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Did you feel better or worse if you saw pics/caught them in the act?

(17 Posts)
Marshmalloww Thu 27-Apr-17 19:19:46

So I've just seen:
- Her naked in a pair of high heels, wearing only pants and a Cheshire cat grin (tbh although her thighs were thin, she had no waist and her boobs were horrible) (so that made me feel better)
- Him lying on our bed watching her (facetime screen shot) playing with herself (close up of the relevant area) (I know it's not me because I always have my nails done and she has horrible nails)
- Literally - wait for it - his POV looking down as she ... sucks him.

Sorry for TMI but hey.

Now - for any of you who have been fucked around, lied to and abused by a cheating bastard (because there is no 'good' cheating), if you did ever see the reality of it - photo, video, in real life (you poor thing) - then did it make you feel better or worse?

That might seem like a stupid question, but I think I might feel better. It blasts away any denial, and shows it like it is. Grisly. Helps with the conscious un-coupling ... yes, he really is just a loser. As is she.

Marshmalloww Thu 27-Apr-17 19:27:03

I should add: this is a man who sleeps cuddled up to me every night and has some form of sex with me every day.

All the other details of who/what/where aren't the point, really - question just is: maybe it's better to see it for exactly what it is, then you can react properly, instead of sort of shoving it under the carpet and pretending it was/is nothing. ...

Christmastree43 Thu 27-Apr-17 19:48:46

I was glad I had the evidence. But all the little personal things - the bedroom, my things in the pictures that had just been thrown to one side - really really hurt. Bear in mind this was my uni boyfriend of two til I was 20 so not comparable to a marriage or even long term/ living together but the cheating truly broke my heart and fucked up my opinion of myself for a long time.

I know it's horrid but the girl was fat and chavvy as well which to be honest made it worse as for one thing I felt tainted as we were still having sex and for another I just couldn't understand why.

So so sorry for what you are going through, wouldn't want my worst enemy to go through it flowers

Hellobye Thu 27-Apr-17 19:52:25

That sounds so horrible for you.

We are all different but I know I would not want to know the gory details and I certainly wouldn't want to see photos/videos. I would find that sickening.

I suppose it makes it real and you can't just paper over the cracks and pretend it never happened or tell yourself he wasn't into it or something to make yourself feel better.

1DAD2KIDS Thu 27-Apr-17 20:03:14

I needed proof for my sanity. My ex had a clever way of twisting things and making me feel like a complete nutter for thinking she was having an afair.

Sorry to hear you in that place but all the best for the future.

IsNotGold Thu 27-Apr-17 20:33:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whereiscaroline Thu 27-Apr-17 22:57:52

My god this is awful, I'm so sorry flowers

I think worse to begin with, but better in the long run, in terms of making it easier to decide and stick with the decision to LTB.

Startoftheyear2017 Thu 27-Apr-17 23:09:03

Hi Marshmellow, sounds like you and I are facing the same situation. What bastards we chose to love. 2 days ago I found photos, lots of photos. This fucking woman who he worked with for years. Naked. Photos taken recently. Not as bad as the ones you've seen but still seared in my mind's forever I suspect. He's denied having an affair, but has been doing the whole 'script' thing to me for months. Blah, blah blah. Finding the screenshots of their loving Whatsapp conversations and the photos has helped me no end. I have a reason for why this is happening.
At the moment I'm not telling him I know. We stopped having sex a few weeks ago (I'm probably most horrified that it would seem he's been shagging both of us for a while). At the moment I'm in the 'knowledge is power' camp. Not sure how long for though. Good luck to you op.

Startoftheyear2017 Thu 27-Apr-17 23:10:06

Sorry for spelling your name wrong.

amysmummy12345 Thu 27-Apr-17 23:13:03

flowers what a twat he is!!

CopperRose Thu 27-Apr-17 23:23:57

I didn't have tangible proof like that at all - I found the burner phone by accident one day & it all unraveled from there.
As it turned out, the affair had been going on for many years & I was utterly clueless.

I think pictures would have been too much for me to bear at the time, but it might have made it less surreal iyswim.

flowerswinecake for you marshmalloww - fucking wanker cunts don't deserve our time or energy.

babycow38 Thu 27-Apr-17 23:58:50

Bloody hell...I found out with a hotel booking and I was in turmoil for months, I cannot imagine finding anything explicit, I would literally not know how to cope.

Marshmelloww Fri 28-Apr-17 07:05:52

Thanks, everyone ... it helps me to be able to place this on a general scale ... ie, that it's particularly awful to have seen what I've seen.

I should say though that I didn't find out by seeing these things - OMG - that would have surely killed me!! No - I found out a couple of years ago, and we've been through all sorts of emotional pain with it, but recently I'd kind of managed to put it in a box and calm down. However, I also know that he hasn't cut contact. It's all as if he had, but actually he hasn't. And although these pics are from a year or more ago, there are still recent ones (close ups of her face - looking gross, which was comforting, but still).

Basically, I've tried to put it out of my mind and carry on, but now I've seen the reality, it will probably help me by fuelling my natural repulsion from him now and helping me get away. I just don't want someone who thinks it's OK to have done (or to be doing) this.

It's a long road, all of this. I'm pretty tired. I feel like I'm flagging. I don't know when or how it will end. I feel broken. : (

BlondeBecky1983 Fri 28-Apr-17 07:11:52

This is awful, I've been there too. [flowers

Ultimately you have your proof. Cling to it and run for the hills. I made the mistake of going back and it cost me years of unhappiness. I did get out in the end though.

BlondeBecky1983 Fri 28-Apr-17 07:12:15


yetmorecrap Fri 28-Apr-17 10:01:39

Crikey, however sad it makes you feel, get out,

xStefx Fri 28-Apr-17 10:07:33

Blood hell OP im sorry
I think at least the bastard cant deny it
Please dump his rotton ass

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