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Separation anxiety after cheating DH. Having a breakdown

(30 Posts)
PinkTeletubby101 Sat 29-Apr-17 16:53:25

Please help. I've posted a few times in the past but it's all come to a head yesterday. He's fucking vile. Our 9 year anniversary tomorrow. What did he do yesterday ? Dropped OW home from work (fuck knows what happened) who he SWORE ON OUR SONS LIVES LAST WEEK he wasn't speak to her anymore and hasn't done since Christmas. Once again my gut was right. He's been staying over at work to speak to her. I fuckin hate him for what he's doing
To me and leaving our 2 boys. I hate her. And him. I told him to pack his stuff yesterday and said he's having minimal contact with our DS's (mean but I'm currently heartbroken). He said was their anything he could do to make things better - I said hand in your notice Tuesday. He probably won't. He earns 30k and I earn 8. We are both 25 years old and I'm sick of the cheating lying scum bag. Yet why do I pine for him so bad, wishing we could make it right and I'm absolutely suffering/miserable on my own. When it's just me and DC's I don't know what to do. I actually don't know what to do with myself, I have no hobbies and sit here all day crying about being on own and his lack of emotion. It's
Clear he doesn't love me any more - that's life - so why do I feel like killing myself and how do I stop hating being on my own? Since 15 years old we have never had more than 2 nights apart (apart from the odd few holidays with friends for max a week). I fucking hate him so much for this but he's now in angry mode , treating me like shit WHEN HES FUCKING DONE THIS!!!!!!!!

PinkTeletubby101 Sat 29-Apr-17 16:54:01

We was on holiday together last week in the Easter holidays, supposed to be going abroad in 6 weeks. JUST FUCKING WHY

Doubtfuldaphne Sat 29-Apr-17 17:05:47

Phone the Samaritans OP. Or do you have any family / friends close by you can talk to? I understand the massive rage and the loneliness and just wanting everything to go back to how it was.
I promise one day you'll look back on this and it won't be so painful.

PinkTeletubby101 Sat 29-Apr-17 17:19:18

It's awful.
I hate my life so much and I shouldn't because of my sons. We were just alone in the car together - I said "how we ever gna sort this out" and he shouted IM GNA LEAVE MY FUCKING JOB ARENT I and I said ok well I'll show you the messages I sent her earlier so you can get your story straight for Tuesday. He got out the car and he's stormed off n turned his phone off. Hate this

Chillyegg Sat 29-Apr-17 17:26:23

Oh op..hugs flowers

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Sat 29-Apr-17 18:06:13

There's nothing to sort my lovely, it doesn't matter if he leaves his job. He has zero respect for you, if he didhe would have done everything in his power to make this right in the first place, instead he's staying behind at work to see her & dropping her off at home-wtf? hmm
You don't need him, please get out of that minset. You can & will be fine without him, your world does not revolve around him.
Tell him to fuck off, you'll be so much better without him.

PinkTeletubby101 Sun 22-Oct-17 21:59:19

Hi everyone. I’m back, feeling miserable. I stayed with him. Still can’t get over this shit. He tries to make it work, yet I feel sad every other day thinking about what he’s done. Why can’t I move on from it?!!!! He says I can’t keep bringing it up as I’ve chosen to forgive him. He’s still at the same work place. Am I being taken for a twat? How do I be happy? We argue most days. This year has been the worst year ever. I was pregnant with our 3rd unplanned child. We both agreed we didn’t want another child so I had an abortion in April. Literally a week later he was with her (that’s when I written this post). Yeah I am wallowing. Someone give me the strength. We went out together last night and a lovely night. But you know what I can’t move on from all this - he says if I can’t move on we need to split up but he WILL NOT move out the house. He says if we are splitting I should move back to my moms and he will have the kids at our home. We both now work full at time. I think I need serious counseling. My head is all over the place when it comes to this relationship.

PinkTeletubby101 Sun 22-Oct-17 22:00:24

Lol reading this back I’m fucking crazy. Only I can give my self strength to do something about it.

PinkTeletubby101 Sun 22-Oct-17 22:02:36

I just need to make a plan. Stick to it. And not get worn down by his shit. Where do I even start.

Juststopit Sun 22-Oct-17 22:03:03

Youre right that you need counselling but why should you leave the family home. Is your Home rented or do you have a mortgage. You urgently need advice, have you tried the CAB?
I m so sorry you’re having such a rough time, it sounds like you’ve been through so much.

Cricrichan Sun 22-Oct-17 22:04:00

He doesn't get to decide who stays in the house. Speak to a solicitor and find out where to go from here.

It's scary because he's all you've known but you're still so young. Great that you're working full time, you have kids and now is time to continue building your future without him.

