I have to be quick as have a small window alone.
My partner abuses me I don't think he knows he's doing it but yesterday he tried to smash my phone up but it was a half hearted attempt as it did not break it was just a threat. He grabbed the quilt off me and was throwing cushions and pillows and punching the bed while I was lying in it. It's the furthest he's gone I've been with him nearly four years now.
I was scared I thought he was going to hit me and just stopped himself short of hitting me.
He was telling me he can get better then me and I'm useless I started crying and he was telling me to shut up because I'm a baby and the tears don't work anymore if I cry he always says this which makes me feel pathetic.
When he's being nice it's ok it's good but yesterday was scary I sat in my room all day and never came out then he started messaging me telling me how I had ruined his wkend and was I happy with myself etc
It all started because I went on FB when I was walking to the shop and he saw me on it.
I had this most of the day the verbal abuse and I had no where to go then he got me some dinner last night so I came down in the end and he tried to act normal.
I feel like what he says is true I am worthless and he can get better then me .
I went shopping this morning I wanted to cry I the supermarket I felt like I had been beaten up but no wounds were visible to see.
I felt like telling a stranger or anyone what was happening to me. It's not a one off it's happened before but yday he was leaning over me and screaming in my face and punching the bed right by my head I was scared he's a big bloke.
He's acting normal today he hasn't said sorry he used to say sorry those days are gone . I want to get out but I feel so trapped all my fight has gone and I still love him and everyone else thinks he is amazing
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Relationships
Emotional abuse still love partner but feel worthless
confused84 · 07/05/2017 14:43
You poor thing. 
He has worn you down so much and eroded your self esteem as a way of control, so that you don't leave. Your relationship is not normal in anyway. Of course you feel beaten up, he is seriously abusing you.
I think your perspective has become skewed. This is not love and he is not showing you respect.
If you think it will be difficult to split up with him or you're afraid of his reaction, then call Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 (open 24 hrs). They will advise you on how to leave and give you brilliant support.
You need to get out of this relationship.
It's not love confused84, it's like stockholm syndrome. I was in an abusive relationship a decade ago. It's so hard to leave. There is a difference between an attachment where your own sense of worth is all tied up in his approval which I bet he gives sporadically and I bet you have to work hard for it. That is not love.
Were you raised as a people pleaser? always looking for other people's approval?
If you only have a few minutes here I would ask you to do one thing and google The Problem With Being too Nice.
Ring women's Aid for help. Even if you can't find the words, or even if you feel (erroneously) that your call is dramatic and unnecessary, it's NOT. It's so hard to believe when you're in the middle of the picture, but WA exists to help people like YOU and you are not taking up valuable telephone time that could be better spent on somebody else. YOU ARE THE PERSON the service exists for. So if you get another moment, do ring them
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