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Why has he suddenly started ignoring me?

(39 Posts)
Faye2611 Mon 24-Apr-17 21:01:21

I'm so confused! I was texting with this guy, it seemed to be going well - we were flirting and stuff, up until last Thursday morning, then I had some family stuff that I had to deal with and didn't text him for a few days (he didn't text me either) and now there's nothing. We are both part of a volunteer group where he updates social media when any of the group are on duty so we text him and tell him we are on duty. I've sent a couple of messages saying that I'm on duty but I don't even get a reply to that and I know he has seen the messages because he has updated the social media sites. now I don't know what to do - do I text him and ask him outright what's going on? Do I leave it and see what happens? I have got to see him on Wednesday evening at a function for the volunteer group and I'm worried that it's going to be awkward so am considering not going. I don't know what to do and I really want to know what I've done wrong. What do I do?

Huskylover1 Mon 24-Apr-17 21:27:50

Do nothing. He's not consistent. Bin off. Find someone else to text/flirt with

Biddylee Mon 24-Apr-17 21:35:46

You haven't done anything wrong. You brain has decided to have expectations about what the flirting means. And then your brain has decided that he doesn't like you and it will be awkward when you see him.

Don't text and act normal when you see him next.

Probably best to let him run free and find yourself a consistent texter!

Faye2611 Mon 24-Apr-17 21:36:21

I really like him though. What do I do about Wednesday? Stay away?

Faye2611 Mon 24-Apr-17 21:37:47

Biddylee, I know deep down that you're right, but I really like him and I'm not sure if I'll be able to pull off acting normal when I see him

Farontothemaddingcrowd Mon 24-Apr-17 21:38:54

No just go as normal. Act normal and do nothing. If he likes you he will let you know. There's no point angsting about whether he texts or doesn't text.

Faye2611 Mon 24-Apr-17 21:40:54

I was thinking of sending a casual message just asking how he is, is that a really bad idea?

Farontothemaddingcrowd Mon 24-Apr-17 22:05:45

No you could do. But don't worry too much about his response

Biddylee Mon 24-Apr-17 22:06:37

A bad idea. Sit on your hands. Get distracted. Go to Wednesday's meeting - see what happens...

Farontothemaddingcrowd Mon 24-Apr-17 22:22:05

Have you already texted him? Who sent the last text. I don't think it ever works when you feel anxious. It's your gut telling you.

Blueshoess Mon 24-Apr-17 22:36:03

Don't text him! Go to the meeting, act like nothing is up. After the meeting see if he messages you, give it an evening and then drop him a line saying something casual. If you get no response he's not interested and all the flirting was probably because he needed attention.

SabineUndine Mon 24-Apr-17 22:40:42

Chances are he has someone else lined up. I've been there. Sometimes people do this - see who might be interested and then choose the one they want. It's shitty, but it happens.

Faye2611 Mon 24-Apr-17 22:40:44

The last text I sent was this afternoon saying that I was on duty so that he could put it on the social media sites, which he did but he didn't reply to my message. I've sent him messages saying that I've been on duty and what calls I've had as normal but haven't had a reply to any of them, which is unusual. The last time he actually replied to me was last Thursday morning, that wasn't about the volunteer stuff, that was the personal type texts. I didn't text him again until Saturday evening to say I was on duty and from then I haven't been getting any response. Does that make sense?

Faye2611 Mon 24-Apr-17 22:43:09

It is shitty and I feel pretty shitty about it at the moment!

FerrisMewler Mon 24-Apr-17 22:51:00

Could he just be keeping the two things separate?

When you text him to tell him that you're on duty, he is then acting in his role of 'volunteer who updates social media'.

When you text about other things he is just being himself and therefore more flirty.

The texts you've sent him since Thursday have all been about the volunteer group activities and nothing more personal (unless I've misunderstood). It could be that he thinks that you're the one who has lost interest.

Either way, I'd probably leave it until you see him in person.

Blueshoess Mon 24-Apr-17 22:51:24

So maybe he just thought the conversation ended on Thursday? And since you haven't gone back to the personal talk he's backed off? What's his character like? Is he outgoing/confident/shy?

Faye2611 Mon 24-Apr-17 22:57:42

I sent him a message last last that just said 'you ok?' Which I didn't get a reply to. He would normally reply to my messages about being on duty.

He is quite a confident and out going person.

Blueshoess Mon 24-Apr-17 23:07:55

Okay if you sent one last night then I would just leave it for now.
What are your options?
A) message him again
B) don't message, go to the meeting
C) don't message, don't go to the meeting.

Now can you think of the potential outcomes for a, b, c?

A) he thinks "Christ she messaged last night, she must be keen, what does she want from me?" Or it could be a different response depending on your message. If you do send something I would try and make it flirty/playful and not a question like - are you ignoring me?
B) you rock up to that meeting without a care in the world, he sees you looking sassy and confident and thinks hey, I want some of that. Or he doesn't, and its his loss.
C) you miss out on your meeting, he either notices and thinks that's weird or he doesn't even notice and you avoid doing something you enjoy because some dude hasn't replied to a text.

Any other options? Or can you add to them?

LucieLucie Mon 24-Apr-17 23:09:20

Sorry but he's stone walling you

Don't send any more texts!

Either turn up on Wednesday and act normal or leave and find a new volunteer group to spend time at.

LoveforPGTipsMonkey Mon 24-Apr-17 23:25:40

Am I the only one who thinks that OP should have explained to him that she didn't respond/text for a few days due to family stuff? If she didn't, he thinks she's lost interest and now feels like he's not welcome to continue and maybe he's even over-sensitive so is feeling to grumpy to respond even toher volunteer messages.
But I think she should have explained her sudden silence- it took one text to do this, if this was the other way round the bloke would have been judged as inconciderate..

LoveforPGTipsMonkey Mon 24-Apr-17 23:28:00

*it would take , not 'it took' - and I mean sending this text when it was happening was better than afterwards.

mickeydobbs Mon 24-Apr-17 23:34:45

I agree with Love.

It sounds like the last text in the personal chat was from him to OP. OP didn't reply until Saturday when she sent a generic formal text to do with the job.

So in his eyes OP has gone cold on the personal chat with no explanation.

Faye2611 Tue 25-Apr-17 08:19:00

The last personal text was from me to him and that particular conversation had kind of come to a natural end. I haven't not replied to any of his messages as he didn't send me any in the few days between Thursday and Sunday. I know I didn't text him again until Sunday (I thought it was Saturday but I've just checked and it was actually Sunday) and that that was a more formal message, but I don't see why he couldn't have text me in the meantime.

Farontothemaddingcrowd Tue 25-Apr-17 08:24:40

I wouldn't bother. If he was interested he'd send you a text. It's not worth worrying about.

Fishface199 Tue 25-Apr-17 08:44:44

Don't text.

If he likes you he will text you, try getting to know you. It sounds like he's not all that bothered.

OP, I have made this mistake many times when I was dating. Initiating chats conversation etc over analysing messages etc when the plain fact is if a guy likes you he will make an effort! If he likes you, there is NO room for analysis etc because they do reply to texts, they do call back they don't ignore!

I sometimes think in these situations if a guy can't be bothered to spend 5 seconds replying to a text, how can Earth would he bothered enough (as time progresses) to ask you out, take you to dinner, build a relationship, share his finances, share a house , when in the first stages are 5 second text was too much trouble.

Be normal with him Wednesday and see whether there are other people you can befriend who would be arsed to reply to a text.

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