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Should I pay for my husbands taxi fair for airport pickup

(68 Posts)
Bristhi123 Wed 26-Apr-17 12:48:50

Hello All,

I have been married for almost a year. I don't have a car so I am unable to pick up my husband and his family members from the airport.

I live with him and his family and although we don't pay bills (except contribution towards food) I do the house work (share with others).

I don't rely on my husband financially. However since the wedding planning started I have noticed that he expects me to pay for things that we as a couple need. He always has a way of getting out of it. My family paid for the wedding and his family gave me some gifts (as I gave him gifts) and spent the rest of the time complaining about how much they have spent.

I moved in with his family because he wanted to as it helps him financially (but it also helps me as we don't have to worry about rent) however I don't feel completely at home as I don't have the same privileges as others. for instance, others can pick on if they feel I have done something wrong, but I can never say anything back. They will also belittle my family (indirectly) and always get reminded of how amazing their family and relatives are. So I have to deal with these weird and awkward politics but generally they are nice. The other thing I have to deal with is they have a lot more expectations of me which I would never expect from my husband towards my family. for instance - they have relatives all over the world and they expect me to visit them and live with them for as long as necessary - but (although my husband never mentions this) I will be expected to financially look after myself and pay for my travels.

So I am dealing with a man who is lovely in everyway except when it comes to money - he resists spending money on things we need, he expects me to pay for things that benefits his family and sometimes expects me to pay for things he needs. I on the other haven't been able to ask him to buy things that I might need. He is afraid of me financially depending on him eventhough when we talk about it, he says he wants both to be able to depend on each other.

So I have become quite resistant to paying for things he needs (even though in a situation where I felt my husband respects the value of the money I earn- I would happily spend on him)...

I am posting here because I am not sure if I am wrong on this. Before my husband and his family members were flying out to a relatives wedding, they kept talking about how will they get home from the airport (I thought the solution is straightforward - book a taxi online - its cheaper than airport), and I knew they were waiting for me to offer paying for a taxi.

I chose not to because I don't believe I get the respect I deserve from them. My husband never mention it until recently whilst we were skyping he asked me playfully why can't I pick him up? He didn't ask "would it be okay for you to pick us up". I responded by saying "it will cost a lot (as we live quite far from the airport) for me to get a taxi to go to the airport and then bring you all back, instead why don't you get a taxi from the airport?" to which he responded "in that case I am not getting you a gift as my luggage will get heavy"... I told him what he is doing is making me feel really awkward as he is being really rude. But he thinks there is nothing wrong with what he is doing and only I am making it awkward.

So what do you think?

I must state that I gave him a piece and a half following his comments over skype but currently we are avoiding each other - which is easy as he is millions of miles away.

Thanks

AssassinatedBeauty Wed 26-Apr-17 12:53:32

Why does he need you to "pick him up" at your expense? That's really odd. He expects you to get a taxi to the airport to meet him, organise one back, and pay for them both yourself. When he could just get a taxi back on his own. Odd.

Tbh, your whole situation sounds difficult. Any chance you can move into your own home soon?

ohfourfoxache Wed 26-Apr-17 12:54:17

He sounds like an abusive cunt. Personally I think I'd LTB.

Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear sad

KinkyAfro Wed 26-Apr-17 12:55:10

I think I'd be running as far away from this family as possible, they all sound bloody awful and your husband certainly is not lovely...not even close

BeMorePanda Wed 26-Apr-17 12:55:39

this is bonkers. They are grown adults and can organise and pay for their own taxi/s.

Mind you the whole set up sounds strange to me.

BeMorePanda Wed 26-Apr-17 12:56:41

I'd be seriously making plans to avoid him forever.

SpaceDinosaur Wed 26-Apr-17 12:57:00

Wow.

Just wow.

Your husband and you need your own place ASAP.

KinkyAfro Wed 26-Apr-17 12:58:19

I think OP needs her own place definitely SpaceDinosaur but it should be without her abusive husband!

AyeAmarok Wed 26-Apr-17 12:59:20

You getting a taxi to the airport in order to get a taxi back with him and his family is bizarre in itself, never mind the issue of you paying, which is beyond ridiculous.

