This doesn't feel like Stately Homes level of family dysfunction, but it is really, really getting to me and is love to hear from anyone else dealing with the same.
So: my family have always been a bit shit about communication. Big things don't get talked about, awkward conversations get avoided. (eg: as a teenager I found out about my great-grandmother's death only when my mum mentioned clearing out her house to someone else when I was standing next to them.)
This has always been irritating. Recently, though, it has got a whole lot worse and it is driving me mad. We have had a run of bad luck as a family (health, unemployment) and now it feels like a) nobody communicates ANYTHING and b) I'm expected to be psychic and know anyway.
Examples:
- My parents never call me. Never, ever. So I initiate all communication. Regularly get passive-aggressively sniped at by siblings for not doing this often enough or at the right times: "Mum was having a bad day, I'm sure she'd have liked to hear from you. You could put a BIT of effort in you know."
- Someone having operation. Needs some help and support at home when recovering. Asks for this by obliquely mentioning "oh I have a clinic appointment..." when discussing something else, hoping others will join dots from clinic -> op -> needs help and co-ordinate support. Cue last-minute scramble when someone works it out.
- Family event at uncle's new house. Mum/aunt stressed about how me/DH/DC will get there (we live furthest away).
- Me: What's the address?
- Them: Oh no, you can't get there on your own.
- Me: Just tell me the address, I'm sure we can manage it.
- Them: No no, don't worry about it. We'll get you there somehow.
- Me: OK, what's Uncle's phone number?
- Them: No no, don't bother him...
AAAARGH.
Anyone else deal with this? How do you cope?