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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

advice

24 replies

kacey12 · 26/04/2017 11:25

Bit of a long winded one hear

right my boss has tried to get with my since I ever started working with him about 9 years ago, however this year we have started seeing each other and no one really nos.

obviously we know each other inside and out to be honest there is a age gap which doesn't really bother me.

now hes looking at buying a property of which he told me he would like me to move in so we can spend time together as at the minute its as and when due to him working and me working.

so anyway last night he said he feels like hes being smothered and pressurized?? I don't no if this is like a man thing running a bit scared, even tho nothing has happened in the past hes always told me he loves me and he even went to speak to my mum to see if he could do anything to get me?

he makes me mega happy, I'm just confused as to taking things slow?

any advice apprieciated I keep thinking do I over text? am I saying things I shouldn't but its only because how serious hes come across to me?

hes in his 50s could be me overthinking?

OP posts:

Report

Fishface199 · 26/04/2017 11:27

How old are you Kacey?

RacoonofDoom · 26/04/2017 11:29

kacey12 · 26/04/2017 11:46

38

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 26/04/2017 12:05

I would just back off then.
Less texting.
Be busy more often.
Take the pressure off of and see what happens.
Do you have kids?
Do you want kids?
Do you both have the same life goals?
No point keeping on this path if it's not the same for both of you.

Have you had other relationships?

Moanyoldcow · 26/04/2017 12:05

Do you spend time with him outside of work?

Moanyoldcow · 26/04/2017 12:05

Plus everything Melons asked too!

kacey12 · 26/04/2017 12:26

i have a child yes whos 14
he has a child late 20s
we do spend time out of work as and when we can not a hell of alot?

we both want the same things just a happy life

i dont want other children and he doesnt.

hes tried to be with me for 9 years and ive been single 12 years never had something serious.

we had a good chat last night and he just said ease of a bit and take things slow he got the impression i want things develop quickly which isnt the case i just thought he did if that makes sense

OP posts:

RacoonofDoom · 26/04/2017 12:36

Is he married?

RacoonofDoom · 26/04/2017 12:38

he just said ease of a bit and take things slow

It's quite hard to understand this situation.
He's considering buying a property to move you into, do you mean he wants to live together? Or you have a separate place.
Him considering buying a place but then telling you he wants to take things slow is something of a mixed message, no?

magoria · 26/04/2017 12:41

I would not move into a property he owns.

If it goes tits up then your (and your DC) home would be at risk.

Add that to the fact he is your boss and working together may become intolerable you may find yourself job and house hunting at the same time.

Sounds like he may be one who enjoyed the chase and now he's caught you he is not as in to it.

kacey12 · 26/04/2017 12:42

NO hes not married

hes said that the property wont be ready for a couple of months so he would like me to move in then thats whats hes asked? hes has been a bit tetchy at work as in work stuff so dunno if its that thats really bothering him x

OP posts:

RacoonofDoom · 26/04/2017 12:42

Sounds like he may be one who enjoyed the chase and now he's caught you he is not as in to it

YY to this ^^

Fishface199 · 26/04/2017 12:44

I am wondering whether now the thrill of the chase is gone, he has got cold feet. After 9 years of pursuing you I thought he'd be keen to move things forward quickly too.

I would wait and see what he does and like someone said, back off a bit and judge him from his actions.

kacey12 · 26/04/2017 12:48

hes said everything is still the same it was good we spoke about it tbh the tesxts he has sent are like he so happy hes got me and he cant wait wake up every morning with me etc xx

OP posts:

RacoonofDoom · 26/04/2017 12:54

Your thread title is 'advice'. My advice would be to get your CV updated.

hellsbellsmelons · 26/04/2017 12:56

What is your current living situation?
Do you own your house?
Rent?

kacey12 · 26/04/2017 13:01

i am renting

OP posts:

TheNaze73 · 26/04/2017 14:01

I think you need to take a step back. It sounds like to me, that he values what you have but, doesn't want it all just yet. There's a lot to be said for taking things slowly.

kacey12 · 26/04/2017 14:05

thanks for that hun our relationship in general is amazing ive just never had someone say that before so just wanted some advice really

OP posts:

FizzyGreenWater · 26/04/2017 14:16

Hmmmm

So he's chased you for years but is now blowing hot and cold just when you (presumably) have been in agreement about moving in with him - ie he 'has' you... and you have shown that you are willing to give up your independent space and be with him?

I'd think very carefully before moving in. His house? But you'll be contributing, with your name on nothing? Not sure about that. And he is still your boss...

I would not put all my eggs in the boss basket. I think the first thing I'd do is have a serious chat about the house situation. You will have absolutely no security - he could throw you out on a whim. Not saying he would. But if he wants a joint bill-payer and a 'family' set-up, then there needs to be some agreement in place.

hellsbellsmelons · 26/04/2017 14:19

Oh dear.
So he will buy this house and it will be all his and you will be contributing to rent and bills and getting nothing back in return?
He's not daft is he???

kacey12 · 26/04/2017 14:23

my name on everything thats what hes said and said i can go the solicitors with him

OP posts:

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Enough101 · 26/04/2017 22:11

I think you need to tell him to slow down and see what he does with that! Buying a house, apparently putting your name on it, he sounds like he's backed himself in to feeling pressurised. I think you should back off as requested and then tell him that you think it would be better to let the relationship develop a bit before you jump in. You may know each other very well at a work level or even as friends, but its a different ballgame when you are in a relationship. You also have your DC to think of. How does your DC feel about moving in with him?

JK1773 · 26/04/2017 22:16

It's too soon to be living together, way too soon. Just take a step back. I know you've known each other a long time but not as partners. If it goes wrong you'll be disrupting your child, losing your home and more than likely your job. Try not to get swept away by it all. Live separately still and see how it goes. If he's serious about putting your name on the house (which is a massive gamble for him unless you're putting money in too) he can do that later when you move in.

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