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Found out two colleagues are having an affair. What would you do?

(84 Posts)
Selena88 Mon 08-May-17 19:09:08

Husband and wife both work for the same company (on the same site but in different offices). Husband is having affair with another colleague on a different site. OW is not known to the wife.

What would you do in the circumstances?

1. Ignore it and pretend you don't know?
2. Tell the husband you know?
3. Tell the wife you know?

For background, husband has form for cheating, once previously almost having an affair with a colleague but wife found out and put a stop to it. Full blown affair with at least one other person outside of work.

I want to stay out of this, can't see any good coming from telling anyone (professionally or personally) but another colleague who knows about this wants to clue the wife in. In an ideal world I'd maybe tell the husband I knew, but in the circumstances don't see how this could work.

DarkestBeforeDawn Mon 08-May-17 19:11:40

I would ignore it personally - do you really want to be the one to open the giant can of worms?

Figaro2017 Mon 08-May-17 19:14:36

You know when you accidentally smelly fart in M&S and walk away pretending you know nothing about it?

Similar approach needed here.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Mon 08-May-17 19:14:44

Option 1.

For a start, how do you know? Are you absolutely sure you have the facts right?

Also, how do you know that his wife isn't already aware? If he has form for cheating she may have noticed familiar signs..... As scummy as it is, this is your colleagues' private business.

MargotLovedTom1 Mon 08-May-17 19:14:47

Unless you are very close friends with the wife then do nothing. If the other colleague wants to be the one to tell then let them crack on.

Selena88 Mon 08-May-17 19:17:13

I agree with all comments and this is why I think staying the fuck out of this is the best thing to do. I am as certain as I can be that the wife doesn't know. I know the husband better but do know the wife reasonably well. I feel horrid about even knowing this but yes I'm absolutely sure it's happening, husband is not subtle so thought for a while he was up to something and saw it myself while with other colleagues last week.

Mysterycat23 Mon 08-May-17 19:17:23


Let your colleague do whatever they want.. at a safe distance from you.

peppatax Mon 08-May-17 19:19:06

I think you can only tell the wife with concrete evidence and even then due to the nature of the relationship as colleagues you'd want to do it totally anonymously.

Telling the husband you know is pointless if they are a serial adulterer.

I think that leaves you with option 1

Emphasise Mon 08-May-17 19:19:42

I'd almost guarantee his wife knows. If she wants to believe no one else does, let her.

Goingtobeawesome Mon 08-May-17 19:21:03

I feel sorry for the wife. How horrible for her when she finds out about her husband's cheating and then that people knew. I'd tell her.

magoria Mon 08-May-17 19:21:54

Tell OW it is a real shame she has lowered herself to just being the next in a line.

BitofaPoorEffort Mon 08-May-17 19:22:52

Ignore ignore ignore

Lalalallama Mon 08-May-17 19:28:20

Ignore. Ots not your business or place yo get involved.
Harsh that it sounds - these are colleagues not you sister/brother or best mate.
Keep your distance from it all. Dont get involved with gossip and ignore the situation.
What other colleagues say or do is nothing to do with you.

MissShittyBennet Mon 08-May-17 19:31:35

Stay very, very well out of it.

f83mx Mon 08-May-17 19:32:37

Unless you're close friends with either of them why would you get involved?

Doowappydoo Mon 08-May-17 19:32:57

In this situation (work context, not close friends with the wife) I would definitely ignore. She will probably find out in due course and yes it will be awful for her if she realises lots of people knew but that's his doing - if I was the wife I wouldn't expect colleagues to tell me that my DH was cheating.

I wouldn't confront him either, it will be pointless, he's not going to suddenly have a fit of remorse and presumably you might have to work with him in the future.

Pansiesandredrosesandmarigolds Mon 08-May-17 19:33:12

Stay out of it.

Barbaro Mon 08-May-17 20:30:48

I dunno I would probably tell the husband. But I work on a team of mainly men and if I found out one of them was being that horrible I would probably say something but we're all good friends so I guess that makes it different.

Mummyof4rugrats Tue 09-May-17 02:08:49

Could you write her an anonymous quick letter informing her that he's having an affair. Then she can choose what to do next. I understand it's hard as it's in the work place etc but she deserves to know the truth

PushingThru Tue 09-May-17 02:11:23

Just get on with my work.

TSSDNCOP Tue 09-May-17 02:15:06

Option 1, but gossip like crazy with my friends.

BubblingUp Tue 09-May-17 02:28:48

There are always colleagues having affairs. Never get involved.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 09-May-17 02:38:04

Stay the FUCK out of it.

AcrossthePond55 Tue 09-May-17 02:45:28

I'm normally in the chorus of 'tell, she deserves to know'. But since you have no personal friendship with the wife in this case, I'd keep well out of it.

DJBaggySmalls Tue 09-May-17 02:47:44

You cant win. If you say something you are the bearer of bad news and a shit stirrer. If it turns out to be untrue you're a shit stirrer. If you say nothing, she'll be the last to know, and think everyone is against her.
This is just one reason why I loathe people who have affairs; they make us all complicit in the cover up and make us assist them in hurting their partners.

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