Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

He did treat me awful didn't he? I'm hurt

(31 Posts)
Whatdoyouso Mon 24-Apr-17 20:22:39

I met a guy in January.
Really didn't expect to like him but I did,we got on well and he made me smile.
After our first date we met for our second a couple of dates later and before I knew it we had had 7 dates and he asked me if I was now his girlfriend ..I said of course.
He stayed at mine twice a week and we text and talked when we wernt together.
He lives about 50 mins away drive.
The only thing he did say was it would be easier if I lived closer after a 12hr shift.
Anyway he spoke about meeting his son and meeting family's.
Fast forward 3 months still going good.
One day I woke up and he hasn't text..I thought nothing of it just must be busy with work.
So I text him at 12 no reply ...
Tried calling after work nothing ..I panic thinking is he ok? He drives for work so I was worried he had been in a crash then I go on Facebook and he was posting videos etc.
He didn't reply ever again ..2 weeks later (after obsessively checking his Facebook he deleted me)
I was devastated but still clicked on his page ..and about 5-6 days later he was listed in a relationship with a new woman.
Two weeks later I'm still crushed.
I don't understand what happened.
How can you be so cruel?

LesisMiserable Mon 24-Apr-17 20:26:43

The ghosting was a shit way to go about breaking it off, yes.

Whatdoyouso Mon 24-Apr-17 20:27:46

I don't understand what I did wrong.
He seemed happy.
All I can think is he met someone who lived in the same city as him and that was the deal breaker.

LonginesPrime Mon 24-Apr-17 20:32:01

That sucks, OP, but at least you found out now that he's a spineless wanker, before you'd invested too much time and energy in the relationship.

And spare a thought for the new girlfriend - she probably has no idea what a douchebag he is and has her ghosting yet to come. At least you KNOW what he's like!

GrumpyDullard Mon 24-Apr-17 20:32:16

Better to find out now what a shitbag he is, and save yourself more heartache in the long run. Sorry you're going through this. It's really rough. Just remember that he is a cowardly arsehole and you did nothing wrong. There are good ones out there, I promise.

Whatdoyouso Mon 24-Apr-17 20:35:11

Thankyou I hope I meet a nice one soon.
I really thought he was a good guy,he played the part well for 3-4 months anyway.
I honestly don't think I did anything wrong.
He was always looking whilst with me then ...

WallisFrizz Mon 24-Apr-17 20:38:18

You didn't do anything wrong. At all.

SandyY2K Mon 24-Apr-17 20:50:07

He's an idiot. You didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes you have to kiss a load of frogs, before you find your Prince.

Be glad you didn't waste anymore time with the fool.

Whatdoyouso Mon 24-Apr-17 22:09:04

My confidence is shot if I'm honest,doing the whole what does she have that I don't etc etc

noego Mon 24-Apr-17 22:21:41

Shit happens.............move on.

Iflyaway Mon 24-Apr-17 22:22:39

doing the whole what does she have that I don't etc

Nothing at all OP. Don't put yourself down.

He's just a shit who hasn't grown up and would rather do a runner than act like an adult.

Just see it as having dodged a bullet. I mean, see it as him doing you a favour after 7 dates as opposed to 7 years!

ParmaViolets17 Mon 24-Apr-17 22:27:15

I spent almost a year with a man - we'd been friends for about four years before we got together so it progressed fairly quickly. After eleven months he was staying at mine 4-5 nights a week.

One night he was due to come round for dinner but didn't turn up. Calls and texts went unanswered all evening and all of the next day. After 24 hours he got in touch asking me to leave him alone.

I still have no idea why. Mutual friends have told me he wasn't with anyone else. I don't think I did anything to make him run.

The point is that sometimes men (and I assume women) are just selfish. They're unhappy and they don't have the courage to talk about it because they're scared of an emotional reaction - so instead they run away and let you deal with the fallout and imagine the worst. Don't let him do that. Don't give him any more of your time. He's a spineless shit and you deserve better flowers

ParmaViolets17 Mon 24-Apr-17 22:30:37

Oh, and I went into hospital for a major operation ten days later. He'd booked time off work to come in with me and then take me home afterwards. I still remember arriving back on the ward and feeling so awful and so lonely that I'd had to go through that alone.

He really wasn't worth the pain he caused me - and this guy isn't worth your tears.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Mon 24-Apr-17 22:31:46

It's not about what you do or don't have OP. It's about him being a dick.

TimelessReality Mon 24-Apr-17 22:36:14

When did you sleep with him?

Had he really proved that he was boyfriend material by then?

I doubt there was anything wrong with you, but it takes time to build an emotional connection. Sleeping with someone early can stop that natural build up, and doesn't separate the opportunists the wheat from the chaffe or whatever the expression is. This is especially true on online dating (though it is not clear if thats how you met him) as you don't have any idea of who you are really dealing with.

Its still cruel of him I agree, so yes, you dodged a bullet. Its also a horrible education, one many of us have experienced. But maybe protect yourself emotionally and sexually more next time? Give less of yourself until it is clearer that he really is into you flowers.

LonginesPrime Mon 24-Apr-17 22:41:31

what does she have that I don't

OP, even if you managed to establish what exactly it is that she had at that moment in time that drew him to her and caused him to be an utter dickwad to you, all you would know is what a dickwad thinks.

There's no objective reason he would've chosen to date her instead of you, he's just a selfish idiot. Learn from it and it hasn't been for nothing.

TimelessReality Mon 24-Apr-17 22:44:45

And deserves you.

Whatdoyouso Mon 24-Apr-17 22:48:50

We didn't sleep with each other till a month of dating twice a week ..so 7-8 dates.
He was the perfect gent.
He did tell me he had cheated in the past on the mother of his kids (should of known better)
Also when we were out he would check other women out (all the time,any woman) no matter how nice I looked and felt.

LonginesPrime Mon 24-Apr-17 22:54:02

no matter how nice I looked and felt

Because it's not about you, OP!! It's about him being a selfish, cowardly, opportunistic idiot. Not about your not being pretty or confident enough.

Idiots are going to stay idiots. As PPs have said, think yourself lucky you know that now and not when you've wasted two years with the loser.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 24-Apr-17 23:43:46

I tell you what she's got that you haven't op. An arsehole of a boyfriend

It hurts I know. But put it down to experience flowers

cosytoaster Mon 24-Apr-17 23:55:37

I don't understand what I did wrong.

Absolutely nothing, unfortunately there seem to be plenty of idiots out there. He's a shit and will probably do the same again and again, there'a nothing wrong with you, give yourself time to get over it and look after yourself well in the meantime flowers

corythatwas Tue 25-Apr-17 08:52:49

"OP, even if you managed to establish what exactly it is that she had at that moment in time that drew him to her and caused him to be an utter dickwad to you, all you would know is what a dickwad thinks."

This. He is not the Keeper of some universal Rule of what Women Ought To Have. He's just a shit with no guts.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Tue 25-Apr-17 09:45:40

Ghosting is done by selfish cowards who don't even have the empathy to send a single text saying it's over. What an absolute bastard.

Also when we were out he would check other women out (all the time,any woman) no matter how nice I looked and felt
See, I would dump a bloke who did that to me more than once. Shows a complete lack of respect.

EnjoyYourVegetables Tue 25-Apr-17 09:51:12

Checking out other people is a sign of rude selfishness straightaway. I

LesisMiserable Tue 25-Apr-17 10:01:30

I got ghosted after four years and living together and knowing him 18 years and I've heard much much worse. He would have done this further down the line if he's that sort of person, so if anything be grateful it happened early doors and he wasted relatively little of your time and energy.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now