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Is anyone else NOT in a toychy feely relationship?

(18 Posts)
DressMeUpInStitches Tue 25-Apr-17 12:43:36

Dh & I aren't too touchy feely, we don't hold hands and rarely cuddle.
We don't touch arms or hands when sitting in a cafe, we don't put our arms around eachother when walking, we don't stroke eachothers arms when passing in the house etc.
We do kiss/hug goodbye & hello and enjoy eachother's company.
We do have sex often and can be very intimate during those times, think massages.
But generally, day to day we're not and I have to sometimes remind myself to give him a kiss, and he to me too.
How touchy feely are you?

neatsatin Tue 25-Apr-17 12:48:45

DH is more touchy feely than me. He'll give me hugs and kisses when he comes home, I wouldn't really be bothered and don't initiate it in his direction. I hate PDAs, it makes me cringe, so we don't hold hands or touch each other outdoors. We're intimate during sex though.

Ragwort Tue 25-Apr-17 12:51:37

Definitely not grin - can't bear being touchy feely, wouldn't dream of sharing a sofa when watching tv - separate bedrooms as well for us !

7to25 Tue 25-Apr-17 12:54:33

Far less than you, OP

DressMeUpInStitches Tue 25-Apr-17 12:59:20

Sorry meant to say and are happy? We are happy. But I do wonder whether we should be more touchy feely.
But tbh, I just feel uncomfortable and it feels forced.
I hate it when others try to touch me! Like hugs and even just arm touching.

MisguidedAngel Tue 25-Apr-17 13:03:13

I'm not at all touchy feely and hate being stroked or patted. I like sex though, but not feathery touching. OH is the complete opposite. We have reached a compromise. Watching TV he sits with his legs over my lap and I stroke them, snuggling in bed I stroke his back, I wash his hair and give him a head massage. Because he reminds me of a big soppy labrador we call it dogging (in private - could lead to misunderstandings if overheard!). No PDA, I hate it.

Teatowelfairy Tue 25-Apr-17 13:06:21

We're not the touchy feely type either, DH will hold my hand in public but only when it's super busy. I think he only does it then because I'm a short arse so he's afraid of loosing me in the crowd but other than that we don't tend to. Tbh I usually cringe at pda's.
He'll have a cheeky grope at home more sexual than affectionate so I guess you could count that as being touchy feely but we rarely snuggle up on the sofa/in bed together. And tbh we jump at the chance of separate beds when the DC sleep out. But we do have a good sex life so are obviously still very intimate.

yetmorecrap Tue 25-Apr-17 13:26:09

Im not, husband is far more so and I know wishes I was . On the other hand Ive not had an emotional affair and he did for quite a while (when i was far more so) , I think some of my lack of touchy feely is Im now rather more guarded about stuff,bit of a barrier-- sad I know. I am loving in deeds rather than touch and beyond the first 2 years with any partner, Ive always hated kissing to be honest.

TheNaze73 Tue 25-Apr-17 13:26:39

Totally with you OP. It's all a question of choice & can be misinterpreted by others. I've been told I'm cold previously however my current partner loves it as I'm not needy or clutching out for constant reassurance.
Everyone is different & I think that should be embraced. No right or wrong here, all down to preference.

PollytheDolly Tue 25-Apr-17 13:29:47

If it suits you both then that's good. My parents were like you and I never really thought anything of it when younger, or now. Been together nearly 50 years and happy!

Me and my DH are always touching, kissing and cuddling but we are both very alike in that way.

Each to their own.

maras2 Tue 25-Apr-17 13:51:57

DH and I are very touchy feely still after almost 50 years together.
DD not so much but DS is openly affectionate with his wife and us.
All the DGC's are very cuddly but they're still very small.
DH and I even manage to wake up holding hands a bit like those otters on you

BorisJohnsonsHair Tue 25-Apr-17 13:59:52

maras2 that's lovely to hear. Hope my DH and I are like that after 50 years (only been 20 something so far!)

Adora10 Tue 25-Apr-17 14:04:30

My partner touches me every day, like on the arm, a small squeeze, it makes me feel very loved by him and I'd miss it if he stopped; just depends what you are used to and if you are both happy then what's the problem.

RedStripeIassie Tue 25-Apr-17 14:08:09

If you're both happy then alls good. I'd love to be in a more touchy feelly relationship but any kissing, snuggling on the sofa, arm squeezing, you name it is interpreted as an invitation for sex. So I have to watch what I do if I'm not up for it.

maras2 Tue 25-Apr-17 14:09:06

Thanks boris
We are retired now so more time together after our hectic careers and child rearing.
Saying that,we have a poorly 4 year old DGD on our settee at the moment with the vomity lurgy.
What's the betting her brother will be there too

AllFurCoatNoKnockers Tue 25-Apr-17 14:25:40

Not touchy feely at all. We might have cuddles in bed of a morning or when we head to bed. But apart from that, barely any contact all day really.
We are perfectly happy, and have an active sex life - I'm much happier having sex than having soppy foreplay. Separate sofas etc, not beds though because I love a cuddle at night.

I wonder sometimes where we've only been together for 6 years that maybe we should be more touchy feely, but we've never been like that. If we'd been touchy feely from the start and that changed then maybe I'd be concerned.

BIL and his wife are so touchy feely it knocks me sick sometimes, but mainly as it feels like they are trying to prove something to everyone around them rather than showing affection towards each other. Constantly draped over each other, groping each other, dress like each other. Just not for me!

yetmorecrap Tue 25-Apr-17 14:37:37

phew indeed! Glad its not only me, sometimes I am made to feel abnormal.

DressMeUpInStitches Tue 25-Apr-17 15:38:06

Yes naze I'm very independent and definately not needy. I don't feel like I need his contact to feel loved. But exactly as you say redstripe any touching is received with ooh sex, from both sides. So I know when dh is horny as he becomes more touchy at home. Sometimes I resent this as when I'm not horny I find the touching irritating and he definately does it more than me.

The dressing like eachother's a bit weird allfour I might try it, see if dh notices

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