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I have a question as I sit here, sipping a glass of red, feeling sorry for myself

(15 Posts)
staryeyes00 Tue 25-Apr-17 18:51:41

How do you 'own' your self confidence after continuously being rejected after first dates? I'm not talking 3 or 4 here. I'm talking a few years on the dating scene.
I am told get yourself back out there but it takes me a while to dust myself off and do so. Then I get another rejection. It just repeats.
I want to feel no fear or question myself. Just not sure how I do that.

TheNaze73 Tue 25-Apr-17 19:32:35

Are you trying too hard? Are you relaxed?

Blueshoess Tue 25-Apr-17 19:38:21

Has anyone ever given you a reason for the rejection? I have been rejected on quite a few first dates, noticed there was a pattern as I would always flirt outrageously/give off vibes that probably said I was up for it then I would tell them I had a 3 date rule. Most guys that I was choosing were not keen to have 3 dates!
I stopped saying that anyways (but still had it in my head) alas, not met anyone spectacular yet but its now me usually doing the rejection.

c3pu Tue 25-Apr-17 19:43:57

What sort of guys are you dating? Do you have a particular "type" you go for? Would you have been happy to have a 2nd date with all the guys who rejected you after the first date?

Trills Tue 25-Apr-17 19:50:04

Did you want to see them again?

staryeyes00 Tue 25-Apr-17 20:04:00

Very very relaxed. I have had lots of experience. I don't give too much away. I listen. I'm interested. I text to say thankyou and nice to meet you. Don't over text.
Some I have wanted to. Some I haven't. Some make out they're very interested then they faze out. I'm actually exhausted to the point I trust noone.

IndieTara Tue 25-Apr-17 20:10:22

Dating is a minefield. Been single for a year but just can't bring myself to get back out there. Last dates i went on were over 4 years ago and If I think about themI can still cringe at how awful most of them were.

Luckily I dont suffer from lack of confidence but after some of those dates I'm amazed I carried on!

Offred Tue 25-Apr-17 21:41:12

Ah I see you have another thread.

As I said on the other thread I don't do dating. I just don't get on with it.

I'm fine with rejection though. I think if you are doing dating you absolutely have to be fine with rejection! Most of the people you meet are either going to be unsuitable and/or reject you in some way.

The thing is finding someone who is on the same page as you who is also available and suitable. If you understand that it is obvious why most of the time dating doesn't lead to something serious, even if you are looking for it.

Offred Tue 25-Apr-17 21:42:26

It's not that you are not worth anything. It's just how dating is. It is a bit of an unnatural situation IMO.

IonaNE Tue 25-Apr-17 21:44:01

How do you 'own' your self confidence after continuously being rejected after first dates?
My self confidence does not depend on whether I have a partner or not.

Trills Wed 26-Apr-17 07:50:31

I don't think of it as being rejected.

Going on a date with someone from the internet is barely a first date, it's more of a zeroth date.

We're meeting to decide if we want to meet again.

When I decide that I don't want to meet someone again, I don't feel like I am rejecting them, I just feel as though the answer was that no.

Threes3 Wed 26-Apr-17 08:16:52

You have to remember that a date is like a job interview. There will be lots of other candidates and only one will get the job. This applies to both men and women.

I would say your picture should reflect who you are. Some blokes use pictures that are years old!

You should be confident with the right amount of flirt if you like them.

If a man walks away from a date with no vibe he is unlikely to want to date again especially with the almost unlimited choice on offer.

noego Wed 26-Apr-17 09:50:12

How do you 'own' your self confidence after continuously being rejected after first dates?

By simply owning it

user1493022461 Wed 26-Apr-17 09:52:50

By stop seeing it as a rejection. This implies that you expect everyone you meet to want a relationship, and that when they don't, that is rejecting you.
In reality, dates are to meet someone and see if you have much in common, and when you don't, you don't meet again. It isn't rejection, it's simply not wanting to progress further.

ravenmum Wed 26-Apr-17 11:09:38

I agree with the "zeroth date" thing, if this is online dating or similar.
And are you really always passive, waiting to see if they like you? One way not to get rejected is, after all, to reject them first smile

How would a typical date go?

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