Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Dating Thread 117 - summer loving!

(998 Posts)
InfoSec21 Mon 01-May-17 00:26:39

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.

InfoSec21 Mon 01-May-17 00:29:37

Maybe too optimistic with the title. Its actually Spring isn't it? 😂😂

Plentyoffishnets Mon 01-May-17 00:33:28

Spring irons for summer loving!!

Allthembuckets Mon 01-May-17 00:45:22

grin

Wingletang1 Mon 01-May-17 01:30:27

So just back from a mammoth first date with mrcars. We'd been talking on the phone all week, so was fairly confident we would get on. Had arranged a drink in local pub, after that decided to go into town and have food, then went to a couple of pubs, then back to his for a cuppa tea and snogging! I made it quite clear, things wouldn't go further. He's a really nice guy, not wow but nice. He wants to cook for me on Thursday and go out for a meal on Saturday.. All a bit of a whirlwind!! Been out for 6 hours, had to creep back in so my daughters didn't notice! blush he only lives 3 miles from me which is a really nice after having to drive for upto an hour normally for a date

DoIDontIhavethetalk Mon 01-May-17 07:30:08

Marking my place

LanaDReye Mon 01-May-17 09:41:08

Yay new thread. Thanks Info.
Getting annoyed with myself. Mr Bike didn't reply to my What'sApp last eve and then was on early hours. He may just have nodded off early, checked when he woke for a bit and now be running about busy. I'm kicking myself as I don't usually get jumpy. Someone virtual slap me!
(Yes I should turn read receipts off)

Mumfun Mon 01-May-17 09:59:31

Yay for good kissing. Lots of that last night with Mr Social Worker. Wasnt sure what it would be like as I hate beards normally. But turns out I dont hate his. Everything with him is so easy.And we have a lot in common in the way we approach life. Conversation flows easily. Missed last train so stayed over wink Hes a gent and slept on couch. He's a qualified masseur as well as social worker grin

Just really relaxed about it and not overinvesting I dont think. Feels good so far.

LanaDReye Mon 01-May-17 10:19:52

Mum that sounds great.
I liked your "f**k yes" video link too - it's true it either feels like a 'yes let's have this relationship' or it's a 'no'. The middle ground is time wasting.

Farontothemaddingcrowd Mon 01-May-17 10:47:05

Yay to good dates wingle and mum.
Has Mr Bike messaged lana? To be fair if I woke in the early hours and checked WhatsApp I wouldn't reply to a message. It could be that he's seen it and will get back to you if he hasn't already.
Had a nice evening with wildcard which was fun. He is good in bed.

Lovemusic33 Mon 01-May-17 11:24:07

Marking my place 🙂

justmeand2DC Mon 01-May-17 11:49:04

So just updating on a turbulent weekend with Mr Outdoors who I've been seeing for just over 2 months.
On Thursday I had high hopes for spending a good amount of time together this Bank Holiday weekend as my young teen DC2 was going to be with his Dad all weekend and late teen DC1 who is NC with his Dad was going to be out overnight Friday.
His late teen DC3 who stays every weekend was going home Sunday afternoon so he suggested we go out Sunday night and I stay over. I was also hoping I could persuade him to come back to mine late Friday.
However his mid 20's DC1 who lives with him full-time was apparently unhappy at the idea of my staying over so that was ruled out and he declined to come round to mine on Friday night as he would have had to leave at 8 the next morning to be home for his DC3.
I just got totally frustrated with the situation as we'd only seen each other twice for a few hours since our mini-break at the start of April. I know we should put our DC and their feelings first but should a mid-20s DC get to dictate whether their father has a relationship? Anyhow I felt so fed-up that I texted him on Friday night to say that maybe we should finish things because I didn't feel that it was working out and he replied that he agreed! However after some more late night texting we agreed that neither of us actually wanted to finish things and we would meet as planned for dinner on Sunday night. So we are back on again now although I still feel frustrated that we are in our 50's and each with our own home yet sneaking round like teenagers unable to spend the night together. Does anyone have any experience of this? Should we have to take the feelings of adult DC into account as much as for younger DC?

Lovemusic33 Mon 01-May-17 11:58:05

Just I agree, I wouldn't let my 20 year old child dictate who I can and can't have stay over, it would put me off a little that he didn't stand up for himself and let her get her own way, she's a adult ffs. You shouldn't have to sneak around.

justmeand2DC Mon 01-May-17 12:11:06

Yes Lovemusic . DC1 is mid 20's, working in an OK job living at home rent-free in London, not even paying towards food costs or council tax and she has her BF staying over on occasion. OK, his DC his choice but she does have other options if she is unhappy at my staying over. I have taken annual leave on a couple of occasions and we have spent the day together at his house but I feel fed up that we have had Easter so recently and now this Bank Holiday and we can't spend this time together. I get that he feels guilty as he was the one who left his ExW but it was 6 years ago!

OutToGetYou Mon 01-May-17 12:12:17

Justme If he was really into you, leaving at 8am would be no big deal. It isn't a big deal, is it?

