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I really dislike my husband - is it time to move on?

(20 Posts)
Eibbed58 Thu 27-Apr-17 18:56:09

I am so fed up with the repetitive behaviour!
Today's trigger - we have builders in - an unplanned repair - he is not coming home tonight. He usually works at home on Fridays - that would help me - but he hasn't responded to whether he will be home tomorrow. I know he feels deeply inadequate around builders as he thinks, 'as a man' he should 'know' but has always left such matters to me so he hasn't a clue!
I get no support from him and at the moment I feel the only thing I get from him is the insistence that we both sleep in the same bed - for me this means listening to his snoring all night. We have been married 34 years, kids are grown up but not independent. I compare 'notes' with my cousin, both of us are married to men 'on the spectrum', so many similar traits. I am so unhappy. My H has a life changing condition - cirrhosis, needless to say he is in the pub tonight. Should I stay or should I go?

category12 Thu 27-Apr-17 19:01:17

Why would you stay?

WingsofNylon Thu 27-Apr-17 19:04:55

What are you getting out of staying? He doesn't seem to be adding anything positive to your life.

rumred Thu 27-Apr-17 19:05:10

Plan your new life. It's way too short to stay unhappy

ImperialBlether Thu 27-Apr-17 19:06:09

I wouldn't stay! Life's too short.

Your problem is your children being dependent on you still. How old are they? Are they working/able to work?

user1484615313 Thu 27-Apr-17 19:10:36

havr you told him how you feel ? Maybe something to get you both excited again.

Offred Thu 27-Apr-17 19:28:45

There is a word for someone with cirrhosis who carries on drinking... alcoholic.

Yes, you should leave him. He is an alcoholic who, as alcoholics do, is putting drink before you (and himself).

Eibbed58 Thu 27-Apr-17 19:29:07

The children aren't really the problem - eldest is mid 20s sort of independent, (could all change but it's not critical), second is starting 2nd year at Uni. Both well aware of the problems. I think I'm just a conformist and a coward. I'm 60 next year. I want to go on a special holiday I just don't want to go with him. I've just taken a week off work to sort domestic issues. H moaned at me that he had time to take off too, but he's not interested in wasting time on domestic matters and would rather go on holiday. For the first time in years I will have a holiday away with friends this year, he is not happy. He has always has solo holidays every year - doing manly things 'that are not for me'. Now with his illness and age this may be a thing of the past. I don't want to get stuck with this miserable old man!

Offred Thu 27-Apr-17 19:30:42

He's a pig and you don't want to be lumped with his care...


pog100 Thu 27-Apr-17 19:41:49

I see no reason to stay

category12 Thu 27-Apr-17 19:44:13

Well don't end up stuck with him then. If you don't want to spend the rest of your life dealing with him and ending up as his carer in the not-too-distant future, you need to be brave and make the break.

IndieTara Thu 27-Apr-17 19:48:08

My ex was also 'on the spectrum' and a horrendous snorer.
Those were not the only reasons but he is now an ex and I am happier

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard Thu 27-Apr-17 20:21:42

The question is do you want to spend your life with this person or not?
Regardless of everyone else, or circumstances, everything else but that is just flim flam.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Thu 27-Apr-17 20:24:13

Why not get your ducks in a row ready for the big 60 and start your new life the way you want to? He doesn't deserve anymore of your years.

TheHobbitMum Thu 27-Apr-17 20:27:41

Life is too short! Make plans for your new life and start living it. An alcoholic will not change and only ever get worse, get out before it does (alcoholics in family). Look forward to your big 60 with your new plans smile

TheUpsideDown Thu 27-Apr-17 20:34:27

Alcoholic in the family here too... my mum. I couldn't wait to get the f**k away from her. Shes my mum, I love her, but shes destructive and selfish. Living with her was a nightmare.

Leave - go and be happy

MickeyRooney Thu 27-Apr-17 21:58:23

Oh fuck, just ditch him. this whole situation sounds dreadful.

Pollydonia Thu 27-Apr-17 22:51:49

Don't spend the rest of your life in a shit marriage.

springydaffs Thu 27-Apr-17 23:45:32

It's rather pitiful you've all been dragged into the gutter by an alcoholic. Girl, if you can't leave for you then do leave for the kids. Yy they're grown but PLEASE show them they don't have to live with shit like this.

Life with an alcoholic is pure misery. Deep and profound misery.

Be brave.

TheNaze73 Fri 28-Apr-17 07:48:13

I think you need to. His actions are mirroring your thoughts. He obviously doesn't like you either

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