I've been a member of mumsnet for years, have name changed, not that I was a regular poster but have asked advice related to this same topic and for whatever reason I just can't seem to make the decision that I know deep down is probably the right one. In fact I seem to dig myself in deeper
I don't know where to start, basically I'm at a huge crossroads not only with dh but in a few of my relationships. It seems to be that I'm getting so tired of the crap I've allowed others to throw my way that I'm verging on bitterness and it's only damaging me. I've stepped back from a few friendships that have caused me hurt and where it was expected that I forgive and forget when actually I should called time on the friendship then and there. Trying to work out why I do this and why I am (unconciously maybe?) drawn to people who will treat me this way. While I am sad at the loss of the friends I can't go on pretending that I'm ok with how I've been treated. I also feel I'm retreating from all relationships, not sure how to put trust in people and quite honestly I'm lonely but don't want the hurt.
Dh and I are at loggerheads. Things have never been very easy although there are obviously good times and I'm aware that I have brought as many issues to the relationship as he has. No one is perfect but I can't go on like this. We have 1 child together and I have 2 to a previous partner. I'm embarrassed that if we split up, people will say I told you so and what a waste of time and money etc on a wedding. I hate the thought of failing at another relationship, splitting contact and all the upheaval for the kids. Otoh I know it's not healthy to live in an environment where parents are not happy, I suspect this is where my issues about relationships come from.
Dh has many good points, he's funny, will do things IF ASKED! He works full time and is generous with money, will encourage me to do things to better myself. However, he is incredibly lazy/incompetent. I have to take responsibility for everything, it is a constant source of arguments, leaving me exhausted and too busy to actually do the things he encourages me to do. I have tried to work out if he is genuinely just really rubbish at the household stuff, bring intentionally crap do not to be asked again or if he's even aware that's what he's doing. I can't work it out.
He needs to be reminded to iron clothes for the kids if they look a bit wrinkled, wash faces brush teeth etc If there's no shopping he doesn't have the motivation to say lets get a list and get some shopping in. I pay all the bills apart from his phone bill and he even forgets at times to have that in on time, causing charges etc all school dates/groups/car stuff/house admin/house work has to be delegated and explained. Fair enough if it needs pointed out and explained a few times but still? This is going on 9 years.
Everytime it's raised he says hes trying, he doesn't notice, it doesn't occur to him, what can he do to sort it. Aaahh doesn't get that he needs to sort it not me to work out how to sort it for him!! I said a couple of days ago what would he do if I wasn't here? I'd just do it was the answer.
I've said its getting the stage where I think it's better if he finds somewhere else to live for a period to give me some space to try and work through this. That's not going to work for him. I said this isn't working for me now, and that's where I'm at.
He also promises to do things and they never materialise, he has good intentions I think just can never see things through. I resent him, I'm exhausted with this, I cant work due to illness and find things difficult enough as it is. I'm scared though that I won't manage the kids on my own. Just don't know where to go with it now.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far!
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Help me move forward please
8 replies
Loopylou00 · 27/04/2017 12:45
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.