Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Feeling down 😞(12 Posts)
Well as the title says really. Feel I've made a major mess of my life. I'm a healthcare student and I'm really struggling with assignments and academic work. My anxiety and depression have been exacerbated since I started because it's so physically and mentally demanding. I'm also a single parent. My personal life is in tatters too. A man who I had a sort of an affair with messages me quite a lot to try and rekindle things and I know I should block him but I don't really have the heart too. I go from feeling like I want to talk to him to hating his guts because he's cheating (has always cheated) and I feel his gf should know. The only reason I've not said is because there's a possibility I could come into contact with them both in the future through uni and it would be awkward. I'm single btw. Oh and I have neighbours from hell too. Next doors dog barks all day every day makes getting any uni work done impossible as tired and can't concentrate. I just wish I could move away. Have limited support of my family too. I find my self envious of others on my course who have families who help with shopping and cleaning whilst they do their degree. My house is a tip and I'm constantly juggling. Please help 😕
To give better context about the guy, he's constantly telling me how he feels about me and that he can't stop thinking about me and inviting me to stay over with him. I don't deserve to be treated like that, it's just there is no one on the horizon for me lack of single men where I live plus I don't have single friends so I suppose he was a bit of a distraction for me 😔 I'm also a carer for one of my children as they have a disability so you can imagine life can be a little lonely at times ..
Morning Beautyis... Sorry to hear you're feeling so down.
It sounds like you have a lot to deal with.
I'm not going to give relationship advice - not really in a position to do that.
But I wonder if you have made contact with the mental health / counselling services at your university? They would be able to offer you some support & perhaps some practical ideas for juggling all the things you have going on.
It's hard doing a degree & harder still as a lone parent. I did it myself so I can empathise to an extent.
Beauty I'm a single parent with a demanding job. It's tough and can be incredibly lonely at times.
One piece of advice is whilst you are struggling to cope don't complicate your life with men. I took 4 years out of that so I could focus on the important stuff, kid and work. I tried to spend time with people who cared about me when I needed time out. Not sure if there is a gingerbread group near you (single parents) but if you can get something going that is just for you, swimming once a week even it will help.
The last thing we need when we are struggling is a complicated love life or anything potentially soul destroying. It's a fragile time for you, take care of yourself xxx
OP, firstly, you have to praise yourself for even embarking on study in your position.
Secondly, it's understandable you would be distracted by this man, the attention is probably the only attention you're getting from anywhere. However, he is spoken for, and he's a serial cheat, so you know it's going nowhere.
My DD has just qualified as a healthcare professional. She lives at home and has no commitments, it was HARD. You are a single parent, have a child with a disability, and little support, personally I think you're AMAZING!
I have been a single parent for 10 years+ and that alone is incredibly hard, mine are adults now. Your degree will open your world, so you must focus on the long term. Are your DC of school age? Can you go to the library to study? Have you spoken to your uni? I'm sure they can offer support in some way.
Please don't give up on yourself, your career, your independence, your opportunity to have a better life. Lots of students struggle (even without any commitments) but please ask for help, don't struggle alone.
Hi I am a single parent too. I don't have all the pressures you do but sometime I find things a little overwhelming. So I can only imagine how hard things are for you. I know that sometimes I have to simplify my life and cut out complications and distractions as sometimes I simply can't do it all. Normally for me it's cutting out dating/relationship. Personally I think you should get this man out your life and give you more energy for all the other stuff on your plate.
Thanks to all who have responded. I will see a counsellor at uni if these feelings continue. I feel resentful at the guy as I just can't seem to cut him out of my life as I'd miss him, but at the same time his gf has a right to know about what he's been doing. It feels ill never meet anyone to be honest and I just want to be cared about and values just like any one else 😞
I do sympathise with you on all points except:
You know he has a gf, so you are just as bad as him, and being lonely does not give you an excuse to go behind another woman's back and play away with her partner, it's not right.
Have you not tried Online Dating?
Also, there definitely should be some kind of student support system at the University that you can talk to about your issues.
What about joining some single parent groups, is Gingerbread still around, it used to be great.
I have tried online dating. I've met no shows, nice but then dissapear, and downright weird. No gingerbread groups in my location I just checked
Any other suggestions of where to meet a decent single man?
One piece of advice is whilst you are struggling to cope don't complicate your life with men
Totally agree. Relationships are distracting, whether they're good or bad. This one is bad for you because he's not available. It's also pretty shit to be seeing him when you know he has a GF. I think it helps to break your issues down into manageable parts...
- That cheating bastard of a man you're seeing...tell him that seeing him no longer works for you as you need to completely focus on your studies. It doesn't mean you have to fall out with him, so not awkward if your paths cross.
- Next doors dog...do your neighbours know it barks all day? Could you tell them or do you think they'd be unreasonable? Does it bark all night too, so you don't sleep properly or only in the daytime when you're trying to study? Could you use earplugs or ear defenders?
- Can you move house?
I've spoke to the neighbours they're gonna keep noise down yeah the dog was barking all night. Let's see if they sort it out I guess.. Can't really afford to move to he honest.
I feel so annoyed with myself over the bloke, I just want a healthy man who wants just me. Sick of being the single one out my friends it just feels ugh 😟
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.