Angryangryyoungwoman Sun 22-Oct-17 22:04:03

If he was really sorry, he would be doing what you needed to make it right. One of those things is that you need to talk about it and he is saying that you can't bring it up. Yes you can, if you need to. If he doesn't accept that, he doesn't care about you and what you need. Is that clear enough?

jeaux90 Sun 22-Oct-17 22:04:58

Honestly you can fix this situation by splitting with him. Life as a single parent is way better than being in a crap relationship, believe me. Your mental health will be way better without him in your head the whole time

PinkTeletubby101 Sun 22-Oct-17 22:11:41

When I posted this I was working part time. I’m now full time. We have a mortgage together in both our names. He has been to a few interviews since all this but hasn’t found anything suitable. Our mortgage is 700 a month so I might just be able to afford it on my own if he paid maintenance. He says shit like “I give you 1k a month to pay bills etc why should I be the one to walk away from our home and kids”. I am genuinely scared to be on my own.

PinkTeletubby101 Sun 22-Oct-17 22:14:34

I don’t have many friends I’m ashamed of what’s happened. My family know what he’s done but not the full extent. On the surface to everyone I seem like I’ve got it all together, house, full time, holidays, nice cars, beautiful kids, graduate job, yet behind closed doors it’s a mess.

letsdolunch321 Sun 22-Oct-17 22:17:28

Sounds all about him the fucking idiot.

Sweetheart, go and see a solicitor in your area that will do a half hour consultation for approx £60.00.

Write down all the facts before attending, they will tell you right from wrong re staying in the house and advise on other matters too.

Why your DH feels he will stay in the house is beyond me. You need to think of your DS and what they are seeing/hearing with the both of you arguing.

I have been in your place following 21yrs of marriage & 27yrs of being together. Now been apart 7yrs, divorced 2yrs. Trust me I have never been happier than I am now - own house, new partner, kids who stuck by me and not there dad as he was the one who had made our life hell and a beautiful granddaughter. If someone had said to me 7yrs ago it will all turn out well - I would have said "I don't think so"

Good luck in your situation.

Cricrichan Sun 22-Oct-17 22:18:11

None of this is your doing and you'll be surprised at how many relationships are like yours. I too have a charmed life from the outside. Very far from the truth though. Don't worry about what other people think. Be open and honest and do what is best for you.

DelphiniumBlue Sun 22-Oct-17 22:18:35

It's not very long since all this happened, 6 m0nths is nothing. If you decide to stay with him it will take much longer to get over it.
But its not for him to say whether you can keep bringing it up or not. It doesn't sound as if he's trying very hard at all. What has he done to make it up to you? He's still at the same work place ( is OW there still?) and he's talking to you disrespectfully. Obviously he wants you to shut up and not make a fuss.
You're very young still, you can build a new and better life without him telling you what to do and feel.
And why should he get to stay in the house with the children?
Go and see a lawyer.

PinkTeletubby101 Sun 22-Oct-17 22:18:36

Thing that hurts the most, if I didn’t catch him out he would probably would of been in a relationship with her now.

PinkTeletubby101 Sun 22-Oct-17 22:23:13

She still works there - he says he doesn’t speak to her at all. Swears on everyone’s lives which is pointless. I don’t think he doesn’t speak to her as she now does night shifts (shamefully I stalker her profile) and he does morning / day shifts. He did this to me before when we were 21, 1 month after buying our first house. Ran off with someone at work behind my back, our son was 1, I found out and he came crawling back. Literally lasted about 3 weeks. I let him back as I thought he was young, made a mistake etc and I believed it. 4 years later he’s done it again

GinAndSonic Sun 22-Oct-17 22:23:29

I left my husband at 25. I took the kids and went to my mums. It was hard but I'm 30 now, we have a 3 bedroom flat, I have rebuilt my friendships and life is good. See a solicitor about the house. He will have a hard time getting the kids if you have been main care giver. There is lots of good to find in the world, if you can take the brave step out into it.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 22-Oct-17 22:23:53

He doesn't get to decide who lives in the house with the children. See a solicitor.

He won't move out voluntarily. If you go through a divorce then you could be living separately in just a few months from now. If you don't seek a divorce then you could be living with him for years before he leaves for OW.

The sooner you start the sooner you are finished.

PinkTeletubby101 Sun 22-Oct-17 22:24:04

Sorry the first time was not someone from his work- someone he met on a works night out

PinkTeletubby101 Sun 22-Oct-17 22:24:56

WE Are not marrried.

Dowser Sun 22-Oct-17 22:39:34

So he has form for this.
He has an affair and pink teletubby will take him back.
Well that's how he sees the scenario

Show him that the script has changed and you're rolling over no more.
See a solicitor. Most don't even charge for initial consultation.

You're only in a mess because you're in limbo. I've been there too.
When you've made a decision to kick his lying cheating ass to the kerb you will feel so much better.
I was there after a 30 year marriage. 9 years ago I never dreamy I could be so happy.
But I am with dh number two.

Time to fight like a boss op

Grow a backbone of steel and make plans to get him ousted.
Tell yourself you deserve better because quite frankly...he's the pits.

No more sloppy seconds for you.
Remember we teach people how to treat us.
In ten years do you still want to be in this situation.
Course you don't.
You're new life begins today.

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