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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Tell me there's an innocent explanation for this...

999 replies

backscratcher · 11/05/2017 23:00

Talk me down please.

Been with dp almost 3 years. Lovely guy, good relationship, no doubts whatsoever about him. Both in our late 30s, live together, I have one child from previous relationship. We're happy.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. Small party/family meal has been planned - details confirmed about 2 weeks ago. I discussed with dp who said he couldn't make it as he had to work overtime tomorrow and wouldn't be finished until late. Was unsure at what time exactly, but would be late. Overtime isn't uncommon in his workplace, but he doesn't tend to pick it up. We don't need the overtime money. Not well off, but not struggling - managing ok. I thought nothing of it.

Tonight he's gone upstairs for a bath and left his phone on charge in the kitchen. Phone buzzed with a message. It's an iphone where part of the message shows up on the homescreen but it's password protected and I don't know the password. Message said "6:30 suits me. XXXXXX does great french martinis!! ;-) Are you coming straight..." It was from David. I don't know a David. I don't know that he is friends with a David.
I googled the XXXXX place and it's a pub/restaurant place about a 40 minute drive away.

This was about an hour and a half ago.
He's in bed now and I'm sitting here shaking.

Please talk me down. This is innocent, right?

:-(

OP posts:

Report

WannaBe · 11/05/2017 23:03

No. Best case scenario he doesn't really want to go to your sister's birthday and has arranged to go out with the lads under the pretext of overtime.

Worst case scenario he's seeing someone else. You need to talk to him.

Does he do a lot of overtime?

jeaux90 · 11/05/2017 23:05

could be a wrong number
could be an arrangement he has made for next week with someone you don't know
He lied about tomorrow and is meeting someone else

Can't think of anything else but if it was me I would ask.

moutonfou · 11/05/2017 23:06

I think you have to talk to him and be honest that you saw part of the message on the homescreen. You weren't snooping.

nicholar · 11/05/2017 23:06

I wouldn't be able to stop myself from asking. I couldn't not know, but be prepared to not like the answer.

CharlieBoo · 11/05/2017 23:07

Why don't you turn up there tomorrow at the bar/restaurant.. then you'll know for sure ..

ImperialBlether · 11/05/2017 23:07

"David" will be a woman, I'm afraid. It's a horrible situation to be in, but I'd be at that place tomorrow.

Hidingtonothing · 11/05/2017 23:08

I would have to go there tomorrow too, sorry this is happening to you OP

ashtrayheart · 11/05/2017 23:08

You can usually swipe and view message on an iPhone without using a pin I think?

LittleMissCantbebothered · 11/05/2017 23:08

Turn up at the bar at 6:45. Don't ask him about it, he will only lie if it's something no so innocent, cancel the meeting and cover his tracks.

nicholar · 11/05/2017 23:08

TBH I'd turn up too!

JK1773 · 11/05/2017 23:09

Ask him OP. It doesn't look good but there might be a very innocent explanation in which case you are worrying over nothing. I hope it's nothing xx

ashtrayheart · 11/05/2017 23:09

Sounds a bit dodgy but people in a full blown affair don't normally leave their phones lying around either.

backscratcher · 11/05/2017 23:09

No, he doesn't.
Others in his workplace tend to pick it up because they want/need the extra money.
Last time he did it I think was in March I think and that was because they were struggling with a big order and he felt 'guilted' into it.Before that I can't remember when it was.

He likes my sister and family so can't see why he'd want to get out of it. The fench martini comment and winky face made me think it wasn't from a male friend :-(

OP posts:

CharlieBoo · 11/05/2017 23:09

Yes me too Imperial.. if you ask him he will most probably lie and then know you're onto him and cover his tracks more.. be clever, say nothing and snoop a bit more..

WhereAreMyTesticlesSummer · 11/05/2017 23:11

He's meeting another woman and has her number saved as 'David'.

A straight man would not text another man about amazing french martinis followed by a winky face.

backscratcher · 11/05/2017 23:12

Sorry, other replies came through whilst I was replying to wannabe.
He doesn't usually leave his phone lying around - he's usually on it playing games on it, or facebooking. It's always on silent though. It's just that I was in the kitchen and right beside it when it buzzed with the message.
When he came out of the bath he came down and took it back upstairs with him.

OP posts:

Cricrichan · 11/05/2017 23:12

At best he'd rather go out with his mates than to your sister's, at worst it's a woman. the only way to know for sure is to turn up.

MyKingdomForBrie · 11/05/2017 23:12

Urgh. Does he have an iPhone? Do you have friend finder?

backscratcher · 11/05/2017 23:12

When I say buzzed with a message I mean it vibrated. His phone was on silent.

OP posts:

LilyMcClellan · 11/05/2017 23:14

I wouldn't ask. If he's meeting a woman, you'll likely get a lie. "Oh, that was from my old mate David, I'm meeting him in a couple of weeks for a drink after work. Tomorrow? No, it's not tomorrow, it's a couple of weeks away."

Do you have a friend who could go past the pub tomorrow and scope it out? If he's with a woman, you have your answer. Much as I hope that's not what it is.

backscratcher · 11/05/2017 23:14

WhereAre - that's what I think :-(
The part of the message I saw just screamed that it was a woman. The use of !! too just made me think it was a woman.

OP posts:

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 11/05/2017 23:14

Don't ask him, he will lie. I'd be at the place tomorrow. A 40 minute drive away? Sorry but if its innocent whys he going so far

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BifsWif · 11/05/2017 23:15

I'd be going to that bar tomorrow. You'll have your answer. If you ask him outright, he will lie and cover his tracks better the next time.

FetchezLaVache · 11/05/2017 23:15

I don't think he's meeting the lads. I am prepared to be told I am quite wrong, but IME a group of men rarely considers the quality of the martinis when choosing a place to meet.

I don't think it's a wrong number either, because it was a number already saved to your DP's phone.

I am sorry, OP, but I think the likeliest explanation is that 'David' is actually the woman he is seeing, or hoping to start seeing.

If you can't talk to him about it, or don't trust him to tell you the truth, what time is your sister's meal? Can you be at XXXXX at 6.30 and still make the birthday dinner?

BifsWif · 11/05/2017 23:17

If you can't go to the bar, could you ask a friend?

If your instinct is telling you that it's a woman, trust it.

Flip

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