Attention

[Sabbyandsprogs]

If you knew your boyfriend (of 6yrs in this case) was using porn to satisfy his needs rather than actually touching you - how would this make you feel??

Would you feel as unattractive and unwanted as I do?

we have absolutely no physical contact at all (if on the rare occasion we do have naughties, he doesn't even climax and pretty much makes no effort) but if I bring it up he puts the blame on me saying I clearly have issues....

I have tried relentlessly to try and instigate things - even dressing up just got a look of disgust, a naked me doesn't raise an eyebrow and if I just jump in and touch I get the cold shoulder.

I know he is not having an affair, and I know he does love me....IM JUST GOING INSANE AND WANT, NO NEED TO FEEL WANTED - is this so wrong?

[whatsmyname2017]

Have you tried speaking to him about it OP? Of course this would make you feel unattractive and unwanted. How long has this been going on?
This isn't a minor problem and you need to get to the bottom of it. Sorry to say but it sounds like he's just not attracted to you anymore. If he is using porn then he must still have a sex drive. Has this all been since the arrival of children or any other event in your lives?

[GruffaloPants]

I'd guess he can't get off on real sex any more if he's watching a ton of porn. It may be that reality won't cut it for him. I'd seriously question the point of a sex and affection free relationship with someone who belittles your normal needs.

You are not the one with the issue!

[Sabbyandsprogs]

Hi,

We've been together 6yrs living together 4. I have 2 children he has none so has taken on my two (13 + 8). It started about 3 years ago - just a gradual decline.

I have tried to speak about it numerous times and of late he tries to say he is asexual (but surely this can't be as he uses porn - I find the mucky evidence daily).
He told me that I need to initiate it more (I've tried and been rejected - which hurts) but he doesn't understand that if I'm getting nothing from him I'm not going to want to try anything if that makes sense?

xxx

[springydaffs]

Typical addict. They blame everything and everyone else, refuse to take responsibility for their addiction.

Hell on earth living with an addict in active addiction. But you know that.

Girl, you have to get out. He already has his lover, his wife, his life. It comes first, you a very very poor twentieth. Addicts are ruthless when it comes to their addiction

[JK1773]

You poor thing. This sounds just horrible. I don't really have any advice to try to solve this but physical intimacy is important to me. I'd struggle with this

[Sabbyandsprogs]

Its horrible, at first I didn't think much of it - but now years on I feel so unwanted its unreal. Sex isn't the be all of a relationship and to be honest I could live without it but its the other physical elements I long for...and some attention :( even a slap on the ass here and there would be nice but I get nothing from him at all.

He definitely lives in an unreal world - he works hard I know that but at home he switches off from reality.. in the evenings he sits online playing WOW, headphones on chatting to strangers. He uses porn for sexual gratification...

Im starting to see where I fit in now - I'm a maid, someone to cook, clean up after him and run the house.

Im 34 and feel so helpless :(

[Whyiseverynameinuse]

Sorry you are in this situation OP - it's horrible . Start taking back control of your life by reading the sticky posted at the top of relationships. Then look up emotional abuse. You dont have to live a half life and you can change it. I did. It was painful and difficult but now I am in charge and moving to happier time for me and my dc. Good luck x

[Huskylover1]

That's good he's your boyfriend rather thank husband. I'd ask him to leave if I was you. You're only 34, you still have years and years of being sexually active. It's just not going to be with him. You've tried everything and nothings working. Not only that, he's not really engaging in family life, if he's constantly on-line. I think he's enjoying having someone to cook and clean for him etc.