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Best friend with terminal illness

(5 Posts)
cheesecadet Fri 28-Apr-17 08:05:39

I've not had a best friend like her for years. She was ill when I met her. She means the absolute world to me and I was wondering how people cope when they lose someone so close.

We are completely at ease with each other and rely on each other for support, we talk about everything. When she's gone I don't know what I'll do.

Any experiences/support would be good.

Thanks.

pudding21 Fri 28-Apr-17 11:14:00

Hi cheesecadet.

I lost my best friend to breast cancer, she was 35. That was 7 years ago and not a day goes by I don't miss her. I still have a cry every now and again. She was the most amazingly resilient friend, 2 days before she died she got off a flight from Dubai after visiting her brother as she knew she didn't have long left. She fought until the very end and never gave up hope. I have 2 other amazing best friends from school and uni, but they lived away and she was my day to day friend. The hole she left was huge. I kept myself busy and surrounded myself with my other good close friends and family as much as possible. Its hard though as people don't seem to accept the grief from losing a friend is the same as losing a sibling, parent or partner.

What is her diagnosis, is she having treatment?

Make the most of these moments, treat every day as if you won't see her again. Make the most effort you can, but allow her time and space when she needs it. Just be there for her. I was quite involved in funeral arrangements with her husband and wrote a poem for her to read at the funeral. i talked to her about what she wanted. I stayed in close contact with her husband and son, less so recently as he remarried and had another baby. You will feel a huge sense of loss, and you will feel grief like no other. I have had a lot of deaths in my family, not one hit me as hard as her loss. She still has a facebook page, so I like to look at photos and I still have all her messages kept.

Sorry I can't reassure you what it will be like but we all grieve in our own ways. Big hugs xxxx

cheesecadet Fri 28-Apr-17 11:28:50

Hi pudding, thank you for your reply and kind words and so sorry for the loss of your best friend. That must be so hard.

Yes she's my day to day friend and I don't have any other friends like her but a good family behind me.

And yes I do treat every day as though it's her last. Yes she is treated but it's just keeping her going, she will get worse and worse.

There's no-one I know like her, she always knows what to say in certain situations and she is so mentally strong, she copes brilliantly and I admire her so much.

How long did you know your friend for? x

pudding21 Fri 28-Apr-17 13:10:42

I had known her since I was 14. She was wonderful, slightly bonkers (nights out were always a lot of fun) and always supportive. She actually was my sisters friend intitially, but my sister moved away and we became closer. I was with her when she died, I held one hand, her husband the other. Was really hard. I think what you need to try and remember is that it is better to have had her, and lose her in your life, than never at all. She will leave a lasting impression on you for the rest of your life, inspire you and you will never forget your bond.

I don't know how else to say what things will be like. Losing a friend is really hard. I hope you manage to spend much more time together before she does pass away. I am sure she finds you equally as supportive and amazing. (( ))

cheesecadet Fri 28-Apr-17 14:07:36

Oh bless you, sounds like she was amazing and she was lucky to have a friend like you.

Yes my friend loves me as much as I love her! And thanks, I'm so glad I've had her in my life and will concentrate on that.

Thanks again smile x

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