27, feel like I'm trapped.

[Charlottelouiseox]

Hi.
I don't even know where to begin, I apologise for this being long.

Me and OH have been together nearly 10 years, 3 children, due to get married in few months. I am seriously re thinking the marriage.. the whole relationship.

I suffered with with post natal depression after our third child was born, premature birth, quite traumatic, never left me and still lingering. Having cbt & medication. I do believe my mental health has put a strain on our relationship, as I'm more dependant on him, I feel old before my time! We have not had sex for atleast 6 months, two of our children have serve learning difficulties and health issues.. our two year old CAN not be left unattended, 2-3 hours sleep in 24 hours he climbs out of windows, floods the bathrooms etc.. someone always has to be awake, ( yes we have stair gates, window alarms, window locks, safety aspects all covered) so I do understand at this present time our relationship is under strain with lack of sleep, we both work, I feel so lonely when the children are asleep, we both do different things, like now I'm sat cleaning our room, he's watching football.. we get 2-3 time where we could be spending it with each other as son is asleep, however when he's awake we'll moan how we haven't had any time. I just don't think I love him anymore, I'm afraid to break our family up, even more so how will I cope?.. seriously I'm sleep deprived at it is.. I can't give up my job as it's the only "break" I get. I just feel like I couldn't cope running a house, 3 kids, and no sleep. I have supported him through so many issues in our early stages of our relationship, ex gambling, lies, deceit, I just feel like I can't marry this guy. I'm so unhappy. Anyone else in a similar situation who can give me some kind words ?

[crazyhead]

You poor thing, it sounds incredibly tough. I don't think that there's any easy answer that a person from the outside could give for what's going on for you, what the right answer for your relationship is, and generally what you should do in such a complex situation with both the strains of your kids' health and learning difficulties and your current depression.

It's not the same at all, but I couple of years ago I went through a situation when my Mum and DH's Dad died at the same time and my Dad got cancer, I got ill (bad anaemia) and had a major workplace restructure all at once. My second child was a baby at the time - he didn't have the sort of health issues you sadly have but I was sleep deprived which is awful in itself. So just broadly, I've had some experience of what it feel likes when everything has gone wrong.

When I look back, there is a grey fog over that time, and I don't think I could have made a major life decision like leaving a job or relationship at that point.

What I could gradually do were smaller things for myself - for instance I got into doing some exercise and took iron for my anaemia - and over time that has built up my resources to think about bigger things (not my relationship, but a change in career).

Is there any space in your situation to do small, manageable things for yourself (a hobby, a bit of exercise - whatever) that reconnect you to the real 'you'? I just wonder whether you need to build yourself up a little before any else - you sound drained and no wonder.

[Aquamarine1029]

I hate to say it, but after all this time you should marry him to protect your legal interests. If you leave him now, you will have none of the protections and financial advantages a wife has. Think long and hard about what you're going to do.