdum99]

Pursue sorry

[Lucked]

Does he have an estate? It doesn't sound like he's worked much!

Funny how the CSA appear to have got teeth now he's dead.