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Abandoned and angry

(7 Posts)
1DAD2KIDS Thu 27-Apr-17 18:50:53

I heard a song today on my play list. Not heard it for so long and it opened a wound and resulting rage. The song:

Where have you been by Real Big Fish

The lyrics really resonated with my situation. Basically its about an ex who has broken up with the guy she left him for and wants to come home. So those who have read my post know my ex wife left me and the kids for someone else. That it all went wrong for her with the OM. And now she wants to come back to me, our family and home.

Anyway I thought emotionally I had pretty much put all my emotional issues around this to bed over the last two years. But today this song opened a wound and I realised that I am still very angry at her deep down. Not for the affair, that's forgiven. But for abandoning me and the kids. She was supposed to be my soul mate. The person that I could rely upon to be in my corner through the darkest of times. I was and always would have been there for her. I did everything for her. Not only did she put me in the darkest place in my life where was she when I needed her? Where was she when I needed someone to talk to, to hold, to stand shoulder to shoulder with and fight the bad times? She was in the arms of another not giving a flying fuck about me and the family she was tearing apart. And at the moment am absolutely fucking raging. I am so angry. I think deep down I have always had this anger about the way she abandoned me. Maybe I am being unfair to be angry about her abandoning us because she was never my property, she is her own free person? But I just cant stop feeling angry the way she shit on us all.

I have realised that I will probably never forgive her for abandoning us all the way she did and I know there is 100% no way she can ever return home. Sorry for the rant but I am just a bit emotionally battered again.

CrazedZombie Thu 27-Apr-17 19:24:12

My ex left for OW 5 years ago. I am still sometimes shocked by how things turned out.

When the blips happen, you have to remind yourself of how far you've come. You're strong and doing a great job.

I don't know the song that you mentioned but there's been a few songs that have set me off.

Changedname3456 Thu 27-Apr-17 19:40:29

Over 6 years on for me. Can't say I've forgiven the affair or (especially) her taking the kids to the other side of the country. There are nights when I can't get to sleep because of thinking it all through.

Angrybird123 Thu 27-Apr-17 21:43:17

Hey..I've followed your threads - am.also 2 years on. I genuinely don't give a flying fuck about ex and ow and their impending nuptials but i still burn with rage at the sheer bloody selfishness of the pair of them and the cost to my kids. Don't really have any words of advice but just wanted to say keep on going and it will might come back again but for less time each time I think.

AnyFucker Thu 27-Apr-17 21:49:35

If this were AIBU I would say YANBU

Onmyownwith4kids Fri 28-Apr-17 09:02:22

My ex did the same. He waltzes in around every four months to play dad of the year and ignores texts asking for regular contacts. He too wanted to come back. I feel exactly the same anger as you at times. Life is hard and this isn't what I signed up for. I'm so glad I never took him back though and actually grateful to his affair partner for removing a shallow, self centred lazy individual from my life. It's hard though when because of the kids this dysfunction is always skirting on the periphery of your life

Zaphodsotherhead Fri 28-Apr-17 09:09:11

Six years for me too and I still get the anger. My best friend, the man who knew me inside out, basically said 'you're not good enough'. I think that's what hurts most. He knew me through and through, all my dark thoughts and secrets, and just went 'pah, they're nothing'.

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