Last autumn DP moved out. We'd been emotionally distant for some time. All seemed to be working ok, co-parenting our two DC, being amicable, and then in Feb he told me he was seeing someone else. I've really struggled since then, don't know why really, other than that I can't bear to think about him with her. I've been quite down, but still throwing myself into work, playing with the children, running, operating ok. But today I hit a brick wall, and it's not hormones like normal. I was out shopping and I felt close to a panic attack, cried on the way home. Because of the DC I would never do it but I know I'm not far off feeling like life's not worth living. I wish I could stop my mind thinking about him with this other person - just typing that makes my heart beat really fast. I feel my emotions are out of control. Should I see a doctor? I'm worried they'll suggest antidepressants, which I took in my late teens and gave me awful anxiety coming off them. Sorry, just so low and don't know how to talk to anyone in real life because I know they won't know what to say.
I think you're suffering with anxiety. It's understandable really. You've had to deal with a lot already and the other woman makes it very final. It will pass. It just takes time. You could ask your gp if you can be referred to a talking therapy which really helps. I take a very low dose of amitriptyline for anxiety which doesn't effect you like AD's. I had terrible anxiety before. You're doing really well already, just stay strong and talk to your doctor. Remember there's light at the end of the tunnel.
I think you're being really tough on yourself - it's only been a short time to try and adapt to such massive changes in your life, and any anxiety from that is more than understandable. Go and see your GP, and try to make time for yourself just to recharge your batteries. You're only human, be kind to yourself . It will get better.
You're doing so well with such a lot to deal with, work and children on your own. I've found recovery very slow, and it seems to go in waves, not a straight even upward path to feeling better each day. It's still early days for you, but I do hope you start to feel better soon. Things will start to seem better, you just need time.
You don't need antidepressants or any other magic pill. You just need time and a willingness to allow yourself to be sad, furious, despondent, or however you're feeling at any given moment. You've been through a HUGE change in your life and you're still finding your feet. I promise you will get beyond this and your future is yours for the taking. Maybe, even though it's painful, you need to allow yourself to wish only good things for your ex. After all, he is the father of your children, and his happiness effects them, as yours does. Love yourself and love your kids.
Thank you Aquamarine. At the moment I can't help wishing he was as miserable as I am but deep down I do care about him (we were friends before we got together) and I will always be there for him. I just wish he hadn't moved on so fast, when I'm still grieving x
I know how you feel and it is really tough when they move on so fast. Probably talking about it helps and letting out the sadness by allowing yourself to feel the feelings and cry so you can pass through the feelings to the next happy bit of your life.
Men always move on really fast. Often doesn't last though.
I split with my first DH in August, by December he was head over heels with someone new, by July that had totally crashed and burned.
I didn't date anyone until the June... And we're married now.
Are you upset because, secretly, you'd expected to get back together OR because, again secretly, you felt you always had him as back-up plan? And now he's met someone, you are left with no back-up plan or safety net..? I think that's normal.
IT GETS BETTER. Everything gets better. You just plod on and then one day, all the lights come back on.
As Churchill said, "When you're going through Hell - keep going."
Just to say, I sometimes found shopping upsetting, town full of happy couples, seeing things I knew ExP would like or enjoy and having to remind myself not to buy them. It was ages before it dawned on me that I didn't have to buy the kind of milk he liked, but could have my own favourite all the time! Silly I know.
WhatsGoingon that's the question I keep asking myself too - in the few months we were apart before ow appeared on the scene, I was quite content and didn't regret us splitting up. So I think it's partly that this makes it permanent and partly I'm jealous. If he can be happy with her why couldn't we make it work? But I suspect he is best at the honeymoon period, not so good when the gloss wears off. Thank you all - you're superstars x
That's harder to answer than it should be Dadaist. We were both unhappy. I wanted to shake things up, I was probably unhappy longer than he was, and I definitely felt we were heading for a split, but when it came to it I wanted to give it one last go - counselling, trying to be nice to each other. We were both very tired with a non-sleeping DD so it seemed a bad time to make such a final decision. Having said that, there was a lot that wasn't right between us. I think/hope there is someone out there I'm better suited to, but of course they won't be the father of my children. Why do you ask?
I ask because it sounds as though some difficult circumstances led to a vicious cycle in your relationship and you took big decisions in the fog of those circumstances. When you then start to see each other after the fog clears, you find a slightly different perspective. You know this is a rebound relationship for him don't you OP?