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Am i in a controlling relationship?

(250 Posts)
CJ789 Thu 11-May-17 14:55:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elephantscansing Thu 11-May-17 14:58:11

Yes. LTB.

Ring up your family and start seeing them again. Enlist their help to get rid of him.

Musicaltheatremum Thu 11-May-17 14:58:15

Yes you are in a controlling relationship. Get out now. This is not normal.

Singyourheartout Thu 11-May-17 14:58:55

I'm sorry your in this position.
Do not marry this man.

RebornSlippy Thu 11-May-17 14:59:28

I think you do know what is going on Chloe. So many worrying red flags here I don't even know where to start...

Bottom line. Dump him. You're 18. Get out there and live your life.

ErnieAndBernie Thu 11-May-17 15:00:33

Yes. Yes you are. Run for the hills and don't look back.
What is your rent/ mortgage situation? In what ways are you financially tied together? Start rekindling those old friendships and keep in touch with your family as much as possible. This is not normal sorry flowers

DarkFloodRises Thu 11-May-17 15:01:40

Please leave. Please. Before you become tied to this man.

SiouxieQ Thu 11-May-17 15:01:40

Yes you are but I think deep down you know that. He will only get worse the longer you stay with him
Please contact women's aid and refuge for support.

Good luck OP you don't have to put up with this behaviour and you don't deserve it.

DancingLedge Thu 11-May-17 15:01:45


- has to bring you to work and pick you up
- controls who you see and talk to
- cuts you off from friends
- won't let you spend the night with your family

I'm really sorry, but love that involves having power and control over someone is not anything remotely like love for another person. So no, he does not love you.

Quartz2208 Thu 11-May-17 15:02:28

He is keeping you a prisoner and has isolated you from everyone and he seems to be stealing your money if you are the only one working. He leaves you on your own while he goes out and spends his money

Its not a relationship and its not a life. If he is like this after 10 months its only going to get worse

Its one of the worst relationships 10 months in I have seen. So leave and dont look back while you still can

Jussayingisall Thu 11-May-17 15:04:17

What everyone else has said. The controlling will get worse and you will become more and more isolated. Please seek help from your family as soon as possible

oscareyeballs Thu 11-May-17 15:04:56

You're way too young to be caught up in this. This is a) not a relationship and b) not love

This is an emotionally abusive relationship and, if there are no children or wedding vows involved, one I would run from and never look back.

Talk to your family, get some support from them but defo not something you should marry into

Gallavich Thu 11-May-17 15:05:07

It's pretty amazing that at 18 you are switched on enough to notice this
You know it's controlling and you know it's unacceptable. I just hope you also know that he won't change and your only safe course of action is to leave him.

RegTheMonkey1 Thu 11-May-17 15:07:18

I rarely comment on threads like these because other posters seem to have such wise and valuable advice. But this just jumped out at me. At 18 you should not be living like this. You should be surrounded by friends and family, having fun, going out, having the time of your young life. This is the opposite of all that. Walk away, get your life back. There will be plenty of guys who will love you, respect you, cherish you and let you be who you are. This guy is not the one. Please listen to everyone on here.

CJ789 Thu 11-May-17 15:08:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Potplant Thu 11-May-17 15:10:05

Of course he is. You know it. It will get worse. Don't marry him and definitely don't get pregnant.
You are so so young, go back to your parents and start again.

DarwinChrist Thu 11-May-17 15:11:13

You should not marry this man.

Picture your life in 10, 20 or 40 years down the time being married to this man, if you survive that long.

Sorry to be blunt, but you've only been together for 10 months and already you're the one providing an income yet he's not allowing you to spend your money. He proposed to you presumably to keep you/stop you from questioning many of his Red flags.

It's only been 10 months, OP.

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 11-May-17 15:11:16

This is not love, this is control and controlling behaviour that he is showing you here is abusive. He does not love you at all but regards you merely as his possession to use as he sees fit.

At 18 as well you have no little to no life experience behind you so are also vulnerable to outwardly charming but predatory types who target women to control. Men like this one hate women, all of them. He went for you because he thought you would be easier to control.

He does not love you, he wants to control you and to date he has succeeded.

Get away from him using family and friends for support. Once you are safely away call the engagement off. Womens Aid can also help you here get you free of this person. Remember too that coercive control is a crime.

I would also suggest longer term that you enrol on Womens Aid Freedom Programme so you recognise the red flags in relationships far earlier. You could also do with reading "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft.

CJ789 Thu 11-May-17 15:11:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quartz2208 Thu 11-May-17 15:11:41

What does his mum make of all this?

DarwinChrist Thu 11-May-17 15:12:49

Treating you well and having respect for you as a person are different things.

Manipulation is key.

RebornSlippy Thu 11-May-17 15:13:29

Protects you from what?

paulapantsdown Thu 11-May-17 15:14:40

He is an abusive arsehole. He does not love you, he wants to own you.

Get away from this man.

Do not get pregnant - and do not leave birth control up to him.

Please get away from him. Been there, done this. You need to get away.

Paddybare Thu 11-May-17 15:15:33

He may have many good qualities OP, but none can ever outweigh or make up for the controlling aspect of his personality. This can only get worse, please get out while you can.

TheNaze73 Thu 11-May-17 15:17:09

Get out Op. This is highly disfunctional

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