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Angry husband, what he hiding?

(213 Posts)
Carrotpuree Sat 29-Apr-17 07:55:17

My DH has been extra special lovely this last few days so was really looking forward to last night, glass of wine after DC went to bed. He said he needed to get some cash out for haircut first thing tomorrow but when I said I already had some in he could take he started making up reasons to still need to go tonight - none sensible. Then I said could he just stay in for one evening without going to the shop or the ATM and he absolutely exploded. He goes out during DCs bath time to run a errand 2/3 nights a week and then often goes out to run a 2nd after their bedtime while I'm cooking. I'm starting to get paranoid and judging by his reaction I think I may be right. DS woke up and so we both had a moment to step back so when DH returned I said sod it walk to the shop & get the cash, not sure how much I have a anyway (lie) and he went into stroppy toy taken off toddler mode. Won't go at all now etc etc WTF? I know him, angry attack is his defensive response. Any suggestions on how to recover the long weekend (he decided to sleep on the sofa) and get to the bottom of this?

mumonashoestring Sat 29-Apr-17 07:59:12

If it's a walk to the shops then I'm guessing it doesn't take too long. Smoking?

Hellobye Sat 29-Apr-17 07:59:20

It does sound weird. How long is he gone for?

WateryTart Sat 29-Apr-17 08:00:22

He's up to something, OP. Sorry, I suspect he wants to phone someone without you overhearing.

oleoleoleole Sat 29-Apr-17 08:00:55

Ask him outright if he's hiding something. Also ask why he feels the need to disappear at bath time etc. But before that try and check his phone. Ask him to let you see it. You'll know by his response if there's something he's trying to hide.

Hellobye Sat 29-Apr-17 08:01:37

What's his reason for doing two errands in the evening?

TheNaze73 Sat 29-Apr-17 08:02:36

I think he just needs to be alone with his thoughts for a few minutes. He's weak for not telling you this because of the reaction he'll think he'll get

Carrotpuree Sat 29-Apr-17 08:04:49

10-20'mins each time, depending on where he goes. He always come back with whatever he went for. No smell of smoking. It's not long enough for an illicit meeting even. I've tried making sure we have everything h could possibly want in but he still finds reason to go, example: fancied a different chocolate bar to his favourite I bought

befuddledgardener Sat 29-Apr-17 08:05:54

How long is he gone for? Minutes hours?

Alcoholic? Dealing drugs? Selling stuff? Struggling so needs his own space?

It's really odd to explode about something so trivial

befuddledgardener Sat 29-Apr-17 08:06:33

Is he getting out of family responsibilities?

RJnomore1 Sat 29-Apr-17 08:06:39

Maybe he just likes the fresh air and headspace. Ask?

befuddledgardener Sat 29-Apr-17 08:07:27

I think you could take yourself off for something and see if he reacts.

ivykaty44 Sat 29-Apr-17 08:08:19

Does he take his phone with him?
Does he keep his phone close at all times?

Launderetta Sat 29-Apr-17 08:10:04

Try to call him when he's out - have a reason ready to reduce the anger. If it's engaged, it's not good. (Unless his phone can handle 2 incoming calls in which case forget this)
I'm sorry but I don't have a good feeling about this, i hope I'm wrong. Good luck.

ScarletForYa Sat 29-Apr-17 08:10:12

Texting or phoning another woman?

Hellobye Sat 29-Apr-17 08:11:03

The only two people I know who are always finding reasons to escape for short periods of time are smokers, one of them a weed smoker who does a quick deal.

metalmum15 Sat 29-Apr-17 08:11:49

Could he be secretly phoning someone? Next time, before he goes hide his phone and then when he can't find it, see if he still bothers to go or not. It does sound very odd.

metalmum15 Sat 29-Apr-17 08:11:52

Could he be secretly phoning someone? Next time, before he goes hide his phone and then when he can't find it, see if he still bothers to go or not. It does sound very odd.

haveacupoftea Sat 29-Apr-17 08:14:36

It does sound like he's up to something although tbf if DH commented on me going to the shop for ten minutes I think I'd be raging as well.

Agree a good starting point is trying to ring him when he's out tonight, ask him to bring you something.

tabbykitt Sat 29-Apr-17 08:20:15

Hide his phone in advance, then see if he gets cross looking for it before he goes on his little trip out.

notusualmnname Sat 29-Apr-17 08:24:08

Sounds similar to my alcoholic ex but that would be more frequent.

Sounds similar also to my own bulimic behaviour but that would be for longer.

Maybe he genuinely does just need and appreciate his evening walks? If it was for illicit calls/texts then (I guess) other things would be going on too that would require more time than just a walk to the shop.

mathanxiety Sat 29-Apr-17 08:24:21

It's not long enough for an illicit meeting even

Yes it is.

See if you can lay your hands on his phone.

Do you know any passwords or usernames he might use on a family laptop or computer or his phone? Look for hookup sites.

How much cash does he withdraw usually, or does he take cash out at point of purchase frequently?

blueskyinmarch Sat 29-Apr-17 08:26:28

Does he have an office job and/or a long commute to work? I know my DH has ants in his pants when he gets in from work and likes to get out for 20/30 minutes if he can. He goes for a run or takes the dog out. In the winter he often just goes for a bath. Your DH possibly just needs time to unwind on his own after a long day?

ImperialBlether Sat 29-Apr-17 08:26:50

My bet would be that he's calling someone.

GhostlyAbode Sat 29-Apr-17 08:27:13

From my own experience it's means something. What he is hiding - smoking, calling another woman, need to be alone only he can answer.

For me and the majority of others in this situation it meant calls / face time meetings with the OW.

Catch him out - often the only way to force the issue.

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