Need some advice, am a regular poster but namechange.
So, OH and I have been together 20 years, two kids in late teens/early 20s. We've been through many tough times but always been able to resolve them.
Had a problem five years in where both of us had an emotional affair over about three months, we had a massive fight about it but again strength about the issues, mainly external as one kid has extreme ADHD.
Sex was incredibly until about 18 months ago. OHs libido has disappeared, I can count number of sessions on one hand. These are mainly oral and finger usage, some toys. Cannot remember the last time we had penetrative sex.
We still sleep in the same bed, we hold hands while settling down. Can count number of kisses on one hand since Xmas, cannot remember last snob. OH doesn't say "love you" or any other emotive words.
So, I think OH may be having an emotional affair, I can't check because of password, and OH is very technically gifted so doubt I would find any evidence if I managed to get in. Should also note that due to health issues, OH is in bed most of the time and I'm downstairs. OH tries best to get out. Went for a meal a couple of weeks ago which was nice, but felt a lack of emotion.
It just feels like we are friends rather than lovers, just going through the motions. Are we done, is this it? We've talked recently about IVF for a baby but my emotions are all over the place...
I really don't think a baby will sort your issues out, the extra stress will only highlight how fragile the foundations of your relationship are. Saying I love you means the square root of fuck all, if his actions aren't backing it up, so I think there are bigger issues afoot. He should address them with you. OW didn't spring to mind when I read this. Just see it as him being unhappy but, being selfish in not facing into it & telling you why.
Ivf??? Bloody hell no. Is he under a Dr for this health issues? You have both cheated and have no commitment to your marriage imo. Why don't you have sex? Have you both been sti tested? He may be avoiding sex if he thinks he may have one. . What's in this life for you??
The health issue constrains to bed, its not OHs fault he can't get out of bed. He's on a glut of medication for the health issue and antidepressants. I'd be amazed if he wasn't depressed tbh.
He seems ok, and happy to give me sex involving oral, fingers, toys, and when he does I have loads of orgasms; this really makes him happy but he pulls away if i want to do things to him. He bloody amazes me with what he can do. We were both sti tested at the end of last year - the GP advised it as part of IVF preparation.
We've always had a deep and loving relationship, we've talked and I've expressed my feelings. We've changed car to an automatic which he says will cause him less health problems and soy hopes we can get out more. As for potential ED, he's just changed antidepressants and hopes this will resolve the libido problem, and one of his medications is known to have ED as a side effects. I work in health science and it's quite cruel what this particular drug does. I've told him Viagra could be a solution to his libido issues.
Sorry for the length of this drip feed, the posts made helped me think more deeply.