i don't really know where to start really i've never posted anything like this and being so personal with peoples feels a bit strange lol...
but i should probably start off with a bit of backstory. i'm in my early 20s i suffer with very bad social anxiety i've never really had a relationship because of my social awkwardness so i'm completely inept when it comes to anything about relationships and i have no one to really talk about this kinda stuff with in this regard you could say i'm quite immature as by now most people my age have had a few relationships while i still find the whole thing cringe worthingly embarrassing to talk about like a teenager would.... my face is bright red as i type this 
me and my friend have known each other about 5 or 6 years but never really became close friends until 2 years ago he is 20 years older than me he's never been married has no children he actually has no family at all since his mother passed away a few years ago and well i just adore him he's the most loveliest person you could ever meet i didn't think people like him existed he's just so kind he never complains he never says anything bad about anyone he always tries to help people (his job involves helping people) and he volunteers every week at the redcross to cook meals for homeless people just generally a really good guy
we've become increasingly close over the past 2 years i know some people find it strange that we are friends because of the age difference and i think a lot of peoples first response is that he's an older man taking advantage and just being nice to get one thing. but it really isn't like that at all its been purely platonic he's never once made me feel uncomfortable you could almost say he's been kinda like a father figure or uncle towards me....and well that's kind of the problem for about a year now i've liked him more than a friend but i'm pretty positve he doesn't feel the same way i don't think he has any interest in dating someone younger than him and he sees me like a niece he'll often joke and put "from Uncle Dave" at the bottom of texts and things < not his real name
hes so sweet and affectionate towards me and part of me doesn't mind it staying like this but overall i'ed like more we have so much common and get on so well it all most seems a shame not to at least see if it could be something more i know if i told him how i felt he'ed let me down gently and wouldn't let it ruin our friendship.....its more how i'ed react that i worry about i'ed probably feel so embarrassed that i'ed never speak to him again and cry for weeks lol
so should i just stay quiet and carry on as things are? or should i tell him how i feel and if so what do you think is the best way to go about it?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I'm in love with my bestfriend
HermitTheFrog · 27/04/2017 02:21
Similar here. A very dear friend of mine is 22 years older than me and we've known each other for 16 years. I'm going through separation from my H and am leaning quite a lot on my friend for emotional support, which he offers freely. When our friendship was quite new, we were v v attracted to each other, and things did happen that might have ended our friendship- v passionate kissing, shared a bed, almost had sex really. Something stopped us, and we have been through a falling-out and various long periods of not seeing each other. Somehow we have kept our friendship and I never lost the flame for him. Now I'm splitting from H, my feelings are strong again and I would get together with him if I could, but can't as we're 200 miles apart and I have kids. He's 64, I'm 42. Also, he's with someone, which I didn't know when I visited him again recently after 5 years 
I guess I would say that it's always gonna be a risk to make a move, but in general it is anyway, age gap etc or not. You sound like you're open to us all saying "go for it" - and from my experience I would say do. I agree with engineering things to make the two of you physically close, then see what happens. Xx
Oh I worry that I sounded harsh OP. I relate to you in so many ways. I'm introverted, have suffered crippling social anxiety (though I'm in my late 40s now and time and age have helped with this).
Just look after yourself and try not to fall in love with an idea of partnership. Real life with him could be so incredibly different than you imagine. It might be a huge disappointment. But he's a healing source of happiness for you, friendship wise. The friendship is so important to you both. Nurture this. Though I have second thoughts about my own words. I'm wondering if he just assumes that a 22 year old wouldn't look twice at him. Why don't you start expanding a bit? Go out for coffees. Maybe hang out on a Saturday if that's something you've never done. I wouldn't tell him your feelings. Just get closer. Gently. Kid gloves and all that. And hey, what's the worst that can happen? Your friendship and trust will thrive if nothing else. It could very well lead to more. I think you have to give him more time spent with you so that he develops more trust. Maybe the uncle thing is a safety barrier so that he won't lose you. I am totally rethinking as I type. But I am wondering if he feels that by keeping you at a safe distance and being a non-threatening father figure, he gets the benefit of the joy you bring him. Maybe he's afraid he'll lose you otherwise. I'm just remembering what my DH said when we finally got together. He just assumed I wouldn't be interested in someone 15 years older...3 kids and plenty of ups and downs later, here we are.
Hmm. Try coffee on a Saturday. That's what happened with DH. We started having coffee at the local cafe, chinwagging, shooting the breeze, chewing the fat, all that. We'd share music...Text a YouTube link. The songs became more beautiful and meaningful over time as we got closer. Music breaks down all sorts of barriers and expresses feelings safely. Do you have a dog? Dog walks and a cuppa? Move the parameters, cast the net a bit wider and socialise together a bit more. See what happens. Sorry to change horses mid-stream. I hope I'm not confusing you. But as a sufferer of social anxiety and being a walking, talking Morrissey lyric, I 'get' you and him more. I do. I get the whole hermit thing. 
Op I can see from your recent post history that you are very vulnerable and in a fragile mental state st the moment.
I don't think getting into a relationship is a great idea.
Is he aware of your particular situation? Is it possible that actually he really does just see himself as an 'uncle' or father figure to you?
I think you should be looking to get comfortable in your own skin first instead of seeking validation from a relationship.
He sounds wonderful. I'd would be afraid, however, that he does see himself as a father figure to you. Thread carefully cos you don't want to lose what you have with him. He sounds like a very positive influence in your life and you really don't want to jeopardise that. Move very slowly and see if anythings happens but please back off instantly if he seems anyway uncomfortable or you risk losing your closeness.
Try not to get hung up on your lack of relationships to date. You're still very young. I was very shy and because I came from a home of dv I found it hard to trust people esp men. I had my first relationship at 22, it was lovely and lasted a year. My second at 23 and I married him 6 years later. We're still together ( 15 years later and 3 dcs) and very happy.
It's not the quantity of relationships you have, it's the quality.
Thread carefully. Try to overcome you're anxiety, maybe get some cognitive behavioural therapy, that maybe beneficial to you
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.