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Boyfriend got another woman pregnant

(278 Posts)
GemmaRalph Fri 28-Apr-17 00:44:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GemmaRalph Fri 28-Apr-17 00:46:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClemDanfango Fri 28-Apr-17 00:46:54

Whilst technically he didn't cheat he did lie in order to get you back which would be a deal breaker on its own, the fact he could so coldly cut off his child in this manner is truly awful, I couldn't be with someone who could be so cruel to his own baby.

GemmaRalph Fri 28-Apr-17 00:48:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheVanguardSix Fri 28-Apr-17 00:52:29

He doesn't want to be responsible for his actions. He sounds like a jackass with all the trimmings. I feel sorry for the little baby. Not even born and already unloved by its father. You really want to be with this guy? What's so great about him?

gluteustothemaximus Fri 28-Apr-17 00:53:20

Oh no. What a horrible shock flowers

But. Could be a lucky escape.

He lied to you. He has made a child, but doesn't want it, so has asked the girl in question to clear up the problem by having an abortion. Would you feel happy settling down with this man?

Take all the time you need, and don't let him pressure you x

WildBelle Fri 28-Apr-17 00:57:00

Don't think I'd be able to forgive this one. Maybe if he'd been straight up with you at the start about having slept with her. It's the lying that would hurt me the most.

gluteustothemaximus Fri 28-Apr-17 00:57:10

New info makes it worse. Girl was 4 months gone, told your partner, and then partner asked her to get an abortion?

Scan done, probably even first kick if early.

Maybe she didn't want to tell him as knew she'd have to face things alone anyway.

sad

43percentburnt Fri 28-Apr-17 00:58:20

He told you that he doesn't want to be a part of his child's life. That tells you a lot about him. I'd dump him on that alone.

GemmaRalph Fri 28-Apr-17 00:58:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GemmaRalph Fri 28-Apr-17 01:00:48

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Michellemc1xo Fri 28-Apr-17 01:02:08

Im more annoyed at the fact he asked her to get an abortion i mean seriously????? He should have wrapped it. If he lied about that im sure there is more hes lied about. God and now hes just going to choose not to help out with the child..

GemmaRalph Fri 28-Apr-17 01:03:05

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CmCm0852 Fri 28-Apr-17 01:03:47

@GemmaRalph one thing I deffinalty wouldn't do is feel sorry for him he obviously didn't feel sorry for you lying to you all this time . And I completely agree with @gluteustothemaximus. I know this must be really hard for you but just take your time to really think about it

CmCm0852 Fri 28-Apr-17 01:06:28

@GemmaRalph he needs to take responsibility for his actions and worn protection when having a one night stand he needs to step up instead of asking for an abortion I find it discusting to say the least !!

BlondeBecky1983 Fri 28-Apr-17 01:07:58

This will be incredibly hard for all concerned. Take nothing he says now as absolute truth, when that little baby arrives I would be willing to bet things will change, and so they should. He needs to man up and be a part of his son/daughter's life. Sounds like he's telling you what you want to hear.

Cricrichan Fri 28-Apr-17 01:08:37

I'm not sure. Maybe he lied because it didn't really mean anything to him and didn't want to ruin things with you. Finding out she's Pg must be a massive shock to him and he's not had a chance to process it yet. I think it's unfair in both the baby and him if he has nothing to do with the baby and he might be saying what he thinks you want to hear.

It's up to you whether you want to continue in the relationship knowing that it's all changed considerably.

sandgrown Fri 28-Apr-17 01:09:06

Technically speaking you were apart when he slept with the other girl. He probably lied to better his chances of getting back with you. He is probably in panic mode about the baby. Are you happy to support him if he decides to build a relationship with the child? The mother was also wrong to try and keep the child secret. Would have been much worse if the child started asking about his/her father when a teenager and turned up on the doorstep.

GirlOverboard Fri 28-Apr-17 01:12:16

If it was just a one night stand he wasn't necessarily lying when he said he hadn't 'met anyone else'. To me that phrase means someone you've been on a few dates with, rather than a one night stand.

However that would be irrelevant to me as I wouldn't date a man who could abandon his child. Or a man who (presumably) has unprotected sex on one night stands.

LellyMcKelly Fri 28-Apr-17 01:16:14

It's a tricky one. Why did he break up with you in the first place? He was perfectly entitled to sleep with other people while you weren't together, but the fact that he lied to you raises some questions, particularly when he asked you about your Interim relationships. How do you feel about him having a child with another woman before you are seriously thinking about having children together? How do you feel about your eldest child not being his eldest child? How do you feel about him wanting to deny his child a father? I'm sounding like a big old lady here, but at 28 you shouldn't be settling for second best. If he, as he really is, is not what you want, then finish it. Otherwise you be the best step mum you can be.

highinthesky Fri 28-Apr-17 01:30:30

My partner & I (both 28) are from broken homes and have always been so adamant about dong it right so when he found out was devastated & asked her to get an abortion.

Asshole for this reason alone. He wasn't doing it right, he wanted to extinguish a life simply to make his own life easier. You should be thinking hard about why you would want a life with such a monstrous selfish bastard.

supermumofmany Fri 28-Apr-17 01:31:43

Weather he likes it or not your lives will change even if he has nothing to do with this child, it's his so he will have 18years to now financially support it for. It would be a deal breaker for me, at 28 with no ties go start fresh with someone new who doesn't lie and can give you all you want and that includes your own family

BubblingUp Fri 28-Apr-17 01:43:15

He doesn't want anything to do with his own flesh and blood that he helped create. Never forget that.

Chops2016 Fri 28-Apr-17 03:14:17

This would be a deal breaker for me. It shows how selfish and irresponsible he is.

Please get an STI check as he obviously has form for unprotected one night stands..

Helpmegetthisoutmymind Fri 28-Apr-17 03:55:24

I feel sorry for him too. Forced to be a father by a one night stand. I'd be gutted.
But he's made his bed and all that. He's decided he doesn't want to be a dad like she's decided to be a single mum.
Don't see how a man doing this is any different to a woman giving a child up for adoption or having an abortion.
How do you feel about what he's done? And the aftermath? Could you deal with him having a child? and not seeing it?

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