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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DP telling his friends about our sex life

19 replies

GripNeeded123 · 26/04/2017 08:00

Without being too graphic, I had gone away for a few days over Easter and the night before I was due to return I'd had some wine and rather rashly (for me) texted my DP telling him that I missed him and what I wanted to do to him when I got back.

It turns out that DP had gone out for a drink with his friend that night when he received my text. The next day a message flashed up on his phone from the friend saying something like 'did you indulge your woman's request??' I only saw this by chance as DP gave me his phone to look at something and the message popped up whilst I was on the phone.

Clearly he has shown the message to his mate and I'm really embarrassed. Perhaps it's my own fault for sending it to DP but I thought he would just keep it to himself.

Should I just front it out with the friend the next time I see him. I'm cringing inside.

OP posts:

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NiceCuppaTeaAndASitDown · 26/04/2017 08:07

DP may just have had his phone out on the table when the message appeared. Slightly embarrassing, but his friend is probably more jealous than anything else!
I'd act like I was totally unaware of anything and carry on as normal

cafenoirbiscuit · 26/04/2017 08:07

No - I'd say nothing. Who knows - his mate may have just seen the message pop up, a bit like you saw his.
A good sexlife is nothing to be ashamed of.

LouiseTM · 26/04/2017 08:09

Dont be embarrassed. Im sure my dp converses with his best mate about our sex life! Wouldnt admit it though. We are only human. Honestly its a bit of male banter and i know some people on her will say how disrespectful etc, but i honestly wouldnt think too much about it op☺

AnnieAnoniMouse · 26/04/2017 08:14

Why do you think he actually showed him your message? Maybe DP just said something along the lines of 'Grip is missing me & after a 'good night' when she gets back! Yes!'

I'd have no problem with that, but I'd be mighty pissed off if he'd shown him my actual message.

I have no problem with friends knowing we have a good sex life or even some of the things we prefer/hate if it comes up in general conversation as these things occasionally do after a few drinks but it's not on to show messages etc, that's far too personal.

GripNeeded123 · 26/04/2017 08:22

I'm not certain that he has shown his friend the text but there was a particular phrase I used which the friend repeated.

I know I shouldn't be embarrassed but I am. It's coming to a head as we are seeing said friend on Friday. I'm just going to pretend I know nothing about it.

OP posts:

ShatnersWig · 26/04/2017 08:23

In my experience, women tell their female friends far more about their sex lives than men tell their male friends.

Changedname3456 · 26/04/2017 08:26

You've probably gone up several notches in his mate's eyes - nothing to be embarrassed about. I doubt your DH is talking specifics with his friends - more like "I'm on a promise when the missus is back"

Isadora2007 · 26/04/2017 08:26

So... you made an out of character choice to text when you were out/had a drink.
He decided to also make an out of character choice when out drinking (showing his mate)...
it's a little unfair of you to hold him to a given standard- especially as you say you haven't done this before so how would he know what was the correct way to act?

I wouldn't make a big deal out of this. Maybe if you do decide to send another one you can put "for your eyes only" at the start?

Pinkheart5915 · 26/04/2017 08:27

They could of seen the message pop up on his phone as you did, phone on the table when out with friends it's easily done.

Your an adult, sex is nothing to be ashamed of

I talk about my sex life with friends, normally it comes up after a few drinks. I don't care if dh does the same with his friends. We are two consenting adults and have good sex does anyone care

GripNeeded123 · 26/04/2017 08:32

No - I'm definitely not making a big thing of it with DP. As PP have pointed out, we don't have any established ground rules about this.

I suppose my embarrassment is my issue. His friend was definitely jealous so I just need to crack on with my life don't I and forget about it!

Thanks for the perspective.

OP posts:

teaandcakeat8 · 26/04/2017 08:34

Op what if your dp had sent you the same text when you were with your friends... can you honestly say you wouldn't share it with them?

In my experience women share much more about their sex lives with each other than men.

rumred · 26/04/2017 08:34

Why don't you ask him about it? I don't see how you can send sexually explicit messages yet not ask a question... You clearly feel ok with him usually

highinthesky · 26/04/2017 08:53

Perhaps be clear with your DP that what goes on intimately between the two of you is nobody's business but your own? Although why you should have to have this conversation in the first place suggests you can't trust him to keep his trap shut after a drink or two.

Mrstumbletap · 26/04/2017 08:54

I think I would probably be a bit embarrassed but I would also secretly feel a little bit happy that either DP was bragging or excited about my text. A good sex life is great OP.
I hope you had the great night with your DP when you got back?

Aquamarine1029 · 26/04/2017 10:07

Just let it go. Why on earth are you embarrassed? You're a grown woman who fancies her partner. I promise you that friend knows full well you have sex and their opinion of you hasn't changed at all. Friends talk to each other about their sex lives all the time. Don't blow something so silly so far out of proportion. Saying something to the friend would just be weird and pathetic.

whattodowiththepoo · 26/04/2017 11:28

Front it out, you have literally nothing to be embarrassed about.
Own. It.

GripNeeded123 · 26/04/2017 14:34

I'm going to front it out. I don't want to raise it with DP, as it is really a non-issue. I'm just dying inside a little bit (but less than I was before your opinions).

I also don't want him to think I'm invading his privacy - he doesn't know I've seen this message.

Wish me luck with pretending I know nothing about the message.

OP posts:

HarmlessChap · 26/04/2017 15:11

He was out on the lash and you sent him a horny text, even if they didn't see the message pop up (as you did) then unless he's got the mother of all poker faces he'd have given away that fact and his mates will have badgered him until they got the exact content of the text out of him.

SandyY2K · 26/04/2017 17:27

TBH I would probably tell my friends if I received that message from DH. It's a non issue.

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