I've been married for nearly 3 years, I have a 2yo and am due a second in a couple of weeks.
We've had marriage issues pretty much from the outset. I got pregnant on honeymoon and a few weeks in I found he had been using porn. Porn itself isn't a massive issue but it was the lack of communication and lying about it that upset me. He promised me it wouldn't happen again and instead he would show me affection. Things got a bit better but he still wouldn't sleep with me when I got bigger.
After my son was born he was ok, things got bad and we had counselling which worked for a while - the issues were mostly around the fact that he has a senior job earning lots of money and i am now a SAHM and he resents me being at home, calls me lazy, says I'm ungrateful for all the money we have (he earns a good wage).
I got pregnant again and he's been awful since. I was nauseous for the first 3 months, and absolutely exhausted since. We do use childcare 3 days a week during which time I do cleaning etc, but he still calls me lazy, calls the childcare a luxury, complains about the odd job I ask him to do (e.g. Empty bins, gardening) and makes an almighty fuss if I ask him to do the things I can't do now I'm pregnant, putting heavy stuff in the loft etc. He says awful, awful things and I've been seeing a domestic violence adviser (it's all verbal abuse, he's never hit me but did once punch a door) and the plan is to leave but right now with the baby on the way it's not possible immediately.
Anyway, yesterday I discovered he'd been using (and paying for - despite saying we have no money) subscription porn sites. I asked him about it and he blamed me - he feels unloved, abused, he didn't sign up to being celibate etc. Again it's not necessarily the porn that's the issue but the lying (he initially told loads of lies and denied it all before admitting it) and the things he said - for example he wouldn't come near me while I "look like that anyway." He also then changed the passwords on everything so I couldn't see anything else - he's never been secretive with passwords in the past. He was also "working" late last night and he's never ever worked that late, claims he's doing the same tonight.
His snoring is horrific and we sleep in separate rooms because I'm so exhausted from being pregnant that I can't cope with the snoring on top of this. He never makes the effort to be affectionate, or even kind. He never says nice things, he talks to me like crap, and all he wants to do is go out drinking (which he actually rarely does but harps on about wanting to) or sleep. He isn't very hands on with the toddler because he's always so tired apparently.
Is this my fault? I get that we've been sleeping in separate rooms for a few months (maybe 6) but I feel it's really unfair of him to blame all these lies on me. And the verbal abuse he's been giving me isn't my fault. Yes i shout back and give as good as I get but telling me that raising a toddler and looking after the house equals "doing nothing" hurts me. He also frequently tells me my family and friends aren't welcome in the house, and generally makes me feel bad about myself. Plus, I'm pregnant - this "celibacy" he speaks of clearly isn't a long term thing, and it's just like he's used this as an excuse.
Eurgh what a mess. I know deep down that rhisnisnt my fault but when someone says something over and over it's hard to separate fact from fiction.
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This isn't my fault is it?
21 replies
Getmeouttaherenow · 28/04/2017 11:48
OP posts:
ClemDanfango ·
28/04/2017 12:04
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OfficerVanHalen ·
28/04/2017 12:07
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