I would suggest you and your DH move out and live alone together, sharing bills between you.

FaithAgain Wed 26-Apr-17 13:00:15

He expects you to get a taxi to the airport, collect him and his family and then all get a taxi home?! Nope, that is ridiculous.

I do find it strange when couples have separate finances but in your situation, I think it's wise. Honestly, you say he's lovely and great, except for money when he demands so much of you and he manipulates you? I'd think very carefully about your future with him. Would you like children together? Will you be paying for everything for the baby?

AyeAmarok Wed 26-Apr-17 13:00:37

Actually, yes, get your own place but do it without your husband.

yetmorecrap Wed 26-Apr-17 13:03:56

Out of interest-- are you all British? This sounds a really bizzarre state of affairs, I think you need a serious chat with your husband. Write your thoughts down so you dont get flustered. Why on earth would you be personally paying for a taxi for him and his family. I am a bit baffled?

honeysucklejasmine Wed 26-Apr-17 13:05:44

Yeah, i would be moving out. Are you from a culture where it's normal to live with your ILs? Would drive me potty, frankly, and they seem to think you are a general skivvy.

WillyWonkasChocolate Wed 26-Apr-17 13:09:09

Can I ask are you or the family from a different culture/ethnicity i.e. Not originally British?

nauticant Wed 26-Apr-17 13:09:29

You husband sounds horrible. He is manipulative in this matter and I'd imagine in other matters as well.

At the very least I'd say "OK, you've got a deal, don't get me a gift and sort out your own taxi arrangements".

In the longer term you would be wise to think about getting out of his family home. Whether that would be with or without him is optional.

Ellisandra Wed 26-Apr-17 13:15:52

Get out now.
Of that house and of that marriage.

Ignore any bollicks from him or them about "culture", too.

What an ARSEHOLE to make that gift comment.

jellymum1704 Wed 26-Apr-17 13:18:56

OP, are you working? How does he expect you to pay all the time? You need to move out asap. It'll only get worse with time. You need to put your foot down and ask him to behave responsibly.

2014newme Wed 26-Apr-17 13:19:23

Move out.
It's a weird and abusive set up. The taxi thing is ridiculous.
I'm assuming your dh family are from the Asian sub continent but so what?

Vegansnake Wed 26-Apr-17 13:30:24

So when you have kids I expect you will be paying for them and caring for them...no different to a single mum..I would be ending things..

user1486915549 Wed 26-Apr-17 13:31:32

If you work how do they expect you to keep leaving your job to pop off and live abroad with relatives ?
Does your husband have a job ?
I would run a mile from such an odd set up.
You are not being unreasonable , look after yourself.

ocelot7 Wed 26-Apr-17 13:39:37

Bristhe I'm assuming you are south asian whereby moving in with the inlaws is often customary in the way that women marry into their husband's family? However this can come as quite a shock to a woman who has come from a more liberal family. This situation happened to a colleague of mine - she waited out 2-3 years till they could afford their own place.

If this is the case, you are unlikely to get advice here that really understands the situation you are in. Sorry if I've misunderstood

Huskylover1 Wed 26-Apr-17 14:20:15

Are they all on drugs?

None of this makes any sense, whatsoever.

Maybe he's angling for you to pay for some stuff, because you are living there rent free and you don't contribute to any bills (apart from food). That is all I can think of.

Weird all round.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 26-Apr-17 14:27:46

Run far from all of them - and run fast!!!
This whole set up is soooo wrong I don't even know where to start.

What sort of upbringing do you have because none of this normal!?

Seeingadistance Wed 26-Apr-17 14:35:57

Sorry, but the whole set up sounds quite bizarre to me, and I can't see how your domestic arrangements are any good for you at all.

In this case, yes, of course you are right - they should organise and pay for a taxi from the airport themselves. It has nothing to do with you.

In general - sorry, but even if you and your husband did have your own place, the whole dynamic sounds so off that I don't hold out much hope for future happiness in this marriage.

SweetLuck Wed 26-Apr-17 14:44:37

Why on earth would you pay for his taxi, I don't get it?! confused

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