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Ex has died, child support have written.

(221 Posts)
SimplyPut Fri 12-May-17 01:08:00

Not sure if this is the right location but here goes.

I left Ex when DC1&2 were under 2.5yrs. He was abusive to me, financially abusive to us all and choose to have no contact with the children from then on. He had paid a total of £472 in maintenance over a 13yr period. He frequently left jobs etc with CSA found him, arrested his wages at one point so he moved again. Of the £472, £40 was made up of £5 postal orders sent when he was unemployed from the DWP.

He recently committed suicide. Today I received a letter stating he owed over £20k in maintenance. Of which £16k is owed to me.
If I don't make contact then they will pursue his estate for their share only.

What would you do? Do I upset his family (3DC's and a partner/parents) and pursue this for the DC's or just leave it be?

myoriginal3 Fri 12-May-17 01:09:42


myoriginal3 Fri 12-May-17 01:10:09


SimplyPut Fri 12-May-17 01:10:29

Yes, leave it be?

SimplyPut Fri 12-May-17 01:11:04

Ah, x post. Thanks.

catsofa Fri 12-May-17 01:11:25


Ginger782 Fri 12-May-17 01:12:12

Pursue. It's for his children, not for you to have a holiday. His family can't deny that.

JessieDoops Fri 12-May-17 01:12:35

Your children are entitled to it... Pursue

PrincessGeorge Fri 12-May-17 01:12:41

Yes. Absolutely. For the children's futures even if you don't want to use the money now. It's a tiny consolation in a situation that has been beyond shit for you all.

Emily7708 Fri 12-May-17 01:12:42

I would pursue it, without a doubt.

catsofa Fri 12-May-17 01:13:09

x post also, yes pursue it. It's your children he owed that money to.

HappyLollipop Fri 12-May-17 01:14:38

Definitely pursue, that is money is rightfully owed to your children and could do a lot of good for their future!

TyneTeas Fri 12-May-17 01:14:52


SimplyPut Fri 12-May-17 01:16:52

Thank you all. Half of me feels like DH and I have raised the children, we work hard and that have good lives but this is theirs and would be better added to their savings than not. Then the other half thinks 'screw him, how dare he still be messing with our lives in death.'

WildKiwi Fri 12-May-17 01:17:03

Definitely pursue it. Parents should provide for their young children both during their lifetime and through their estates.

Even if you don't need the money for day to day expenses now, you can always save it for when they're older.

MommaGee Fri 12-May-17 01:18:06

Pursue and put aside fir when they're older x

CatchingBabies Fri 12-May-17 01:19:00

Persue it. It's not your money to refuse it belongs to your children. If the estate dosnt have it then they won't get it but if there is money there then they are entitled to it and could use it in the future.

SimplyPut Fri 12-May-17 01:20:36

Thank you all. I was worried it looked grabby. The DC's refused to attend the funeral (much to my relief, although I would never have let them know that).
I will call them tomorrow. According to the letter if their even is an estate left behind if he owed creditors they come first, then the CSA, then the kids.

VimFuego101 Fri 12-May-17 01:24:01

I would pursue. Presumably his partner will have some sort of life insurance and/ or be eligible for some sort of widows benefit.

PyongyangKipperbang Fri 12-May-17 01:32:37

TBH the chances of getting a penny are slim to none, but there is nothing to be lost by trying.

Italiangreyhound Fri 12-May-17 01:34:43

pursue it.

You will not look grabby and even if you did, he abused you and left you to raise his kids. Just pursue it and give it no more thought.

TrinityTaylor Fri 12-May-17 01:46:54

pursue it and if anyone has the audacity to say anything just say it is going straight into an account for the kids to put towards uni/learning to drive/gap years or whatever. anyone who thinks you are wrong to pursue this on behalf of your kids is twisted, it's their money and he is their father living or not, who has totally screwed them over tbh despite them having a great upbringing by yourself

TrinityTaylor Fri 12-May-17 01:47:59

also I love how the csa actually come before the kids when it comes to money owing, hilarious and typical!

DumDumdum99 Fri 12-May-17 01:57:29


DumDumdum99 Fri 12-May-17 01:57:45

Pursue sorry

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