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Sharing a bed with your partner

(30 Posts)
MissBel12 Wed 26-Apr-17 21:20:39

Just wondering if anyone has the same problem... I've never been able to fall sleep beside anyone sad I'm the lightest sleeper in the world, the tiniest movement/noise/temperature change will wake me up. I'm always either too hot or too cold and just can't get comfortable.

I was in one other long term relationship before I met my DH but we didn't live together, so I could survive a sleepless night once or twice a week when he started over. Same goes for if I'm staying with my family and have to share with my sister for a night, or if I'm on a girls weekend and have to share with a friend- I don't sleep at all, but it's only a night or two so it's fine.

I really don't want to sleep in a separate room from my lovely husband, and I know it always upsets him if we go to bed together and then he wakes up and I'm gone (into the spare room). But I've been trying and trying every night for 6 years to sleep beside him, and I'm just permanently exhausted.

I don't know whether to just give up and accept we'll never share a room (which I hate the thought of) or if anyone has experienced this and has any suggestions?

Everything else in our relationship is great, but I'm just afraid this will have a bad effect long term.

lovecreameggs Wed 26-Apr-17 21:25:52

HAve you tried focusing on something like an audiobook? You could listen to it through a sound asleep pillow until you drift off

Mum2jenny Wed 26-Apr-17 21:26:23

Get a bigger bed, that may help if you have more space. I struggle to sleep all night in a standard double bed with my dh, but it's ok in a king sized bed.

mayoli Wed 26-Apr-17 21:27:54

I had this problem until I met my now partner, who has a king-sized bed. Definetely recommend!

NapQueen Wed 26-Apr-17 21:28:00

Could you get two singles, pushed together (or even better two 3/4 beds) each with their own double duvet? Earplugs for noise. Or yy to audiobooks.

Branleuse Wed 26-Apr-17 21:30:17

get a bigger bed and memory foam mattress. superking. itll be so worth it. You wont feel him move at all. Do you already sleep with earplugs?

dubdurbs Wed 26-Apr-17 21:30:56

How about separate mattresses, like the Swedes use? My partner is like a bloody elephant in the bed beside me, but the best nights sleep I've had in years was in a hotel that had two mattresses on the divan base. I couldn't feel him moving around at all, apart from the usual stealing the duvet early in he morning, but we were still close enough to cuddle.

missyB1 Wed 26-Apr-17 21:31:57

Bigger bed and seperate duvets, you could have a lighter weight one.

MissBel12 Wed 26-Apr-17 21:33:28

Thanks everyone. Yeah we have a king sized bed, and I generally listen to music/books for 4 or 5 hours before getting p*d off and frustrated. Maybe the 2 single beds idea would work, as it would fix the movement and heat problem smile

FrogsLegs31 Wed 26-Apr-17 21:37:27

I use NoiseX wax earplugs and mould them slightly to actually form a vacuum on my ear... I know you're not supposed to but I don't sleep without them anymore!

Smeaton Wed 26-Apr-17 21:39:47

Thinking outside the box (Room)
Could you keep your bed frame but replace the mistress with 2 matresses? That way you'd still be next to weach other but independant iyswim.
Kind of like this:

NapQueen Wed 26-Apr-17 21:41:37

When you sleep alone do you find it easy to get to sleep?

BlessYourCottonSocks Wed 26-Apr-17 21:43:02

It is sad and I don't like it - I miss the closeness - but we have given up trying to make this work for us. I'm a terrible sleeper and can't sleep at all with someone else - and DH is a LOUD snorer. We have an Super King bed, which I enjoy alone. DH sleeps in the spare room now and has done for a couple of years. I still sleep crap. But I sleep better than I ever would do with him. I just can't cope on no sleep at all and having to get up at 6.30 for work. I've tried earplugs, huge bed, memory foam mattress, two duvets - but nothing worked.

EddSimcox Wed 26-Apr-17 21:43:18

The movement problem would almost certainly be fixed by a memory foam matress. And separate duvets for the heat / cold.

EddSimcox Wed 26-Apr-17 21:44:10

x-post with cottonsocks
so maybe not!

Fink Wed 26-Apr-17 21:44:57

I know an old couple like this. Nothing else worked so for years the wife has gone to sleep on her own and the husband has come to bed later, when she's deep enough asleep to not be woken up by him if he's careful. He still sometimes wakes her up but usually not. And then they're still together in the morning.

PotatoesPastaAndBread Wed 26-Apr-17 21:46:02

I've been with dh for fifteen years. We don't sleep in the same bed. It was really painful at first, he was so upset at the thought of not sharing a bed. But the lack of sleep was driving us both crazy. Now we're happy and we have enough sleep. We cuddle and read or have sex at bedtime then at some point one of us will totter off​ to the spare room. Might be after ten minutes, might be after a couple of hours.

Set the alarm 20 mins early for morning cuddles (workday) or go in when one of us wakes​ up (weekend).

It's not for everyone, but it works of us - and it doesn't mean we don't love each other just as much.

Also get twin rooms whenever we stay in hotels!

Sleep is a serious business here 😂

CookieDoughKid Wed 26-Apr-17 21:48:33

I need lights out & complete silence. I like warmth. Dh likes to fall asleep to a blue laptop screen and lots of noise. He likes sleeping to the Walking Dead or other crazy action movie with guns in the background. He likes a cool environment and likes a dimly lit room. We are therefore complete opposites in the extreme and sleep in separate rooms and have done for 10 years! It works for us though!

saltandvinegarcrisps1 Wed 26-Apr-17 21:49:02

Just be like the royals and sleep and in separate beds. If your DP is a cuddly type - do plenty of that then go to your own bed/room. When you think about it - there is absolutely no need to sleep together - by definition, if people are asleep, they don't know whether you are there or not. Do cuddles etc then go to sleep wherever. Simples.

totallyliterally Wed 26-Apr-17 21:49:39

Separate duvets. It is life changing.

We have a double each. Has made a huge difference. We have a king sized bed.

MissBel12 Wed 26-Apr-17 22:09:58

NapQueen- no I'm not a great sleeper even on my own, but a still better than when sharing. Love the name by the way smile

Blessyourcottonsocks- we sound similar, and it does make me really sad, and I get very jealous of what seems like the rest of world, but maybe it's more common than I thought.

PotatoesPastaBread and SaltandVinegarCrisps and CookieDoughKid, you're making me hungrygrin, but I know you're right, there shouldn't be so much emphasis on actually sleeping in same room, as long as we snuggle at night, and again the next morning. Just need to get my head around that potentially being a long term option.

Smeaton- i might look into that as one last option, before doing the separate rooms

MissBel12 Wed 26-Apr-17 22:11:23

Thanks again everyone, you're all lovely flowers

RedBugMug Wed 26-Apr-17 22:14:29

bigger bed, or, at minimum separate matresses and separate duvets.

or twin beds.

Lucked Wed 26-Apr-17 22:17:06

It might be worth trying Paul McKenna or similar.

SatsumasAndFrazzles Wed 26-Apr-17 22:19:52

Separate duvets here too! Made all the difference in the world. Cannot recommend it enough.

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