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Had a titful

(55 Posts)
MozzchopsThirty Sun 07-May-17 16:55:11

God knows how much I've posted about my boyf on here
Been dating 3 years, met his kids once, his ex went crazy and we haven't done it since.
She calls all the shots, when he can & cant see them and if he doesn't tow the line she stops contact.
This means that every time she snaps her fingers he jumps as he's so desperate to see his dcs
She also stalks me on fb and uses it against him.

Haven't met any of his family

He's very odd about money, because my xmas list was more than his he asked for an extra present so it was 'fair'

I'm tired of it
We're at a point where we really don't like each other

MargotLovedTom1 Sun 07-May-17 16:57:22

It sounds like you know what to do. How the hell have you stood it for three years?!

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sun 07-May-17 17:03:48

Find a man who will prioritise you over his ex.
Simple. .

FrenchLavender Sun 07-May-17 17:05:25

How is she able to stalk you on FB? Just lock down your settings and make sure you don't have loads of comments from people on public display on your profile photos, and keep them fairly anonymous/innocuous. There is really no reason for anyone to be stalkable on social media if they take sensible grown up precautions.

It sounds as though your problems aren't all down to his ex anyway. Why don't you just move on?

Arealhumanbeing Sun 07-May-17 17:09:22

That thing with the Christmas present. Deeply deeply unattractive.

Mix56 Sun 07-May-17 17:25:48

life is too short... He is never going to man up with his ex.
You can't win......
Time to take care of yourself....

katronfon Sun 07-May-17 17:34:26

So, meant in the nicest possible way, why is he still your DP if you don't like each other?

MozzchopsThirty Sun 07-May-17 18:02:08

Why should I not allow comments on my profile pic
I have nothing to hide
I've blocked her but she must look from another account

I want to be someone's priority, not over their children obvs but if I was included in his time with them it wouldn't matter

But once in 3 years???
Always excuses, he wants them to himself, it will jeopardise the divorce, the ex will go crazy, he finds it difficult if my dcs and his dcs are together

The xmas thing really bothered me, my each used to be like that sad

isitjustme2017 Sun 07-May-17 18:20:18

If you're looking for people's opinions then I would say definitely get shot of him. I can understand he is being held to ransom by his ex and doesn't want to rock the boat, but sounds like he needs to grow a pair. The xmas present thing is just weird and I can't stand men who are odd about money. My stbxp is and I will never tolerate it again.

MozzchopsThirty Sun 07-May-17 18:32:12

Yes I guess I'm asking for opinions
Thank you

FrenchLavender Sun 07-May-17 18:36:27

Well if you don't want hostile people to see photos of what's going on in your life and to use it against you/him then that's what you will have to do. Is it really such a hardship to just set you settings so that nosey people can't see anything to get in a stew about? If you put stuff out there in the public domain then you can hardly blame her for looking at it.

Why is it so important to you to be included in his time with his children? Perhaps he doesn't particularly want to blend your families and is happy to keep that separate from your relationship with him. Why do you think that is a bad thing?

I agree it's odd that after 3 years you haven't met any of his other family though. It sounds as though you feel you come very low down in his list of priorities and that he isn't really committed to your relationship. Perhaps you are right.

MozzchopsThirty Sun 07-May-17 18:39:20

I share my time with my dcs with him
I think if you've been together 3 years then you should be willing to include that person in family time

When you exclude them it's either because you don't think they're good enough or you want to keep them out

justdontevenfuckingstart Sun 07-May-17 18:40:56

You're tired of it and you don't like each other.

Why would you carry this on?

FrenchLavender Sun 07-May-17 18:42:13

But why is it so important to you that you get to know his children if the relationship is otherwise good? What difference will it make? So many step parenting relationships are a minefield, maybe he doesn't want to take the risk. I don't see the big deal with that. do you live together? Maybe he senses that your kids and his kids wouldn't get along and he doesn't want any stress.

FrenchLavender Sun 07-May-17 18:45:10

I'm tired of it
We're at a point where we really don't like each other

Right. So break up then. And thank your lucky stars that you haven't invested any time in his children.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Sun 07-May-17 19:47:33

Yes, if you're tired of it & don't like each other then of course it's time to call it a day. Sounds like a miserable relationship tbh.

isitjustme2017 Sun 07-May-17 19:48:01

Do you live together? I'm assuming not as it would be rather difficult to avoid spending time with his children.
The children thing aside, what are his reasons for you not meeting his family? Sorry but its all very strange and I would not put up with it.
Life's too short.

MozzchopsThirty Sun 07-May-17 19:53:28

He says we're not 18 so why do I need to meet his family
He initially said he wasn't close to his mother but he sees her almost weekly
I don't think he sees his sister much despite her living close by

Maybe it's him

HermioneJeanGranger Sun 07-May-17 20:53:20

What's the point? You sound miserable.

He doesn't prioritise you. He doesn't care about you enough to introduce you to his kids properly, or to tell his ex to get stuffed, or to even push the divorce through quickly.

You're with a man who's married to someone else, and has been for the entireity of your relationship.

Don't you think you and your kids deserve better than that?

Sn0tnose Sun 07-May-17 21:10:05

* He doesn't want you to meet his mum
* He doesn't want you to spend any time with his children
* He doesn't want his children to spend any time with your children
* He doesn't want to spend any more money on you than you've spent on him
* He doesn't particularly like you and you don't particularly like him

If you're after a fwb type of arrangement then this would be a perfectly acceptable situation. But if it's a relationship you want, I think you're flogging a dead horse with this man. He's in your life. You aren't in his.

MozzchopsThirty Sun 07-May-17 21:24:31

That's what my friends say, he has been very much part of our lives, joined us on family holidays or trips, family meals etc
Stays over 2-3 nights a week if it suits (I live closer to his work than he does)

It just feels like it's going nowhere, I have the same excuses now that I had 3 years ago

BubblingUp Sun 07-May-17 21:27:24

I don't get what the dilemma is. You don't like each other. He doesn't let you in his life. Nothing has changed in 3 years. Break up.

MozzchopsThirty Sun 07-May-17 21:29:16

But I loved him very much, I just feel like I've given everything and got nothing back

It was hard going into a relationship after my divorce, it took guts to let my guard down.
He was so lovely in the early days

tallwivglasses Sun 07-May-17 21:38:59

This is the real him. I presume he made promises in the early days too. Actions speak louder than words. Time to move on. It's really not as scary as you might think.

Sn0tnose Sun 07-May-17 21:44:59

If you still love him and you're happy with what he's giving you, then great, there's no problem, stay with him and be happy.

BUT, if you want more than he's giving you, then you are wasting valuable time that you could be spending with someone who does want you to build a relationship with his family and children.

Essentially, if he hasn't given you more in the three years you've been dating, he never will. Is this enough for you? If not, you know what you need to do.

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