Anyway, other than that - send all the kids to live in one house, while the two of you live in the other! But, no, a mid 20's shouldn't get to decide if their dad has a relationship but if they are uncomfortable with you staying over I think it's understandable.

justmeand2DC Mon 01-May-17 12:24:43

OutTo Yes that's what I thought, I would happily have gone to his if the situation had been reversed.
He seems to find the distance between our homes more of an obstacle than I do. He lives Zone 3 and I live Zone 2 but different parts of London. I think with light traffic it might be 45 minutes drive, not insurmountable to me. I used to commute daily to his area for work but he seems to think it's a huge distance.
He seems to have a negative mindset about our relationship but I think that if he dated someone without kids they would be even less understanding of his setup and if they did have kids they would be likely to have them living with them during the week as I do. Ideally he would like someone with DC who only has them at weekends so he could stay overnight during the week. But even so that isn't ideal if you have to get up for work early.

OutToGetYou Mon 01-May-17 12:30:15

While the kids thing is important, I think if you (as in, the one who is making these decisions) have kids then you just need to be really flexible about things.

I can't see how seeing someone who has their kids at weekends is better, as you say. But generally I don't think who you fancy and who you fall in love with can be quite that prescriptive!

I don't have kids, so that makes me more attractive to a lot of men. But it annoys me that men see that as such a positive, they should be looking at me not mostly at my situation.

45 mins is nothing, by the way!

Nipplesunited Mon 01-May-17 13:24:04

Place marking ☺

InfoSec21 Mon 01-May-17 13:54:28

I don't know the back story sorry. I'm guessing there isn't a recently sore situation as to why DC1 is feeling so bad about it? Maybe the parents just split up and she's feeling bad for her mother or something?

Either way, life goes on and stuff. They'll come round eventually so stick at it.

stubbornstains Mon 01-May-17 14:58:57

Yes, I agree that a mid 20s DC should not get to have a say in her dad's love life (unless he was bringing in drunken and disruptive randoms in the middle of the night, obvs!). It looks like he's deliberately setting up obstacles?

Pavonia Mon 01-May-17 15:06:29

Just it seems strange to me that an adult daughter is preventing you staying over. As for the distance issue, speaking as a zone 2 Londoner myself, a relationship with someone anywhere in zone 1 - 3 should be easily manageable. It sounds like he might be very set in his ways.

For what it's worth mine are 15 and 18 and I would be surprised if they objected to me having someone stay over, once I was in a relationship.

I'm feeling a little bit down as my second date on Friday went fine but I haven't heard from him since. I feel that I made much of the running after date 1 and therefore he needs to do it this time. I think he's not one for messaging between dates apart from to make arrangements, but still.

I had a message from a very interesting new guy on Happn this morning so I shall keep plugging away.

Farontothemaddingcrowd Mon 01-May-17 16:02:58

I think if it makes you feel down that he doesn't message much, I'd detach pavonia. He may come through with more messages and arrange the next date, but it doesn't sound as if he's what you need. I know I need a texter and so I'd someone isn't, it means we are not compatible.
just that would annoy me. I'd be inclined to go a bit quiet on him now. Sounds like the adult children are ruling the roost.

DoIDontIhavethetalk Mon 01-May-17 16:07:14

Justme

I have to agree if this was important to him then a) 8am would be no problem at all and b) He'd be telling his adult child to make alternative arrangements.

I'm also only 2 months into a 'thing' and I'd move heaven and earth to see the man I've met.

Date # (I've completely lost count) this afternoon with The Nurse - walk at a local beauty spot. I hate when our time together is over. I'm trying to keep my feelings in check but every time I'm with him it feels like coming home. I'm going to bite the bullet and tell him next weekend.

RiseandGrind Mon 01-May-17 16:17:01

Marking place.

Thanks to whoever put the "fuck yes" video up. Couldnt agree more.

I have a date on Thursdsy night with someone I'll call MrOldBill. Nervous.

justmeand2DC Mon 01-May-17 16:26:08

Info his relationship with the exW ended 6 years ago so hardly recently and the exW has been seeing or maybe even living with someone else for a couple of years and the DC aren't complaining about that. He had a relationship after leaving his exW which ended due to both sets of (teen/adult) children being unhappy and distance although she lived outside London which isn't really comparable to my living in Zone 2. So I do feel he's setting up obstacles in our relationship which aren't insurmountable.

Pavonia yes I think he is a bit set in his ways. He would ideally like be in a relationship with someone living close enough to pop round for a coffee so not just Zone 1-3 but in adjacent boroughs! We can meet up in a few nice areas which are only 20 minutes or so away on the Tube for each of us so as you say easily manageable.

However my 6th former DC1 is resistant to the idea of his staying over which I do have some sympathy with after only 2 months. I don't see a problem with his coming back here after a night out if DC1 is out until all hours himself but can understand if he doesn't want him round here all evening. But the situation doesn't arise because Mr Outdoors has his DC3 staying every weekend so would only want to stay here on a weeknight which doesn't really suit me when I have both DC needing to get up early for school. But I think it is a matter of sticking it out. If we can get through another few months his DC3 will be off to uni and not staying every weekend and hopefully both our DC1s will come around to our staying over at each other's houses.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now