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Can't bear thought of sex after baby

(9 Posts)
Zoe1983 Mon 24-Apr-17 20:07:39

Hi, is this normal? Will I ever want to have a bonk again?

DD is 4 months old. Had placenta praevia in pregnancy and at 20 weeks was told not to have sex. Haven't been intimate since then. When I was pregnant I at least had the urge. However since she was born I literally cannot bear to have DH even touch me. I don't think it's him specifically, as my sister tried to hug me once and it made my skin crawl. I should say I have also had PND and DD is wonderful but very intense and wants to be fed or held constantly....I'm answering my own question here aren't I?! I just don't know how to go about addressing it.

Inadither Mon 24-Apr-17 20:09:44

Sounds like you're touched out. When a baby demands constant attention and cuddles it becomes overwhelming to have closeness with anyone else. Hopefully as she becomes more independent this will pass.

Primaryteach87 Mon 24-Apr-17 20:11:57

I had a bad birth with birth injuries and it took 7 months to have sex again and almost a year to enjoy it. It's not unheard of at all. Don't feel bad but don't believe that you will always feel this way either. You can recover your sex drive, probably when you are well rested, emotionally recovered and getting a bit of baby free time too.

Zoe1983 Mon 24-Apr-17 21:19:04

Thank you both for replying. It's a relief to hear this might not be a permanent thing. I feel like such a bitch when DH is trying to give me a hug or kiss and I'm trying to stop myself flinching.

GoodEyebrowDay Mon 24-Apr-17 21:23:37

I was petrified of sex & my birth was textbook. Don't pressure yourself but do try to bring yourself to when you can. Think making the first time as a mission for me helped rather than expecting romance & flowers. Just more of a 'let's get it done'. Was a bit 'tight' feeling but not as bad as I'd made it out

Zoe1983 Tue 25-Apr-17 08:40:41

I keep thinking I need to just force myself to "get back on the horse", but the thought of it makes me feel sick.

Biddylee Tue 25-Apr-17 09:06:08

Zoe your dd is only little. Give yourself a break - take care of yourself when you can fit it in. Don't push yourself or expect too much. The first year of having a baby is so turbulent. Have a talk to your DH about it if that's possible. Or someone else.

I wouldn't force yourself - not at this stage.

nostrings1 Tue 25-Apr-17 09:14:17

I was like that after my first, I think I was so overwhelmed by it all and probably also had undiagnosed PND (very traumatic birth, cut front to back). DS1 was incredibly colicky and I had him attached to me for the first few months. Literally was all touched out and I felt drained and exhausted.

I guess it took about a year. Good news is it came back, and I went on to have another DS. After his birth we were intimate in 4 weeks, totally different. Since DS2 my sex drive rocketed (unfortunately me and EX separated a while ago for other reasons).

It can come back, be kind to yourself and try talk to your DP. if he is one of the good ones he will understand.

HarmlessChap Tue 25-Apr-17 09:53:05

While your DC is priority for you both you also need to communicate with each other, if you can't bear him touching you then he's going to end up feeling very rejected sooner or later, if he doesn't know what is going on with you.

Its quite normal though, I've spoken to plenty of my male friends in this exact situation who felt that once the baby had arrived their DW no longer wanted or needed them. Phrases like sperm donor and lodger in my own home are common.

Those of us who had been through it re-assured the others that its generally a phase but for some it did become a vicious circle and the marriage never recovered.

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