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Ex taking other kid on holiday

(46 Posts)
Flowerbomb01 Wed 26-Apr-17 15:57:22

Hi I'm posting this for my best mate as she's not a user but she in need of some advice.

Friend has 2 sons aged 9 and 6, they both have different Dad's but only the 9 year olds Dad has contact, the 6 year olds Dad hasn't had contact since he was a baby. Anyway the 9 yos Dad has always played a big part in his life and still stays with his mum (9yo gran), he takes his son away on holiday every year with his family (big family holiday, same place abroad).

Friend struggles as a single Mum and has never been able to take the boys on holiday abroad. Last night she had a phone call from ex saying him and his mum had been having a chat and wondered if they could take DS2 on holiday with them as he's known the family all his life and it would be nice for him to enjoy a holiday with his brother and it would give friend a break for a week.
She really wasn't expecting it and she thinks it's such a kind offer and something EX and his family really didn't have to do but at the same time she is unsure of whither to take them up on the offer as she feels a bit awkward about it. They are offering to pay it all aswell. Any advice?

Fishface77 Wed 26-Apr-17 16:01:13

What lovely people.
If they are genuine and they have a good relationship then I don't see why not!

DearMrDilkington Wed 26-Apr-17 16:03:05

Incredibly kind of them to offer, i wouldn't see an issue with it.

Chewbecca Wed 26-Apr-17 16:03:18

What reasons are there not to? (Other than feeling awkward which shouldn't be a showstopper)
Does DS2 have a relationship with DS1's Dad?
Does mum think DS1 & DS2 would enjoy a holiday together?

If yes and all positive, I can't see any reason why not.

Flowerbomb01 Wed 26-Apr-17 16:04:17

FWIW her 6 yr old would be fine going with them as he knows the family well, apart from the 1st year or 2 of their sons live they have always had a good relationship. I think she's feeling uncomfortable with the fact they will be paying for it all.

HoHoHoHo Wed 26-Apr-17 16:04:53

I think that's a lovely gesture, as long as you trust them and DS2 knows them well. It must be hard for the youngest to see his brother go away without him.

JigglyTuff Wed 26-Apr-17 16:05:21

I'd bite their hands off!

acornsandnuts Wed 26-Apr-17 16:08:01

Absolutely yes. It's a lovely gesture and if they didn't want to take him they wouldn't if offered.

Jaysis Wed 26-Apr-17 16:11:16

That is a lovely gesture. Such kind and thoughtful people - he obviously cares about his son and by extension, his son's brother.

If she knows and trusts the family who are holidaying, and money/ awkwardness is the only thing holding her back, she should let them do this.

DIYandEatCake Wed 26-Apr-17 16:12:36

She could always offer a financial contribution - whatever she can afford - or if that might offend them, when they go, give her ex an envelope with some money in for a meal out for them all/treats etc.

Nocabbageinmyeye Wed 26-Apr-17 16:12:54

How lovely! I'd think this would be great for her dd2, it must be hard that his brothers dad is involved but not his, I think would be great for him. Great for everyone involved really and means the brothers get to holiday together. What lovely people they are

noitsnotme Wed 26-Apr-17 16:13:01

That is so kind. It must be hard for her and the wee one watching the older one go on holiday each year. There are some great ex's around. Hurrah!

And yes, I'd take them up on it.

Isadora2007 Wed 26-Apr-17 16:13:22

That's lovely and I would have no problem at all with that. What a kind offer. I hope she enjoys the peace!

carabos Wed 26-Apr-17 16:13:38

DS2's grandparents were exactly like this with my two. They never treated DS1 any differently from their "blood" grandchild. It's pretty great really.

HirplesWithHaggis Wed 26-Apr-17 16:14:27

Go for it, definitely! grin

HouseworkIsASin10 Wed 26-Apr-17 16:15:52

That's a lovely offer! I would take them up on it.

Her ex obviously sees how hard she works as a single mum of 2 and wants to give her a break.

Also I would feel so bad taking one kid, without the other.

WateryTart Wed 26-Apr-17 16:16:28

I think it's a lovely gesture. What nice people.

Astro55 Wed 26-Apr-17 16:19:01

I think she should allow it - yes it may be awkward but the child will have a great time!

Makes a change from crap Ex!!

You wouldn't think twice if he asked your DA to being a friend it's no different is it?

HumpHumpWhale Wed 26-Apr-17 16:20:46

Yes, yes, 1000 times yes. That's so nice of them.

iogo Wed 26-Apr-17 16:21:36

I think it's lovely too. They've clearly thought about both boys best interests and would not be offering if they were genuinely not happy to pay. She should take them up on it.

I'm sure a bottle of nice wine and some flowers would go down well as a thank you when the boys return. 😊

hellsbellsmelons Wed 26-Apr-17 16:35:49

I wondered where this was going.
How lovely for your DC.
Don't feel awkward.
It's a lovely thing they want to do.
So let them.
Your DC will have a great time.

Fishface77 Wed 26-Apr-17 16:41:07

And tell your friend she's not allowed to work all week.
I command her to sit with her feet up eating takeaways and cream cakes reading trashy novels and watching Jeremy Kyle wink

Ellisandra Wed 26-Apr-17 16:46:13

I think it's lovely, and if I were the grandparent I know I'd offer this with nothing to worry about.

The only thing I'd think about - and chat to the dad about - is whether this is a one off. Because I'd want to word it carefully (special treat...) to my 6yo, in case they then got upset when they weren't invited away in future. I'd hate for the 6yo to feel they did something wrong and didn't get invited again! So I'd be sure to say to the 6yo - you know usually it's grandma time, so only 9yo goes? This year only you're going too -etc.

JigglyTuff Wed 26-Apr-17 16:54:14

That's a fantastic point Elli.

JustSpeakSense Wed 26-Apr-17 16:56:08

I think that's a very kind and generous offer, and she shouldn't feel bad about them paying for it all (it's not for her, it's for the DC) and adding one extra child onto the holiday won't cost very much more anyway.

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