Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I've made him feel guilty, help me undo this

(9 Posts)
hazeydays14 Sat 29-Apr-17 19:26:38

It's a bit of a long story so please bear with me.
I'm currently living in a city about an hour and a half away from my family and most of my friends. I live with my DP and I am very happy with our relationship.
Last week I had one of those weeks where work was shitty, I was feeling generally low and I felt really lonely having no close friends near me apart from my DP. On the Saturday the weather was lush, I text around the few friends I have here and no one was available. DP was out playing football and then watching football in the pub after. I decided to go for a wander in the good weather on my own. I ended up having a few drinks at this really nice cider place sat out in the sun.
I made my way home and DP came home. In my slightly drunken state I told him how I had been feeling recently regarding feeling lonely and that I didn't really have anyone here apart from him. He was very supportive, saying we could move to be nearer to my family and friends if that's what I needed. I felt a lot better.

But now he feels guilty to go out without me and that definitely wasn't my intention! He turned down playing football in the week because he didn't want to leave me on my own and he had a night out with the boys planned next weekend but now he's saying he will go for a few and then come home. I've told him I want him to go and enjoy himself because he doesn't really go out with them often anymore as we are saving for a deposit.

How do I make him realise I was having a bad week which amplified my feelings of loneliness? The last thing I wanted him to do was to start changing his plans with his friends etc.

Sorry if this is super long and seems petty. I used to be in a relationship with someone who was very emotionally manipulative and often used this to stop me going out etc. so I really don't want to do that to my DP!

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 Sat 29-Apr-17 19:59:24

Tell him you honestly mean it that you want him too go out. It's good he's taken on your feelings but sounds like he's taken extreme measures because you didn't mean for him not go out at all. Bless him

museumum Sat 29-Apr-17 20:10:23

Does your do do stuff in mixed groups - situations that could let you meet new people?
Otherwise, join a group or club so you're not waiting home for him. That's going to make him feel odd whatever you say.

hazeydays14 Sat 29-Apr-17 20:26:26

KungFu I have told him I genuinely didn't mean he doesn't spend enough time with me. I think he was a little taken aback because I'm not a crier, he's only seen me cry once when I lost someone. I know he means well and he's just worried about me. He is a sweetheart.

museumum I've reached out to some old work friends I haven't been in contact as much with after moving jobs. I've met a lot of his friends but I wouldn't meet with them without him if that makes sense. It just sort of came spilling out, I never meant for it to make him feel like that.

HermioneJeanGranger Sat 29-Apr-17 20:35:01

Could he introduce you to some of his friends girlfriends? You could all meet up and go out for a few drinks.

He might feel better if he can make a practical difference iyswim.

hazeydays14 Sat 29-Apr-17 20:51:13

There's only one other girlfriend but she is lovely.. they're due round tonight to watch the boxing so I will definitely make the effort with her. Yeah I agree he probably feels a bit helpless sort of.

HeddaGarbled Sat 29-Apr-17 22:04:26

I think that you were right to be honest (albeit alcohol assisted) and he was right to take your feelings seriously and take steps to make sure that you are OK.

These things do need addressing early in the relationship. I've read several posts on here where husbands carry on their single lives with their mates and sports and hobbies and pub etc while the women stay home and look after the children.

You have moved away from your friends and family and you don't have much money to spend on socialising so actually, I think he should spend more time with you and less with his friends, until you have built up your social circle. Clearly, you don't intend to try and stop him seeing his friends completely.

I think you'll find the right balance. You both sound like sensible people who care about each other's happiness.

Aquamarine1029 Sat 29-Apr-17 23:01:55

Your partner sounds like a wonderful man to be so concerned with how you feel. What a love. At this point, all you can do is to keep communicating and thank him for being so attentive, but at the same time, you don't want him to neglect himself and his interests.

hazeydays14 Sun 30-Apr-17 09:31:26

Thanks all. He is such a good egg which is why I don't want to push him away. I'll have a proper sit down with him I think /-no alcohol--. Hopefully it is just because it's so recent that he's so concerned and he will see I'm okay and relax a little.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now